Unable to love

[Smiles2]

I loved. Once. Maybe that's all we get in life. One love. She wasn't special to anyone else, and by that I mean she didn't have any outstanding qualities that would make her extraordinary. Yet, she was extraordinary. Every thing about her was extraordinary.

 

It's been three years since the end of that relationship. Unfortunately, it's been three years of loveless torment for me. I have been robbed of my ability to love anyone, and each passing day it gets worse. I am spiraling into a dark pit of emotionless gloom. I look all around me for a helping hand, but I only receive closed fists of anger and misunderstanding. Every action of mine is a desperate plea for help before I am lost forever, yet nobody understands.

 

How can a single relationship affect me so much? They say time heals all wounds, but it only dulls the pain. The wound remains gaping unless treated. This relationship has affected all other social interactions I've had. I no longer trust my closest friends, and I defend against all intimate connection to any female friend. She loved me, he parents hated me. In fact, parents was the cause of the end of the relationship. Resulting in a deep mistrust of all adults, including my own.

 

Furthermore, I seem to have lost all ability to feel emotional pain. To highlight my state of emotionless existence: my pet of 10 years died and I received the news as if it were nothing. And I'm afraid nothing is left of my heart.

 

I am paralyzed by fear of further pain, yet I crave the feeling of emotion once more. How much longer will my heart be entombed by the ghost of a long dead relationship? How can I feel again? I've been told that to forget lost love, I must find new love; but each relationship I have ends in emptiness.

 

Please, allow me to love again.

[SooSad33]

"I've been told that to forget lost love, I must find new love;"

- I don't believe that.

 

Dealing with any loss takes time... not something else to fill the void.

 

Have you tried therapy?

Do you think you could be depressed? Doctor can look into helping you out there. ( med's, counselling, etc).

[Clinton]

Get therapy.

[Movingforward3]

Sounds like depression to me. Get help.

[melancholy123]

Please get some therapy, it can make your life 180 degrees different.

[trust101]

Agreed with the rest. After 3 years, your thought processing should have changed. Yet everything in your life seems to be connected to this girl. Why?

[Smiles2]

Thank you all for your replies. I do not believe that it is depression. I feel normal from day to day, but I am unable to feel intimacy or grief.