xplayboybunnie14x Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Im 14 and i really want a baby ive talked to my boyfriend about it and he thinks its a good idea. Were actually getting together this weekend. He has a car his own apartment and we know moneys not a problem. And i kno my mother would be supportive about it after a while if she didnt kno it was his. but hes 4 years older than me...Can he go to jail for that?...and how would i tell my mother that im having a baby with the one guy she hates?.... Link to comment
DN Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 He probably can go to jail and please think very carefully before you get pregnant. Talk to young mothers about their experiences and how hard it is to look after a baby 24/7. How much they regret not being able to afford things for their childen because they havent a good job, and how they have to live in crappy places. Please think this through. When you are a mother you have to put the baby first - all the time - all the time. Start putting your child first now and wait to have one until you can look after it as it deserves. Link to comment
chai714 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 I would talk to others before you make a final decision. Meanwhile, if you're sexually active, make sure to use proper protection (condoms and/or birth control). Remember, the combination of the two is most effective. Another thing you might consider doing, is volunteering at a hospital - perhaps in a daycare setting. Then, you would be able to work with babies and understand how much care they constantly need on a 24/7 basis. As far as legalities go, your boyfriend could be arrested for statutory rape, depending on which state/country you live in. IF you have any adults you trust, try talking to them about it. A good example would be a teacher, church pastor, or any other adults you could trust. Hopefully, you will be able to make a better decision with the above information. Link to comment
xplayboybunnie14x Posted January 30, 2005 Author Share Posted January 30, 2005 ok for living in a crappy house im not worried about that because he lives in a really good apartment and for the money he has a really good job that pays about 15-20 bucks an hour and he doesnt have to work that much and both our fathers are rich as ****. and about babys needing 24/7 care i deff. kno about that because my neighbor had a baby girl almost 2 years ago that she didnt really want so i basically rasied her. i had the baby for months at a time with out even a call from her mother, and she really didnt even kno her own mother so she called me mommy but now her fathers back and i dont see her anymore and i miss have a baby around 24/7 i loved being called mommy and having sumbody to take care of all the time. Link to comment
cleverme123 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Okay, first yes he can go to jail he's legal your a minor. Secondly, you are 14 and he's 18 you are in different places in your life. Okay, so let's say that you do opt to get pregnant you have a baby and find out things do not work out with this guy. Now I know that you are going to say you love each other and what not but let me tell you a little story. I too wanted a baby, now true I waited until 20 to get pregnant and I was in love and I had the money and everything was great. Yeah well, the key word being was....... About the time I was 8 months along he got tired of dealing with me nagging and what not. He left, I went into labor alone, I had to go to a shelter because he threw me out of the house and here I was with a brand new baby. Fast forward 4 years, I love my daughter to death, and I struggled a long time to be ok. I gave up going to college to take care of a child I have been fired from countless jobs because I had to go get my sick child out of day care. And the father, no where to be found, never paid one ounce of child support never has saw her, she knows nothing of him. Money, boyfriends, parents support that is all great, but what if something goes wrong in the picture you have painted as perfect except your mother disliking him. I was in college your in high school. You won't get any time to be with your friends, what few do actually talk to you after you have a baby. It's a 24/7 job, and it ain't like you can just hand off a baby to whomever you wish at any given moment so you can go out. Plus, if things don't work out with this guy, the next person you meet will have to want to be part of a childs life and believe me you will meet lots of jerks this way. All I can tell you is think long and hard. You are choosing to give up your life and your boyfriend will have to opt to do the same. Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 he has a really good job that pays about 15-20 bucks an hour and he doesnt have to work that much and both our fathers are rich as ****. 1. $15-20 an hour isn't going to seem like much when you have to keep buying baby products (diapers, clothes, bottles, medical appointments, vaccinations, etc.), food, pay the electricity, phone, cable, heating, water bills, new clothes for both you and him, etc. $15 an hour is a lot when you don't have two other people to take care of hun. 2. The fact that you are saying that you guys are going to depend on your fathers is reason enough to keep on your birth control pills. Expecting your dad to take care of your baby by giving you money is a VERY good indicator that you are nowhere NEAR being ready to have a baby. Other people should not have to give you money to support a baby that you've chosen to have. Grow up. Link to comment
