Ex says she doesn't care anymore

[PC96]

Does getting rid of baggage instead of ignoring it until you develop internal rooted problems and insecurities count as "practical"?

[mhowe]

i am not indifferent...that would have a modicum of effort involved. I simply don't even think about them.

[PC96]

I wasn't responding to you mhowe haha, I am responding to Jeff about his goal of indifference. I agree, not thinking about them is the right way to go.

[mhowe]

I don't think the whole "indifference" thing is healthy. If you continue to ignore your problems and emotions until they don't even bother you anymore. That is called baggage. Trust me, I've done it before. After a breakup with a girl I dated for 2 years, we went into no contact for a really long time without being able to say things and get things off our chests. It was horrible and I definitely still carried baggage onto my next relationship and into my life. It goes against human nature to stop caring about someone you loved. If you're mom or dad were to die, would you eventually stop caring about them? No. You would stop thinking about them and move on and appreciate everything they've done for you

 

Dude...you only carry baggage if you chose to! I was in a relationship for 8 yrs. He cheated...I found out, we broke up. We didn't discuss it, we didn't review our issues...we broke up. I didn't carry the "I can't trust any man b cause of this loser" forward. I took time to heal and review what kept me in the relationship. There is no conversation or letter to or from him that would have made an iota of difference.

[PC96]

Exactly. You only carry baggage if you choose to. I chose to apologize for what I felt like I needed to apologize for and got it off my chest. You can think that I am being immature or manipulative or whatever but the beauty of words gives us the ability to say what we feel. She probably feels annoyed and untrusting of me which is why she chose to respond that way. Holy cow, I just had a another revelation. Haha, talking things out really helps me put things into perspective. She not being "unfair", she's just saying what she feels.

[Jeffbobo]

I wasn't responding to you mhowe haha, I am responding to Jeff about his goal of indifference. I agree, not thinking about them is the right way to go.

 

Indifference to me means being at a point where you're not pining for them. You don't want them back. It does not hurt when you think about them or the ways they have hurt you. There will always be memories that come up with exes. It's the way that you react or let it effect you that's the difference.

[SooSad33]

Necessary closure? No, don't expect it. We often don't get that....

 

After a BU, there's so often MANY emotions flaring on both sides. It's not that easy for some to 'accept' and move on as feelings are still there.

So... for a while it is best you both carry on, on your own.. apart with NO expectations.. no contact.. nothing.

 

The way you are talking here is more of in the future.. months + down the road. Don't expect anything at this time with emotions etc still so fresh. Things can settle down eventually and negative feelings will ease... in time

[PC96]

Update: So she emailed me back apologizing for being so harsh and that she was just annoyed at my hypocritical behavior. We then exchanged a few emails forgave each other for things we may have did and ended on a friendly note. I feel a lot better now. I don't want to be with her and we are on friendly terms. I think that's a win win scenario!