Need advice asap??!!

[Diva777]

Hey guys. So my boyfriend and I have been together for a while now. Over a year. But it really bothers me when he hangs out with his friends. As selfish as it sounds I feel really upset when he hangs out with them and I always want to stop him from hanging out with them. I guess I feel kinda jealous. I'm also worried he'll be around other girls or talk about girls when he's around his friends. I guess I'm insecure too.

 

What can I do to help my situation? This is going to sound really mean but I hate seeing other people make him happy. I always feel like I'm not good enough for him. How do I be the number one person in he life who is the most fun to be around and always want to hang out with? I want him to rather hang out with me over his friends. Please don't criticize me as I already know I'm wrong to be jealous and upset by him hanging with his friends. I'm just really looking for some advice here. I want to be with him so badly but whenever he hangs out with his friends I literally feel so sad it's ridiculous. I wish I didn't feel like this but I do and I want to change it. I don't really have friends of my own to hang out with or distract myself with.

 

He's never really made me feel good enough for him and I think that's why this bothers me so much. And whenever he hangs out with his friends it's never just something relaxed. They always drink and do reckless things so I'm always worried he'll cheat on me or other girls will be there and it's so unfair because he doesn't want to include me when he hangs out with them. Ugh even writing this makes me feel so upset and jealous

[mhowe]

You cannot be the only person in his life ---- it's that simple. And it sounds like you aren't fun to be around if you are jealous of his friends and time with others.

 

You need to make friends of your own or find a hobby. You making him your focus will eventually drive him away.

 

You likely don't get invited for 2 reasons ---- it's just the boys OR you try and make it all about you and detract from the time.

[Baily]

Keep acting like that and he's going to leave you. You can not have that attitude in a successful relationship.

Stop looking at other people as competition. Be happy he has friends and encourage him when he's happy. You seem to have the attitude that 'it's all about you.' That's selfish and eventually going to kill this relations and if maintained will destroy all relationships.

You want to be around people who root you on not drag you down....so does he.

[melancholy123]

You need to get a grip on yourself! You can't be the only person in his life, why do you think you should be? Everyone needs friends, and you should be glad he's got buddies to hang with. Your smothering possessive attitude will bite you in the butt as he will see you as clingy, desperate and a total pain. Lighten up! If you can't do this on your own, get some counselling.

 

My guess is you are quite young and still not very mature. Hopefully with time you will get past this as it's no way to live and you will find yourself alone a lot of the time if you keep it up.

[DancingFool]

Go get your own friends, build your own life, find a hobby or a sport and get good at it, figure out something you may wish to volunteer your time for. You'll find that you are much happier and that you no longer feel like you are not good enough. You'll know that you are more than good enough. In addition, your are so zeroed in on him because there is nothing in your life to take up your time and mind. So when you find positive things to take up your time and mind, you'll no longer have this destructive hyper focus on your SO. Right now, you feel the way you do, because there is nothing else in your life. Fortunately you know that's not right and so you can change that with time and effort.

 

If you don't know where to start, look up link removed and all the different social, sport and hobby groups available in your area. If you are still in school or college, you have tons of clubs and activities to join so easily. Just do it.

[greta96]

Yikes, with all due respect, you sound like a guy's worst nightmare! I may have been like you when I first started dating, in my late teens, so hopefully you are also very young, otherwise the only solution for you is therapy. If you're indeed very young, and this is your first boyfriend, then no worries, you'll grow up and out of this, but you may need to lose a few boyfriends to get to the point where you realize that what you're asking is absurd.

If you're older than 20-21, then therapy is all I can suggest, because there may be other issues going on with you, and you need to see what those are and work on fixing them.

 

Nobody will ever make you the center of their universe. Not mentally healthy men, anyway. Everybody needs other people in their lives, besides their partners, be it family members, friends, co-workers, etc. You just don't have the right to demand or expect someone to cut everyone else out of their life, and have their life revolve around you. You are not the sun!

 

Clinginess and desperation are not attractive, and you're taking these 2 to an extreme. It is no surprise that poor guy doesn't want to include you in his circle of friends, he needs a breather too! And if you keep doing what you're doing, you will lose him before you know it...and not because of cheating, but because your train of thought is not healthy and you are basically suffocating him.

 

Worry less about him hanging out with girls and more about your own actions and behavior, because it is your obsession that will end your relationship, not his friends or other women.

[j.man]

He's never really made me feel good enough for him

This right here is the entire problem. The issue isn't that he doesn't make you feel good enough, it's that you don't inherently feel good enough. You can't have a healthy relationship when you don't have a healthy concept of self-worth. You need to seek out therapy so that you're not relying on men giving up their lives for the purpose of attaching themselves to your hip to make up for your lack of self-confidence.

[radiance]

Everything I wanted to say has already been said... Seriously, you need to develop more of your own life away from him. You can't be the only person in his life and it's selfish and unreasonable for you to want that.