Issues with physically affection? Ice queen?

[Poodlelover]

Info on us:

We are both in our early 20s. I'm 2 years younger than him. We've been together for almost a year and a half now. We moved in together a few months ago.

 

We talk lots about future plans like buying a house etc. Im running my own business at a young age and he loves how independent and driven I am. He's the kind of guy I want to be and stay with. He's laid back, so kind, and I never feel like I'm being restricted from being who I want to be. There are so many more things I love about him but that's not the point of this post lol

 

So he has said I'm a ice queen and don't cuddle. His mom even said to him that I don't seem very touchy feely. I've never been a touchy feely person. I actually remember around 12 when my anxiety started, my mom would try to give me a hug and kiss on the head before bed and I would almost cringe and flinch. Eventually she stopped trying to make me tolerate that. I think it kind of hurt her. I had the most supportive stable and healthy upbringing with two parents etc, that this aversion to affection is so confusing to me. There has never been violence or abuse in my life by anyone.

 

It's almost like I feel awkward about it. Does anyone else feel like this? Or am I some weirdo? Lol

 

 

I feel like a successful human being, getting through my major anxiety over the 4 years of high school and then doing what no one expected me to do by very successfully running a very profitable business at a very young age. I've come so far, people and teachers I went to highschool with dont even recognize me.(in a good way lol). They are always shocked when they find out what I'm like now.

[j.man]

Speaking purely in conjecture, I've never really met someone who was especially averse to touching who wasn't a little bit... off.

 

Now that's just PERSONALLY. If you are completely happy in every regard other than not feeling inclined toward physical contact, then you do you. It just may end up being the case a guy may require someone who is more fond of physical expressions of intimacy.

 

I touch everyone, so it would be a difficult situation for me to reconcile with if my girlfriend were like you.

[Helpexpressme]

I'd start cuddling if I were you.

 

There has to be a way to get over this. Cuddling in a relationship is a must.

[DoF]

There is only one way to overcome your deepest fears.

 

Do what you don't want to do! Face them, head on.

 

Set a goal, next week, hug/cuddle with your boyfriend ONCE. Ease into it.

 

I'm gonna suggest that you start doing this, because if you don't you will only distance your boyfriend from you and he will feel unloved. Intimacy is a HUGE part of a successful relationship.

 

Hope that helps and good luck

[jobelle]

For many years I found physical contact difficult to deal with, especially cuddling, but unlike you I did not exactly have a loving upbringing. That was until I kinda forced myself to tolerate it. And then I had a 5 y. relationship which was very healing in different ways and during that time I somehow started loving cuddles and proximity. Now I can't get enough. This is of course under the condition that I have strong feelings for the guy I cuddle with. I still have abandonment issues and certain intimacy issues and whatnot - but cuddling I love

[Knot2loud]

You're not alone. Everyone has a comfort zone and yours isn't a "touchy-feely" one. Some people are very touchy-feely and desire it. There's nothing wrong with either that I can see. Personally, I'm not a touchy-feely type. Wife, children and grand children I don't have a problem with, but friends and strangers... Nah. I have a grandson who's not touchy-feely. He's perfectly healthy and sharp as a whip, but he just doesn't care to be hugged or anything like that. He will, on occasion, give gramdma or me a hug, but for the most part... he doesn't.

 

I don't believe people really understand someone who doesn't like to be touched much. We're not mental, it's not to say that we don't ever want to be touched - we'd never have relationships if we didn't. We just have a different comfort zone when it comes to being touchy and feely.

 

Now there are extremes and I've met a couple of them in my lifetime. I can attest that they were a little "off" as jman had described.

[lostandhurt]

This is where a professional therapist comes in. Is this a phobia? Anxiety? Blocked out abuse? Trauma? or something totally different?

 

Do you like to cuddle with animals? Lets say a cat or dog? What about during sex? Do you let your guard down then?

 

For your own sake I would seek help with a therapist just to see what they say. If this is just who you are then I am afraid over time your bf will resent the perceived rejection like your mother did and end it with you.

 

Finding a guy that doesn't want to hug and hold his girl will be a tough road to plow.

 

Lost

[Dottieflanogon]

This could be a situtation with intimatcy or not feeling comfortable in your own skin/body. Try just relaxing and letting go don't worry about the whole touchyness

[Poodlelover]

Thanks for all the different information and ideas! I might not have made it clear in my post that I do enjoy cuddleing it's just that for some reason I find it almost awkward for some weird reason.

[Poodlelover]

This could be a situtation with intimatcy or not feeling comfortable in your own skin/body. Try just relaxing and letting go don't worry about the whole touchyness

 

That exactly how I feel!!!

[Poodlelover]

I'm not actually averse to physical affection. It just feels awkward. I do cuddle and try but I don't think I do enough