He's fine while I'm missing him

[Butterflyxx]

It's a difficult day for me today because of many reasons. Firstly it would have been the first date me and my ex went on last year, our first kiss together and everything was magical. I remember him saying that we had a great start to 2015, and we will have an amazing start to 2016, but obviously that doesn't apply anymore as we aren't together.

He's going to a NYE party tonight (I know as I bumped into a mutual friend of ours and the mutual friend invited me to the party and mentioned my ex was there but I had to decline as I'm not ready for it).

It hurts because we broke up a month ago and we went straight into NC and now I found out he's going to a party, and he will probably meet another girl. It makes me feel sick thinking of him kissing another girl on NYE especially when I was the one kissing him last year

He probably isn't even thinking of me, or even remembers what happened this time last year.

I miss him so much and the memories keep flooding my mind. Everything was so perfect back then.

It hurts because he probably doesn't even think about me or miss me, he's probably already talking to other girls (as he started talking & flirting with me soon after him and his ex broke up).

How do I get through today?

I'm still obviously at the very start of the healing process and I'm feeling very sad and I just miss him so much, I miss what we had and now it's all gone. He was such a big part of my life for 3 years and I won't be spending 2016 with him.

I realised that over time he started to lose his feelings for me & he started to put me as a last priority and I became very miserable etc, so that's more a reason as to why he wouldn't miss me today or even think about me because he never cared near the end of our relationship, so he probably wouldn't now

Ugh what do i do?

[Joanne1985]

I'm not going to say you need to move on because you've stated you don't want that. Are you going out tonight and if not why not get dressed up, leave your phone at home and have a good night. You can worry again tomorrow. I think after every break up we get a chance to better ourselves, start 2016 being about you. Good luck

[DoF]

We are ALL in the midst of a struggle, including your ex.

[madforyoy]

Hey there. I am exactly in the same situation. One year can bring in do much change. I am still trying to figure things out. There is nothing we can do. I still wonder if he ever thinks of me.

 

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[Butterflyxx]

We are ALL in the midst of a struggle, including your ex.

 

Please can you elaborate a bit more? Especially what my ex is struggling with

[Butterflyxx]

I'm not going to say you need to move on because you've stated you don't want that. Are you going out tonight and if not why not get dressed up, leave your phone at home and have a good night. You can worry again tomorrow. I think after every break up we get a chance to better ourselves, start 2016 being about you. Good luck

 

I'm only 17 so I can't go out anywhere, I'm going to my grandparents tonight but it's not particularly going to put my mind off him.

[Butterflyxx]

Hey there. I am exactly in the same situation. One year can bring in do much change. I am still trying to figure things out. There is nothing we can do. I still wonder if he ever thinks of me.

 

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It is incredible how much in one year everything can change.

[madforyoy]

We are ALL in the midst of a struggle, including your ex.

Don't you think the Dumper has an upper hand over his emotional state and well being than the dumpee?

Even if he is fine ,he knows exactly how the other person would feel right?

If not, he wouldn't have done it in the first hand.

[madforyoy]

It is incredible how much in one year everything can change.

I suggest you should put on your best clothes. Gather up few friends and party. Its NYE. No point stressing over something thats not even in our control. Trust me,it will help. Given a chance I would do it. But just that I have other obligations to attend to right now

[Butterflyxx]

That's what I thought. My ex (the dumper) left me so easily so I highly doubt he cares or thinks about me often, although I wish he could.

[Butterflyxx]

I suggest you should put on your best clothes. Gather up few friends and party. Its NYE. No point stressing over something thats not even in our control. Trust me,it will help. Given a chance I would do it. But just that I have other obligations to attend to right now

 

All of my friends are already at parties and I think it's too late to start arranging anything. Most of my friends are going to family parties or spending their time with their boyfriends. It would make me feel better to go to a party but there's none.

[madforyoy]

In that case, I suggest you just keep away from the Internet and spent time with people who are around you. Appreciate stuff about them that you haven't noticed at all. Those people love you for who you are.

 

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[Butterflyxx]

In that case, I suggest you just keep away from the Internet and spent time with people who are around you. Appreciate stuff about them that you haven't noticed at all. Those people love you for who you are.