DN Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Listen to cleverme123 - this is the reality. If you are posting on here to get dome sort of 'permission' to do this, or people telling you you are doing the right thing, I think you will be disappointed. Sensible people of all ages will not advice you that it would be a good idea. Your boyfriend is not going to be much help if he is in jail. Link to comment
SkyFire Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Im 14 and i really want a baby ive talked to my boyfriend about it and he thinks its a good idea. Were actually getting together this weekend. He has a car his own apartment and we know moneys not a problem. And i kno my mother would be supportive about it after a while if she didnt kno it was his. but hes 4 years older than me...Can he go to jail for that?...and how would i tell my mother that im having a baby with the one guy she hates?.... ................. This kid will mess up both of your lives. Hardcore. Yes, he can go to jail. Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 You are only 14 and want a baby? Both of you need to think about this...BAD. First off as everyone else said, your boyfriend might...no HE WILL go to jail if there are any signs of you tow having sex (the baby would be a very obvious clue). Secondly, you haven't even barely been a TEENAGER long enough! He is technically a legal adult and you are still a child, that's not an offense but that's the easiest way I can put it. You still have alot to do with your life. And the fact that you need to depend on someone else other than your boyfriend is really ridicuous. A real family would at least make an attempt to do things for their own. If anything your BOYFRIEND should be smart enough to know about this already. And third, stats show having a child at a young age like 14 is very dangerous. That could very well mess up your insides and whatnot or could even kill you because your body isn't exactly at it's "safe zone". You really need to take some sexual education classes. I am hard on you because you are not thinking. Alot of girls I know that are even 18 are having big problems caring for their child and they have to go to other people or things in order to care for them. It will take alot out of you physically amnd mentally and financially, and frankly I doubt you are ready for it. But it is your life, I'm just giving out some very truthful insight about all of this. Link to comment
xplayboybunnie14x Posted January 30, 2005 Author Share Posted January 30, 2005 ok when did i every say that i was gonna relpy on my father all i said was hes rich and if i needed a little help he would be there for me....And yes there could be a possibity that my bf leaves me no matter wht i would still love my baby i dont need a guy around to be a good mother. And no i didnt ask for anybody approval of having a baby i dont need that ive deff. made up my mind about that this baby will not ruin my life it will actually make it much better. theres nothing more in my life that i want then a baby. I dont go to real school anymore and i dont have any friends so thats not a problem. Link to comment
hazlcha Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Do not have a baby at 14. Do not have anybody's baby until he's put a ring on your finger. We're all looking out for you. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Honestly, and bluntly, I think having a baby would be a very selfish choice on your and your boyfriends parts, as well as having short and long term complications. Depending on where you are located, yes he can get into a LOT of trouble. Next, you may not be legally have any power to live with him without parental consent at your age. Your parents can put a restraining order against him. And most importantly...you can not support three people on $15/hour, babies cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to bring up from 0 to 18 years of age, and that is not including any extras! How are you going to save money for the future - school for you, or your child, for a place to live (you will need more space at some point!). How are you going to provide enough for clothing, food, for extracurricular things for your child. What about medical bills? Dentist? What if the child is born unhealthy? And what about a firm family foundation? Depending on YOUR parents or HIS parents is NOT a mature decision to make, and is taking advantage of them as well. Not responsible, and very selfish to change peoples lives like that, and bring someone who had NO CHOICE into the scenario as well. Children are not toys, and even if you have babysat hundreds of times, it is NOT the same as having a child of your own - ever. That child is your reponsibility and dependent on YOU, and they deserve parent(s) who can provide them with a stable, safe environment. At 14 and 18, you may love each other, but I have serious doubts you are ready to be "forever" yet or that you will be. Wait a few years until you are truly mature enough and realize the true implications involved in having children. Link to comment
xplayboybunnie14x Posted January 30, 2005 Author Share Posted January 30, 2005 Actually he has asked me to marry him but i havent given him an asnwer yet Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 I don't like making decisions for people but if he is asking you at that age and the fact he just recently became an adult himself...say NO. No offense but I need not explain why, it should be easy to figure out why. But as a side note, you are setting up your boyfriend for complete failure. Link to comment
