Hard breakup and I feel like I'll never be normal again

[Ludwig22]

Hello members any advice would be greatly appreciated,

 

I posted about my relationship a little while ago so you can go there for reference to keep this brief, but basically after being four months into my break up of a relationship that lasted 5 years, although I no longer have the urge to contact her (I fully realize that it's over) I feel like I'll never feel the way I used to again. My self esteem is shot over the way she left me for another man and although I think that I'm at least average looking, I feel unattractive and unworthy of ever being loved again. Some of it has to do that I blame the times I was emotionally avoidant during our relationship and that led her to cheat once and eventually leave me for another guy (different guy).

 

For those who were dumped after a LTR how long did it take to finally feel normal and what did you do to cope during that time?

[lizardo55]

I did the breaking up in my relationship, but I've still had a hard time getting over it. In my opinion, it's not your fault that led her to cheat. It was her choice. Even if you were making some mistakes, she still chose to cheat. She could have ended things with you. My ex cheated on me as well and told me that I "drove" him to cheat on me due to all the pressure I put on him.. blah blah blah. If he disliked me that much, he could have broken up with me. I think it's normal how you feel right now.. you got out of a LTR. It takes time. Keep working on yourself every day. Do things that make you happy and that you enjoy. Definitely go no contact. I broke this after a few months, and there really is no point to contact your ex - it's best to start a new chapter of your life without them! So basically what I do is to keep focusing on me. I've lost weight. I eat healthy. I try to put positive energy into other things. I still struggle some days with the fact that I haven't found anyone yet - and my ex has already dated 2 people.. but ultimately you have to realize that you deserve better and someone that won't cheat on you! There are many posts on here about how to keep moving forward and stay positive! Hang in there!

[Movingforward3]

I am sorry for your pain. I would tell you it takes what it takes. After 3 months I am starting to feel a bit more like me. But, I have my days of sadness like today. You have to allow yourself to live and move forward. Exercise and eating right has helped me. Go no contact, get rid of all reminders gifts photos of your ex, spend time with family and friends, hobbies, have fun. Give yourself the freedom to live! Good luck!

[92151794]

So sorry I am going through the same thing right now I have my good days and my bad days. Its hard waking up all alone. But it will get easier. Focus on you and keep healthy. All the best

[Kate221]

please dont try and make excuses for her cheating. You may have been emotionally avoidant but that doesnt give that person an excuse to go and cheat.

 

I'm sorry that you're going through this. It really is so painful and I am going through something similar. I agree with all of the advice above. Take on new hobbies, volunteer for a charity or something, eat well and exercise - even if you just work out for half an hour or go for walks.

 

Unfortunately I have to have contact with my ex as we work together but from this experience I would say go no contact!I believe I would be in a much happier place if I didnt have to speak to him.

 

You will find someone else and everytime you doubt this just remember how much she hurt you and look forward to meeting someone who would never dream of cheating on you or hurting your feelings.

 

You will be okay again, it just takes time.

[Seymore]

Whether you're the dumper or dumpee - and I've been both - you'll feel like that. But you will become a new person. Heartbreak is the worst feeling ever but you'll recover. Give it a couple of months. Enjoy being on your own for a while. And hindsight is 20/20. Think back, talk to yourself even, and realize the times you should have put your foot down - realize the red flags you may have missed. This is a good opportunity to take note of things so you don't make the same mistake again.

[Ludwig22]

Whether you're the dumper or dumpee - and I've been both - you'll feel like that. But you will become a new person. Heartbreak is the worst feeling ever but you'll recover. Give it a couple of months. Enjoy being on your own for a while. And hindsight is 20/20. Think back, talk to yourself even, and realize the times you should have put your foot down - realize the red flags you may have missed. This is a good opportunity to take note of things so you don't make the same mistake again.

 

I know I shouldn't care, but I somehow doubt she feels as bad as me as the dumper, as she seems to be enthralled with the new guy. I guess that is really what hurts the most. I know I wasn't perfect but to throw away 5 years on the drop of a dime as if we didn't even exist just hurts so bad. I'm doing as much activity as possible to try to get trough this though and I am determined. How long was it until you started to feel any sense of normalcy again?

[Seymore]

Well I just went through ending a 2 1/2 year relationship and despite knowing it was the best thing for both of us, I have a feeling it'll be a few weeks to get back to normal. The last relationship took about 3 months to heal, but I noticed that reading a lot of self help books and doing new hobbies really helped a lot. You'll get there, you just need things to distract you.

[Ms Darcy]

If you keep it all inside and don't really talk about it, it can take a couple of years. If you talk through your pain and process it a bit with someone, it can take less time to move on.