 

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Thank you for the advice. I guess it just hurts because he probably doesn't realise what happened a year today and he probably isn't missing me like I miss him.

He's going to be on my mind so much today and it hurts that I won't spend 2016 with him.

The thought of him with another girl tonight kills.

[madforyoy]

Thank you for the advice. I guess it just hurts because he probably doesn't realise what happened a year today and he probably isn't missing me like I miss him.

He's going to be on my mind so much today and it hurts that I won't spend 2016 with him.

The thought of him with another girl tonight kills.

I am in the same situation. Trust me. Like totally. But know what? I am very sure he will be with some other chick in some club tonight. God knows, hr might even get laid. I am very sure he wouldn't spare a second thinking of me. I just met him a week ago. Even then I say this because for a man, when it ends. It just ends. No going back. And everyone has a primal instict to get attracted to the opposite sex.

You just have to let the thoughts in. It's difficult in the beginning. But c'mon you Don't need him. If he could leave you to rot and spend time as if nothingd happened. Then God Knows what he will do to you even if he is with you. Its just going to hurt. Just let that thought go.

you can't control him. Nor his actions. Nor his thoughts.

if he ever cares, he will contact you. You stand on your ground then. What happens whrn you are not together should not matter.

Cheer up.

Life has something better.

[greta96]

This may not be a popular opinion, but I think you should have gone to the party your mutual friend invited you to, even if your ex will be there, and you should have done your best to have a great time. Who knows what would have happened? Last year's NYE is playing on his mind too, I'm sure. And even if he was an insensitive guy and decided it would be a good idea to pick up at that party with you being there, it would have probably helped you move on faster. And, you may have ended up having a great time anyway.

I always found it easier to move on once I faced my exes for the first time after breakups. I dreaded seeing them, for sure, but once I stopped chickening out life felt easier, because the dread of having to see them for the first time as separated individuals was gone.

With that said, it's too late now to change your plans, so my advice is to enjoy your night and your grandparents, as long as they are still around, and try not to imagine what your ex is doing, because usually the things we imagine are much more hurtful than what's actually going on.

[Butterflyxx]

I am in the same situation. Trust me. Like totally. But know what? I am very sure he will be with some other chick in some club tonight. God knows, hr might even get laid. I am very sure he wouldn't spare a second thinking of me. I just met him a week ago. Even then I say this because for a man, when it ends. It just ends. No going back. And everyone has a primal instict to get attracted to the opposite sex.

You just have to let the thoughts in. It's difficult in the beginning. But c'mon you Don't need him. If he could leave you to rot and spend time as if nothingd happened. Then God Knows what he will do to you even if he is with you. Its just going to hurt. Just let that thought go.

you can't control him. Nor his actions. Nor his thoughts.

if he ever cares, he will contact you. You stand on your ground then. What happens whrn you are not together should not matter.

Cheer up.

Life has something better.

 

It's such a difficult situation to be in, and I guess I've just got to understand that I'm going to be a bit upset tonight and understand that we aren't together and he can do what he wants. 2016 is the start of a new beginning for all of us.

[madforyoy]

Yes a new beginning.

 

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[Butterflyxx]

This may not be a popular opinion, but I think you should have gone to the party your mutual friend invited you to, even if your ex will be there, and you should have done your best to have a great time. Who knows what would have happened? Last year's NYE is playing on his mind too, I'm sure. And even if he was an insensitive guy and decided it would be a good idea to pick up at that party with you being there, it would have probably helped you move on faster. And, you may have ended up having a great time anyway.

I always found it easier to move on once I faced my exes for the first time after breakups. I dreaded seeing them, for sure, but once I stopped chickening out life felt easier, because the dread of having to see them for the first time as separated individuals was gone.

With that said, it's too late now to change your plans, so my advice is to enjoy your night and your grandparents, as long as they are still around, and try not to imagine what your ex is doing, because usually the things we imagine are much more hurtful than what's actually going on.

 

I completely agree with what you said, however I guess it's too late now. I see him at sixth form every day so I don't exactly dread seeing him as I see him everyday.

I have the tendency to imagine the worst possible scenario and get myself upset over it, so what I'm imagining to happen tonight may not actually happen, but I won't ever know will i?

