Too fussy with women after Ex... Normal?

[Swan89]

A bit over a year ago, I was in a short term relationship with a girl that I consider to be the most attractive woman I've ever laid eyes on.

The problem is now, is that I will only consider dating women that are strictly my 'type', have similar physical assets to my ex girlfriend and I feel as though it is a huge problem for me because I will make every excuse under the sun to avoid dating a woman, even If she is quite attractive, interested and available.

I consider myself to be over my breakup but this is causing me to feel confused and half-interested in any women I meet.

I usually end up wanting to sleep with them but It doesn't happen because they won't do that unless I date them.

I think it's wrong to date a woman when you have no intention of having anything more than a casual sexual arrangement, when she may want more.

It could be a waste of time for us both If she wants more and I'm just waiting for her to put out.

 

I haven't met a single person that I would consider dating, usually because I find them sub-par in the looks department compared to my ex.

 

Any advice on this?

Thanks.

[DoF]

Looks/attraction is important, don't get me wrong BUT THE PERSON is what you are really looking for.

 

As long as there is attraction, you are good.

 

Remember, looks fade with time, and when they do......you end up with the person.

 

I also find that most "very good looking people" are not exactly the best people (not saying that they don't exist).

 

As they say "NOTHING is good when taken to the extreme". Shoot for attractive or somewhere in the upper middle, not all the way to the sky.

 

You are looking for a GREAT PERSON (balance of LOTS of things) not JUST "great looking". If you don't do that, you are simply setting yourself up for a complete failure.

 

Good luck

[Moontiger]

A couple of things,

 

1) I don't think you are as over your ex as you think you are. You may want to take some time to really examine your feelings/mentality regarding that relationship

 

2) It is perfectly OK to have a physical type that you prefer baring anything that extreme or ridiculous. (Example, women who will only consider men who are some where between 6'0 and 6' 3", men who will only consider women with DD boobs)

 

3) It is fine to have a causal dating situation with a woman as long as your are honest with her about what you are looking for.

 

4) Looks fade (unless you are willing to pay for your lady's extensive plastic surgery, an then you end up with someone unable to make facial expressions). Eventually we are all grey-haired, wrinkly, stooped, etc. It's humor, wit, kindess, etc that last.

[sentiententity]

I think your superficiality will continue to cause problems in your life unless you take effort to correct it.

[melancholy123]

I too dont think you are over your ex or you would not be so focused on finding someone who reminds you of her. Good men and women come in all sizes and shapes and being so fussy means you are going to miss out on some stellar women.

[DoF]

I too dont think you are over your ex or you would not be so focused on finding someone who reminds you of her. Good men and women come in all sizes and shapes and being so fussy means you are going to miss out on some stellar women.

 

Agreed

 

It's ALL about moderation. Shoot for 7s-8s OP. 9-10s are danger zones.

 

Here is a great video hehe

 

[gemmajack]

I can't really give much of advice on your situation because I'm having the same problem as you at moment - even though I am over my ex of 7 years - I seem to be attracted to one type of guys physical and majority of these guys I meet seem to be players or not available (or just in short supply) - I am taking time out from dating.

 

Good luck though.

[gemmajack]

And BTW I don't think you're been fussy - the heart wants what it wants.

[Clinton]

Yes, physical looks do fade in time, but usually youve developed a life together by then and other things compensate.

 

At the beginning, you need to be hot for your partner so physical attraction is important.

 

Date what you're attracted to. Nothing wrong with that.

 

But as has been said, you probably aren't really over your ex yet. Give it time

[John John]

Agreed

 

It's ALL about moderation. Shoot for 7s-8s OP. 9-10s are danger zones.

 

Here is a great video hehe

 

 

 

Agree with this. 6.5s - 8s are where it's at. I'm very cautious with women who are like 9-10s.

 

Out of the three I'm seeing right now...I'd say two are around a 7 (although one seems entitled from our first date, so she's relegated to potential hookup status as punishment, at least so far)...and one is a 9. They all emailed me first (still kinda shocked at that...). The 9 seems nice, but somehow, this just seems way too good to be true. Proceeding with caution and keeping all expecations in check.

[reinventmyself]

If you are limiting yourself to only dating 10's and not wanting a commitment I can see where you may be limited.

First off, do you have what it takes to attract 10's and secondly, you must know that 10's will have plenty of options and they don't need to settle for guys just looking for a hookup.

So. . yes . I can see your window of opportunity is rather small, considering.

And no, I don't think you are over your ex.

[reinventmyself]

(although one seems entitled from our first date, so she's relegated to potential hookup status as punishment, at least so far)

 

Classy . .

[Lucia Amman]

Agreed

 

It's ALL about moderation. Shoot for 7s-8s OP. 9-10s are danger zones.

 

Here is a great video hehe

 

 

LOL

 

I never looked at how hot a guy or girl is so I wouldn't really know. I would say I set my standards higher over time. My ex boyfriend was considered a great catch. So after that I went for the opposite haha

No but really I would look for guys that were somewhat equally hot. Nothing wrong with setting some standards for yourself!

I do agree with the rest and I do think you're not completely over her. While I was still with my bf I never found anyone else attractive except for them... I'm thinking the same thing is going on here.

[LoveSoDeep]

OP - I don't think you are over your break-up. You're trying to keep yourself safe by choosing to shoot for the unattainable. That's just a wall you've put up to protect your heart. If you were healed and ready to let people in you wouldn't be shooting down every woman you meet.

 

It's commendable that you don;t wan to use these women who really want a relationship. Since that is clearly not something you are ready for just yet, I think you need to take a break until you're healed.

[Ms Darcy]

Are you super attractive? It's not a problem to be attracted to a 10 if you are a 10 too.

[Swan89]

Are you super attractive? It's not a problem to be attracted to a 10 if you are a 10 too.

 

I get told on a regular basis that I'm handsome, so I guess I must be around that?

I was pretty certain that I am now over it because I thought about her much less, and it didn't hurt so much when I thought about her breaking up with me.

 

Maybe I'm not as over it as I think I am. I 100% agree that I am extremely guarded on a subconscious level, maybe my avoidance of getting to know women is my mind's way of avoiding pain. Now that I think of it, I feel jaded when I think about relationships, but I do feel jealous when I see a guy with a pretty girl and think "why can't I have that?"

But I just don't meet many people in general, and when I do meet women, the said problem arises.

[Tanzi]

I haven't met a single person that I would consider dating, usually because I find them sub-par in the looks department compared to my ex.

 

Then, quite simply, you aren't over your ex. Looks are important to a degree but someone can be extremely beautiful whilst having the morals of an alley cat and/or the personality of a damp squid. Sooner or later they would lose there "attractiveness".

 

Having certain standards is one thing. I personally don't see anything wrong with that but you are comparing them to your ex which is a different matter entirely.

 

One day you will meet someone who will knock you off your feet and it might not have anything to do with their looks. It could be their wit .... their confidence .... intelligence .... the power to hold you captive when they speak .... anything. Looks wise, they could be deemed average but to you they will be amazing. The reason you haven't met that person yet is because you aren't ready to meet that person yet. Your ex is still far to ingrained in your mind.

 

I would give yourself some time out from dating. I think maybe you are trying too hard to replace your ex.