Astrogirl Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Hi All, As many of you have read I finished a not-so-good long-term relationship three months ago. Now I have been asked out on a date with a guy I met online. Naturally, I am very nervous, but I really do like what I've heard so far and don't want to mess things up. I am outgoing and have humour, but my confidence has been knocked sideways and it'll take a little time to get back on my feet. Any suggestions to help it go well and things to avoid are welcome. Even funny first date stories can be included to help me relax. Thanks Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Hmmm. Dating when your self-confidence is not fully recovered from a previous blow is tricky. Be careful that it does not cause you to overlook red flags, or to settle for bad behavior, down the road - because when we do not have confidence in ourselves, we do not trust our perceptions. Also, not being fully recovered from the hurt of a past relationship can make a person distrustful of a new relationship, so watch out for that too. Just basically keep in mind that your view on relationships is skewed right now, and that it might affect the way you see a new guy. For the date itself - wear something you know makes you look good, that you feel comfortable and confident in. Listen to whatever kind of music makes you happy and feel confident while you are getting ready. Do things during the day of the date that make you feel masterful - things you're good at. And keep doing things that boost your self-confidence! That's the only way it will recover. Google "self-esteem building activities" and do them. Try positive journaling. "Don't"s - Don't get drunk and start talking about your ex, or any combination of those two. Don't share information about how vulnerable you are feeling right now. Don't sleep with him on the first date. That's about all I can think of! Good luck. Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Wow! SpottiOtti, that is fantastic advice. Thank you so much I'll read your post about an hour before my date to remind myself Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 You should keep fun and light and easy going. No talks about ex or serious stuff. Have fun! Link to comment
SURPRISE Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Be really careful with this. I am probably one of the most level headed people I know yet when I was dating shortly after my marriage ended, I met a woman in a country bar and we both seemed to really click that night. She went home the next day as she was only visiting and lived in Oregon and me in So Cal. We did this relationship thing by internet and phone for a couple months. I decided I was going to fly to see her for a week because things were going so well. When I got off the plane at the airport, I realized I had made a mistake. The one thing I did not count on was that we will try to make the relationships in to what we want them to be when we are struggling with a past long term relationship. When I got there I felt that I had made it all in to way more in my head then it actually was. It really caught me off guard. I still spent the week up there with her and we did have fun together more as just friends, it just lacked that chemistry that I really wanted to find again. My point is, by you posting here, you are really trying to make it work out in your head and the online stuff can be fun, but make sure to keep a realistic view of where you are and don't take things to seriously until you have spent a bunch of time face to face. Good luck! Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Take it easy... You may find that after this 'date', you're maybe not quite 'ready' yet to look at dating/getting involved again... yet. You're only 3 mos in from a BU of a LTR. Not much time has passed yet. Do YOU think you've accepted & healed enough in order to move on again? I needed at least a year to fully recover from my 2 long term relations. Link to comment
Striker0602 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I have been broken up with my ex for 5 months. Been on 6 dates, and only felt any actual interest in someone within the last few weeks. It didn't work out, and I felt bad, but realized that it was the first time I had actual feelings not based on my breakup, the first 5 dates were a total waste of time. They never had a chance with me, I rejected all but one, it just didn't feel right. My point being, in my case, I didn't know I wasn't ready until I felt ready again, and could have sworn I was ready when I wasn't... Now that I am ready, I don't have that "needy" feeling where I want someone all the time. I actually deleted all of my online dating profiles and am enjoying the bachelor life, It's nice to be back to myself, and be independent. You MIGHT be ready, but 3 months isnt all that long. Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 Thanks to everyone for your replies. I know it may not seem long but to me the split seems it happened a lifetime ago. I have been on other dates and, although I still hurt from my ex, I enjoyed myself on those nights out being treated. I know there's no chance of getting back with my ex as it's been nearly 8 weeks. Talking to this new guy has actually taken my mind off the past and sometimes I think, 'Hey, I haven't thought about my ex for a few hours.' An achievement for me. I'm going to go on a date with this new fella as I'll enjoy myself no matter what happens in the days after. Just really needed some advice on acceptable and not-so-acceptable things to do and say, and how to instil confidence as my nerves will be all over the place. Link to comment
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