She wears revealing clothing

[mhowe]

Kids...do you both want a time out?

[Moontiger]

Ok your nipple comment fathoms me immensely. Why you hold that view beats me.

 

We live in a dangerous world, and it wouldn't be wise for women to run around nipple free.

 

There is no logical reason women shouldn't be allowed to be topless just like men are. I've seen guys with bigger boobs then most women I know walking around topless.

 

And the whole "it's safer for women to dress conservatively line" is basically victim blaming and proven to be untrue. Women get attacked/harnessed no matter what they where. Better to address the aggressors then impede women's rights by dictating what they where.

[bulletproof]

This is a small thing but really telling, if she knows it upsets him to wear this ONE shirt she shouldn't out of respect for him. They should be able to talk about it be not a big deal.

 

They did talk about it. She disagreed. And we shouldn't all just respect what our partners want when we find it irrational, which in this case, the OP's gf does.

 

It's not healthy to just blindly give in to something we find irrational, because it sets a poor standard. What if he decides something else is too revealing the next day? What if he decides she's wearing too much makeup and it's attracting too much attention? We all have to walk the fine line of being respectful toward a partner but also being true to ourselves.

[Moontiger]

If the OP would come back and explain WHY he feels this way it would be very helpful.

[superfan]

As Victoria pointed out in an earlier post, in the province of Ontario where we both live it is perfectly legal for a woman to go out topless. It was legalized in the 90s.

 

It is not legal for a man to show his penis off. These two are not the same thing - not even close.

 

All the topless law did was level the playing field - if men can walk around displaying their nipples, so can women. Neither women or men can walk around without pants on so the comparison doesn't hold.

 

And no, it's not a valid argument to say women shouldn't do it because it's "dangerous". That is extremely offensive victim blaming. It's essentially the "she was asking for it" argument.

[tiredofvampires]

Oh please, hats and her boobs hanging out, are totally different and you know it.

 

So for you, wearing a hat that is detestable to a partner says, "I have a right to wear whatever headgear I like. Too bad if you don't like it."

 

Whereas, wearing a blouse that shows nipples says, "I might want the guy standing next to me in the condiments aisle to get his shopping cart close enough to me, reach out, run his fingers around my bosom, and tweak my nipples. And then depending, go find the restroom and prop my ass up on the sink for him to tap. Too bad if you don't like it."

 

Is that it?

[j.man]

And the whole "it's safer for women to dress conservatively line" is basically victim blaming and proven to be untrue. Women get attacked/harnessed no matter what they where. Better to address the aggressors then impede women's rights by dictating what they where.

Not sure I'd call it victim blaming as much as I'd simply call it wrong. Me saying a piece of chicken looks delicious isn't excusing someone on a diet to eat it. But women are just as likely to get raped in a low cut t-shirt as they are wearing a pant-suit or baggy running hoodie, so it's somewhat of a moot point as far as this thread goes.

 

I do think women should be able to walk around topless. I sympathize with women in that I can't imagine playing a pickup game with my friends or running on a 98 degree day with a shirt on.

 

However, while admittedly amusing, I don't think the previous hat example is very well analogous. I'd associate it much more with me casually walking around with sleeveless shirt or cutting the sides off a t-shirt to expose my torso. i'd hesitate to call it "wrong," but speaking generally, the intent is rather obvious. Liking attention isn't wrong, but neither is not being comfortable with your partner seeking that kind of attention while with you.

 

Again, a matter of preference. I agree with others who have suggested that this woman probably didn't go into dating him dressed like she came straight from a polygamist compound so I'm not sure what he expected. If he wants a woman who can feel sexy without such external presentations, then he should seek someone else and let this woman do who she is.

[Moontiger]

See part of the issue is we don't know why the OPs gf wears this particular top. From my personal experience women rarely wear things for any other reason then it makes them feel good and/or it's comfortable. To automatically say she wants attention isn't accurate IMO.

[saluk]

I think the line here is too fuzzy for us to call it. Sometimes the line is easy to see and say, "nope that's over the line", sometimes it's not. In examples like the toothpaste and the hat, it's clear that those things may be annoying but they are acceptible and having a strict boundary there would be unreasonable. Here I don't think it unreasonable for the OP to have an issue with the shirt and to complain about it. Is it so over his line to be worth a break-up? That really comes down to how strongly the OP and his GF feel about it.

 

Victoria is never going to tell her man she likes his hat, and I'm going out on a limb here but I would imagine she has ribbed him about it on more than one occasion.

 

If the OP and the GF can get along, despite the fact that he has issues with that shirt and will bring them up from time to time when she wears it, it may just be one of those things that two people don't agree on. You can't agree on everything! If either side can't get past it ("I can't handle that he doesn't like the way I dress", "I can't handle the way she dresses") then you reach that impasse where a breakup is clearly the right option. She can find someone who better appreciates it, and he can find someone who he is more comfortable with.

[Helpexpressme]

So for you, wearing a hat that is detestable to a partner says, "I have a right to wear whatever headgear I like. Too bad if you don't like it."

 

Whereas, wearing a blouse that shows nipples says, "I might want the guy standing next to me in the condiments aisle to get his shopping cart close enough to me, reach out, run his fingers around my bosom, and tweak my nipples. And then depending, go find the restroom and prop my ass up on the sink for him to tap. Too bad if you don't like it."

 

Is that it?

 

Nooooo. That's not it.

 

Comparing nudity and hats is ludicrous.

[Seraphim]

The thing is she is not nude. She is wearing a low cut top. That is not nude. And any guy here who complains about it better never be bear chested in public ever again.

