refusing a hot girl - is it normal?

[Wolfshook]

So basicaly after a lot of kissing today I refused a hot girl (even though she openly asked me to have sex). After which she stormed out and got angry to me/ blamed herself. I really like spending time with her but I've broken up just recently and I'm not in the mood for quick sex. We have known each other for long time (about 7 years,and she is kind of my ex ex), and I really wanted to have sex with her,but it was just that the time was wrong.

 

I don't want to lose her and don't want her to feel bad about herself. How can I fix that? Is it ok for a man to refuse girl?

[Sunshinee818]

Well, what can i say.

 

Let her know that it didn't have to do with her, your just going through something at that moment.

[Rust]

It's fine for you to refuse a girl it's you're body.

Well you could say you think that she's worth more than being a rebound and you need you're space to do some personal growth after you're recent relationship. In quick sum up you're just asking for some space to get you're self back and better then before.

[MasterPo]

So basicaly after a lot of kissing today I refused a hot girl (even though she openly asked me to have sex). After which she stormed out and got angry to me/ blamed herself. I really like spending time with her but I've broken up just recently and I'm not in the mood for quick sex. We have known each other for long time (about 7 years,and she is kind of my ex ex), and I really wanted to have sex with her,but it was just that the time was wrong.

 

I don't want to lose her and don't want her to feel bad about herself. How can I fix that? Is it ok for a man to refuse girl?

 

No, nothing wrong with at all if you were kind and didn't lead her on. Good chance she'll come around again, talk to her and take some of the advice above - all good. I lost count at the women that showed up during my heartbreak, it was an amazing but sad experience. I wasn't ready and I think I knew it wouldn't end well. Some can do it, I couldn't just wasn't me. Take care of you and please, take your time. Good luck.

[catfeeder]

It's natural after a breakup to need time and space to grieve and heal before pursuing anyone else. If the girl can't understand that, she's not mature enough or responsible enough to get involved with sexually in the first place.

[FloatingPretzl]

My own philosophy is, if you're an adult able to consent, your sex drive/attraction/wanting to have sex/wanting to not have sex/etc. etc. with any other consenting adult is perfectly normal. Be kind with yourself and respect your own boundaries and desires.

[ParisPaulette]

Bottom line, the rule is the same for the fellas as it is the women, it's your body and you have a right to say no. And if the other person doesn't like that then it's too bad for them.

 

Being a guy doesn't mean you have to be "on" and "ready" to have sex just because. All you can do is tell this girl why you said no again, and ask her to please respect you. And if she gets mad about that then perhaps you should take another look at her character.

 

Sorry, guys have a right to say no too and not be made to feel crappy about it.

[Wolfshook]

Thank you guys, I said no partly because I'm not really into one night stands (and this would be it) and because I know her for 5 years and she is not really most moral person. Maybe I'm pus*y because of that but I do have some of my values that I cherish.

 

Anyway I was surprised by the way she reacted afterwards, she apologized and I apologized to her and explained everything to her, she took it well and she respects my decision, we hung out today and everything was normal.

 

Now I'm starting to think that some people do change.

[Batya33]

Why apologize? It's fine to say no at any point, no apology needed -just explain "I'm not ready to have sex with you".

[reinventmyself]

Her reaction is on her. You have no control over it.

I imagine maybe she's embarrassed

As others have pointed out, if you want to salvage your friendship it might be worth talking to her about it.

[Wolfshook]

Talked allready and I believe I ove her apology because I led her to that, ve've been having all that "couples" fun and I've let myself into that (since it helped me get on with my current breakup) and when it came to sex it was just too much for me. I explained, she agreed and we're back on good terms now.

I was afraid that I might lose a good friend, since she used to be pretty much immature in the past,it shocked me how mature she is now and how much has changed in 2 years time in which we had little contact.

 

To tell the whole story about me and her it would go at "ex comming back" thread more than this...

[Perrin83]

Talked allready and I believe I ove her apology because I led her to that, ve've been having all that "couples" fun and I've let myself into that (since it helped me get on with my current breakup) and when it came to sex it was just too much for me. I explained, she agreed and we're back on good terms now.

I was afraid that I might lose a good friend, since she used to be pretty much immature in the past,it shocked me how mature she is now and how much has changed in 2 years time in which we had little contact.

 

To tell the whole story about me and her it would go at "ex comming back" thread more than this...

 

Why apologize? It's fine to say no at any point, no apology needed -just explain "I'm not ready to have sex with you".

 

Batya,

 

Apologizing doesn't mean you've done anything wrong

 

Something like, "I'm sorry that what I said caused you pain."

 

I think it's quite kind to show that someone else's feelings matter, as well.

[Batya33]

Batya,

 

Apologizing doesn't mean you've done anything wrong

 

Something like, "I'm sorry that what I said caused you pain."

 

I think it's quite kind to show that someone else's feelings matter, as well.

 

 

As long as you also tell her that it wasn't intentional "I'm sorry you feel that way" is not an apology at all -it's just sympathizing with someone. That's fine in this situation since you do not owe her an apology. If refusing sex was wrong on your part then you own up to it and say "I'm sorry I hurt you". Since refusing sex at any point is totally fine -it's your body -then sympathizing 'I'm sorry you are feeling badly" is perfectly fine since you're not actually apologizing.

[ayeh422]

sounds like you handled yourself pretty well. agree with everyone here. there is usually a way to set boundaries while still being kind. I think sometimes people will respect you more actually when they see that you have that respect for yourself.

glad it worked out~