kasop Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 We mutually broke up. I was in a huge bout of depression and we moved way to fast into our relationship. I wanted a second chance right away I begged and it pushed her away. We were only together for 3 months. I saw no hope in getting back together so i went nc. She got another bf and dumped him while we were apart. Said she didnt like him very much. She made contact with me and met up. We both kinda spilled our guts to each other. Talked about our relationship and the goods and bads of it. We discussed how we have great chemistry and how we treat each other so well except for the break up. We talked about how we have the best sex. We talked ab out how our situations arent the best for us to be together. But still we want to be with each other. The next night we got together again and spent the night together. We had sex and spent the following day with her. We also went out on a date last night and had a good time. I asked her if we were dating now and she said yes but we will wait to be boyfriend and girlfriend as we want to take things slow. Shes starting to say things like she used to to me when we were together. I think she is really warming up to me again. Most my friends and family tell me this is a bad idea. It really doesnt bother me though. What she did when we broke up is on het and has nothing to do with me. It is kinda shocking ahe came back though. So im keeping contact to a minimum as much as i can to keep my guard up. I feel kinda like the fall back guy here though. I geuss i have to come to terms with that if i want us to have another chance. I know this is a long one but any advice would be great. Ive been hurt once before but i know that i love this girl. Shes come back into my life and its been a real positive experience. Thanks Link to comment
DoF Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Your actions DO NOT reflect your words. And Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. First you say "we want to take it slow" then you get intimate? Intimacy is the ultimate way to make the relationship go into over drive. It also clouds BOTH of your minds and makes you ignore red flags. I don't recommend it until you know someone VERY well. 3 months in, neither of you know each other AT ALL. Sorry Her not taking time to heal and jumping right into new relationship is a very bad indicator and a red flag. You feel like a fall back guy because YOU ARE ONE. Listen to what your family/friends are telling you......they are right. I would cut this girl off, but I know that won't be so easy cause she kind of locked you in with intimacy now. YOu probably feel obligated to continue this thing........reason # 532342 why intimacy too early is dangerous. ESPECIALLY for a man! Good luck Link to comment
kasop Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 You really think the intimacy has that much to do with it. I know im going down a very risky path to hurtsville. Im aware of this. Im aware that she came back to me probably because she was just alone. But i want her around and here she is. But have i allready become a doormate by letting her back in my life? Idk if i see a future in this. I just want to go with the flow. I like how things are between us right now but i know im gonna want more eventually Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Taking things slow does not mean "we aren't calling each other bf/gf" but ARE HAVING SEX. You have it backwards. She came back for the sex without a relationship attached. There is no future, nor any flow. Link to comment
kasop Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 The intimacy, friendship, and chemistry should be enough to grow into a relationship though? Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 No. You don't go from intimacy back to friendship. What you guys have is chemistry. Period. There was no friendship base ---- there was sex. And that is what you still have. Chemistry. Link to comment
kasop Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 But we were friends for a year before we ever started dating.. i dont see why relationships have to be so confusing. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Well, your depression didn't help. Her getting with someone right away didn't help. That the relationship only lasted for 3 months (the easy part) means it really didn't have a foundation. Link to comment
kasop Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 Your right.. another thing ive noticed is when we are together its all happy joy joy.. when we talk on the phone its fun.. but we mostly text each other.. and its not like how it used to be.. her texts are short and kinda cold sometimes. Like when shes not around me shes got her guard up. I think that says alot Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I think when she isn't having sex with you, she doesn't give you much thought. Link to comment
kasop Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 So am i getting trapped in a FWB deal with my ex? We said we were dating. But it doesnt feel that way. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 You are having sex. Not dating. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 She's making all the rules and has got you on the string as a puppett. She's the puppett master. Link to comment
kasop Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 Maybe it will turn into something more.. if not then it was fun while it lasted and i will probably be hurt all over again. This does bring alot of clarity to the situation. Thanks mhowe Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 What is going to turn into is her dumping you again when she finds someone she wants to date. For now, having sex with you when she wants it is enough. Link to comment
kasop Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 Yes i get it.. shes using me for her own needs because she knows she can. Itll probably be a matter of weeks before she disapears again. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Yes i get it.. shes using me for her own needs because I ALLOW HER TO DO SO. Itll probably be a matter of weeks before she disapears again. I corrected that for you. Link to comment
kasop Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 Your right.. this has only been going on sense friday and i can tell she is allready pulling away. If i talk to her about it i know she will just up and run. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Your right.. this has only been going on sense friday and i can tell she is allready pulling away. If i talk to her about it i know she will just up and run. So what? What you have won't be fulfilling anyway. Link to comment
Shane Falco Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Your right.. this has only been going on sense friday and i can tell she is allready pulling away. If i talk to her about it i know she will just up and run. This might be the most unattractive, unassertive thought process possible. No wonder why this woman tramples all over you. C'mon dude. Link to comment
kasop Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 Well she said she wants to get back together. Said taking it slow just means being sex buddies that arent even together. Says she wants a relationship. She accused me of the exact same things i said about her on here. Now shes kinda mad. Link to comment
kasop Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 Shes mad about my friends girlfriends too.. they dont really get along.. and she told me if we were to be together its them or me.. i just said that was a very controlling thing and we can work something out.. because i do want to be with her. She is now ignoring me. Btw she is bi-polar 2. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I would find someone with a more positive attitude. Link to comment
kasop Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Update We are back together. Boyfriend and girlfriend. We resolved the problems with the friends. We even all hung out and had a good time. We talked alot more and hung out just the two of us all night. No sex. Just us being us. I know im a good positive influence on her . Ive known her awhile and i know how bi-polar she is.. Link to comment
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