Having thoughts lately, not sure what they mean for my relationship

[therealjames]

Hello,

 

I've been with my girlfriend for now 2.5 years, known each other for 3 and dated for 4 months before becoming an official "thing" with a title associated with it. We get along great, we do everything together and I love her. Right now, she is separating from the military (active duty) and we are moving cross country closer to my family in about a month. She's getting out and putting her faith in me and switching her whole world upside down to live life with me.

 

Lately however, I have been having a lot of thoughts regarding just about every other girl I've had any type of relationship with. Girls that I could have had something with and missed the opportunity, and even girls I turned down since my girlfriend and I got together. It's almost consuming how often these thoughts are with me.

 

I meditate often, and I'm not sure why they keep coming.

 

Any ideas what this might mean? I know that us moving cross country is a big commitment itself, and I know that personally, there are a lot of things I want to do before I die and although she has shared these desires with me, I'm not 100% sure she means business and is willing to make sacrifices and live the type of life I want to live OR she just agrees now to get us settled down to the point where the life I want is unattainable. ( I am speaking of very, very little belongings and material possessions in exchange for travel and living abroad )

 

I just don't know why I keep thinking about other women so much. I'm not sure what that means for where I am right now. I plan on sitting down with a therapist, free of charge through military services, to go over it but I'd like to help myself in the mean time.

[mhowe]

She is about to make huge sacrifices for you and you are waffling under the responsibility. Are you planning on marrying her? Instead of speaking to a therapist I would SI T down with your girlfriend and explain where you are coming from. If you guys aren't on the same page then the whole move needs to be evaluated.

[therealjames]

I do plan on marrying her. She has done this thing in the past and not so recent past where she isn't up front with me because she was afraid to say something I didn't agree with or something that would make me upset.

We did sit down to talk about that a few weeks ago. I only would marry her if neither of us would hold the other back. I do realize that there are compromises, but there is a fine line between compromises and all out sacrifices and I am just afraid of my mid to late 20's being filled with regret I guess.

 

I just didn't know why I would be thinking of all these other girls lately. I don't want to cheat on her, but it seems bad when other girls are on my mind when we're laying next to each other.

[mhowe]

Then tell her that. And wayyyy before she commits to moving with you.

This is much more than "cold feet".

[catfeeder]

She's about to change her whole life for you, and you're not 'all in' with that. That doesn't make you a villain, but if you don't stop her before she makes the move, you'll end up feeling even more lousy--and it will come out sideways and blow the whole thing up at a time when her ability to bounce back and repair her own life has been compromised.

 

I'd skip that whole scenario. You have different visions of a future for yourself than the ones she's buying, and if you don't step up to change what you're doing, you'll resent HER for that.

 

You're basically setting up a booby trap, and then you'll blame her for walking into it.

 

I'd wake up at the wheel and steer out of this.

[therealjames]

I wish timing was more on my side for this whole situation.

She just got back from a deployment a couple weeks ago and out lease is up in a couple weeks and the plan all along was to move when she got back.

 

I guess things change over that much time apart, people grow at different rates in different directions some times. I went through a whole mess of different crap during those 6 months in addition to losing two family members who I was very close to. Moving closer to them is something we decided on during that time, but I think my priorities may have shifted slightly, as they can always do, and I have just had a hard time pinning down exactly what they are now. I still don't know for sure, but I know something doesn't feel right (hence the thoughts) and I'm trying to make sense of it all before I pull the plug or take the leap.

 

Either way, I brought up some of it last night, and we'll talk more tonight.

 

Thank you for the honest responses, I appreciate them all.

[jobelle]

I just read this thread after reading the most recent one. I agree with the others, stop this train before it's too late. Be kind to this girl. Don't make her change her whole life if you're not 100% sure about this. Tell her you're having doubts and definitely postpone the move until you're ready.