[Joanne1985]

I know it's hard but try not to think about it, he may or he may not do something you dread but it's his choice. He's not choosing to hurt you, we do that to ourselves because of the pain were in. My friend said to me I'm not hurt because I'm not with my ex I'm hurt because of the choices he's made after and I believe that's true. One day we will look back on this and wonder what we were thinking, our lives are always changing.

[Butterflyxx]

I know it's hard but try not to think about it, he may or he may not do something you dread but it's his choice. He's not choosing to hurt you, we do that to ourselves because of the pain were in. My friend said to me I'm not hurt because I'm not with my ex I'm hurt because of the choices he's made after and I believe that's true. One day we will look back on this and wonder what we were thinking, our lives are always changing.

 

That is so true! I'm trying to keep myself busy to keep my mind off it and the situation but then I keep reminding myself that he's probably having an amazing time partying with another girl, and he's not mine anymore.

[Butterflyxx]

This is so difficult. I miss him terribly and it hurts knowing he's probably not even thinking about me or missing me. I feel forgotten

I can't bare of the thought that another girl would be kissing him tonight and it's not me.

When will this stop hurting I just want him to miss me and go back to how it was last year because it was all so perfect and now I've lost him. I've got to spend 2016 without him and it hurts.

I can't get him off my mind

[youareworthy]

Anniversaries of first kisses, etc. are very challenging. It is especially hard when the anniversary is also a big party evening full of kissing and traditions, and great memories.

 

Please stop torturing yourself. Instead of imagining him having a wonderful time with another woman, if you have to picture him at all, picture him NOT having someone to kiss at midnight! That could easily also happen!

 

If I were ever to imagine my ex in bed with someone other than me, I would feel crushed. So I try never, ever to do that. I just try to let him go. It is whatever.

 

There is zero we can do about what our exes choose to do tonight. But we get to pick what we do tonight.

 

Find some great music to entertain your grandparents with. Ask them to talk about the New Years Eves they have spent over the many years of their lives. I bet they have some wonderful stories, and you will get caught up listening to those and forget all about your ex.

 

Don't let him steal this NYE from you!

[Birdie]

You were so unhappy with him your whole relationship!

 

Stop yourself. When he pops into your head say "STOP" mentally to yourself and force yourself to think of something else. Actively work on not letting him control your thoughts, and then one day you just won't think of him anymore.

[Butterflyxx]

Anniversaries of first kisses, etc. are very challenging. It is especially hard when the anniversary is also a big party evening full of kissing and traditions, and great memories.

 

Please stop torturing yourself. Instead of imagining him having a wonderful time with another woman, if you have to picture him at all, picture him NOT having someone to kiss at midnight! That could easily also happen!

 

If I were ever to imagine my ex in bed with someone other than me, I would feel crushed. So I try never, ever to do that. I just try to let him go. It is whatever.

 

There is zero we can do about what our exes choose to do tonight. But we get to pick what we do tonight.

 

Find some great music to entertain your grandparents with. Ask them to talk about the New Years Eves they have spent over the many years of their lives. I bet they have some wonderful stories, and you will get caught up listening to those and forget all about your ex.

 

Don't let him steal this NYE from you!

 

Thank you so much for this advice! I do admit me sat here being upset and imagining what my ex is doing, is only making me feel tons worse.

It's not 100% that he's with another girl, and even if he is, there's no way I will know, so I suppose I should just stop thinking about it altogether.

I left my grandparents house so now I'm back in my own house and I'm just chilling listening to music, I also wrote down in my diary my feelings and the lessons I learnt in 2015, and the different ways I can better myself as an individual in 2016, which really helped a lot.

[Butterflyxx]

You were so unhappy with him your whole relationship!

 

Stop yourself. When he pops into your head say "STOP" mentally to yourself and force yourself to think of something else. Actively work on not letting him control your thoughts, and then one day you just won't think of him anymore.

I wasn't unhappy with him the whole relationship, at the start it was absolutely perfect but near the end he lost interest I guess and I became clingy.

He was my best friend for 3 years before we started dating and he was a big part of my life and it hurts that I'm not in his life in 2016.