[tiredofvampires]

I wonder how many men with perfectly chiseled torsos would stop going shirtless altogether if their woman said, "Every time you go shirtless, women gawk. I see them turning their heads, staring at you. (yes, we women do gawk at a perfect set of fine, contoured pecs and delts!) It makes me uncomfortable. I just don't want you baring your chest in public anymore."

 

I'm guessing love notwithstanding, it'd be hit the road Jane. (And I'd support that.)

 

I'm not even equating men's and women's boobs -- I'm talking about either partner feeling insecure and jealous of their partner's body, and asking them to cover it up because the opposite sex at-large is starting to drool.

[tiredofvampires]

Nooooo. That's not it.

 

Comparing nudity and hats is ludicrous.

 

So let's get off the hat comparison.

 

What IS it, then? Your gf's boobs are visible or semi-revealed. Other guys find them hot-looking or at least look-worthy because you know, you're guys and they're boobs.

 

And?

 

What is it you're afraid of? It's clear something about this frightens you, otherwise you'd be fine with it.

 

It's easy to just have a reaction without really taking it apart, and I'd like to ask the OP this question but I'm not sure when/if he's coming back, so maybe you can at least provide one man's answer, as you seem to think as he does.

[Helpexpressme]

I haven't read all the posts, but I have sympathy for the author. An ex of mine had this purple tight shirt she'd wear without a bra. In the daylight, she might as well been naked. I was so embarrassed walking with her outside and basically told her you are flaunting WAY too much, I'm embarrassed. Eventually she figured out I was right from all the gawking.

 

Both parties should respect that they have to change somethings about themselves to make the other happy. If my GF really likes me wearing some shirt, I'll wear it more often. It means your trying to make your partner happy, especially when it's small stuff like this. This is a small thing but really telling, if she knows it upsets him to wear this ONE shirt she shouldn't out of respect for him. They should be able to talk about it be not a big deal.

 

This sums it up nicely. I guess it's just a man thing, that you girls simply do not understand.

[Seraphim]

No bare chested men. You guys wouldn't understand .

[tiredofvampires]

I guess it's just a man thing, that you girls simply do not understand.

 

Is this what you would answer if your gf said, "Helpexpressme, what actually bothers you so much about me wearing clothes like that?"

 

You'd answer that way?

 

I'm asking you to try to answer the question with your own words, because "You don't understand" isn't the best way to get another person to understand when they are specifically asking you to help them understand.

 

And your saying "it's a man thing" is telling. Find any man anywhere in any era up to the present, who has ever asked a woman to cover part of her body, either by law or by social sanction, at the pain of death or social frowning, because other men's eyes make him nervous. And they could all chime in, in unison, "It's a man thing." That's the reason? There's no emotional content behind it, it just IS what it IS? It's in our blood, as a fraternity, that we need to control you to some degree, sexually, or else...

 

That's scary. And that's a woman thing.

 

Fortunately, I don't think ALL men feel this way -- as I said, look at the guys whose gf's are out sunning their buttcheeks on the beach here, with thong bikinis.

 

I don't agree with the other poster on many points, btw. If your SO likes what you're wearing and compliments you, which in turn incentivizes you to wear that item WHICH YOU YOURSELF LIKE WEARING more often, both people are happy. If your SO doesn't like what you're wearing but you do, there is a conflict of desire and opinion. And so that is a poor comparison. I also disagree that telling your SO that they have to be more modest in their dress is "a small thing." It's actually a whole set of values -- conservative vs. liberal. So it's not just one shirt. It's all shirts like it and what sort of feelings are behind that request/demand. I would not date a guy who told me not to wear a certain type of shirt, even if I just had one like it in my wardrobe, because that's a HUGE divide of social views. And a guy like the OP and you would not date me, because I feel strongly that I don't want this type of jealousy or controlling behavior in my relationship. Unless my guy is extremely clueless about how to dress in certain company, I don't get to be the boss of him and vice versa.

 

So anyway, I re-ask you the question, looking for a real answer. No cop-outs. Even men have brains and reasons. ( being a bit facetious with that one)

[Helpexpressme]

Because her choice of dress is a direct reflection on me. It's more than just jealousy and control, it's about how she makes me look.

 

And I wouldn't like it. If that's not an acceptable answer, then I can't offer any thing different.

[Seraphim]

No ,it's not a reflection on you at all.

[tiredofvampires]

So, just so I'm clear, what I hear you saying is, you don't want other men (or just people in general?) to think, "That guy's with a tramp".

 

Is that it?

[Helpexpressme]

So, just so I'm clear, what I hear you saying is, you don't want other men (or just people in general?) to think, "That guy's with a tramp".

 

Is that it?

 

Yes Vamps, that is correct.

[tiredofvampires]

Well, fair enough.

 

What if she's wearing the garb out in public and you're not even with her?

[Helpexpressme]

Well, fair enough.

 

What if she's wearing the garb out in public and you're not even with her?

 

To be honest I wouldn't date a woman who dresses like that. I like classy women. If she did go out in public dressed "like that" I probably wouldn't know about it.

 

That is my preference in a woman, and there are plenty of women who like to keep their bits covered. That's why the suggestion of the OP for her to wear a cammi struck a bell with me.

[tiredofvampires]

To be honest I wouldn't date a woman who dresses like that. I like classy women. If she did go out in public dressed "like that" I probably wouldn't know about it.

 

So for you, it's about "class." The OP stated that he feared guys would "gawk". That's not your reason? For you, it's more a matter of how you are perceived?

[tiredofvampires]

And I'll add, you also feel that a woman who wears a loose-fitting top just seems to need too much attention?

[Helpexpressme]

So for you, it's about "class." The OP stated that he feared guys would "gawk". That's not your reason? For you, it's more a matter of how you are perceived?

 

Yeah I guess it is!! And if the OP comes back, you may find it's part of his reason too. But we may never know.