DN Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 When everybody tells you the same thing it is probably a good idea to listen. There is such a thing as collective wisdom - in other words, everybody sees it the same way. Please think this through. It is an adult decision to have a child, you need to think as an adult not as if you were an impulsive child who has to have what she wants when she wants it. You obviously have had to be adult in your life to look after children - think witht that part of your brain not the impulsive part. Link to comment
ayekasong Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Hey, I've often seen cases where young girls want babies, sometimes just because and other times because they want someone to depend on them. I'm not accusing you of that, but I definitely think you should think long and hard about having a child at your age. You are so young and still have so much to experience. You will not be able to do many of these things while having a baby. And if the father is only 18, that is still very young - do you think he will stick by you once you've had the child? I don't mean to be harsh, but many young fathers do become dead-beat dads. Not all, but many. I work full time and make about $100/day after taxes, which is pretty good money for one person. But if you put a baby in that mix, that is absolutely not enough to support a child. $15-20 an hour won't be much, and I also think that your parents giving you money is a big indicator that you shouldn't have a baby yet. You should be able to support your own child. Link to comment
Hells_Fairy Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG......................... YOU ARE FREAKING INSANE! I had my beautiful daughter 4 days after my 15th birthday and from then on................................................ you can only imagine. Please don't do it. You will never get to go anywhere, party, call friends over to "play".. none of that stuff. Your boyfriend will ditch you and leave you on welfare.... all kinds of stuff. I didn't even read what everyone has written. I only saw the title and immediately started writing. Please... Oh Lord... if I could just turn back time. Don't get me wrong, my daughter is beautiful, smart and very well behaved, and I wouldn't change having her for the world, but it takes SO much to get there. You have got to reconsider. Please, for yours and your families sanity. Link to comment
skyteph Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 To have a baby and take care of it you need to be responsible. By deciding to have a baby at 14 and putting yourself in a position to have a baby at such a young age, when there is no way (as much as you may believe otherwise) that you can properly take care of it, has already proven you to be irresponsible. Why make a child suffer because you don't have the proper means to take care of it? Link to comment
Amethyst Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 The others are right. If you want to have a child around the house, then start baby-sitting more often. Seriously. You can't have a baby just because you "want" one because our wants and desires change. Sure, you want it now, but what happens after you have the baby and the novelty starts wearing off? It's not like the kids you babysit...even if you keep them for "months at a time", you aren't responsible for medical bills or deciding what's best for their well-being. You *can* call (even if you don't) at anytime and receive help or even send the child home. Guess what? Once you have a baby, you can't do that. There's no one to call about decisions because *you* are the one who must make them. You can't send the child home because it will *be* home. You also have to consider the other aspects of it. What happens if your boyfriend is thrown in jail and your baby is born with a severe heart condition and needs a heart transplant? You can't ask daddy to pay for it -- it's not his child or his responsibility. What will you do? At 14, you can't even hold a job in most places. Forget the expensive "what ifs" -- How will you even pay for formula, diapers, medicine, etc.? My cousin's baby was born with an iron deficiency and must have special formula -- it cost $15 to feed the baby ONE meal. She's spending around $60 / day on FORMULA -- not to mention diapers, clothes, toys, bills, medicines, etc.. She's working one job and her husband is working two (not to mention the time they put into taking care of their daughter), plus they are getting government assistance. Trust me, that "well-paying job" your bf has isn't going to get you very far. If you truly want what's best for your future child, then you'll wait until you are able to support him / her to the best of your ability. Having a child now would be nothing less than selfish and would cause nothing but pain for all involved. Yes, having a child is wonderful; but, only when you have the ability to support and take care of it as a loving parent must have. Link to comment
bull Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 first of all, i dont think u have any idea what you are getting yourself into secondly, if ur boyfriend actually agreed to it i think u need to get rid of him. thats just my opinion and its up to u and ur b/f, but i REALLY think that its a BIG mistake Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Everyone else is right! Yes, your bf can go to jail. Yes, $15 and hour is not enough to support a family of 3. I understand your desire to have a child - it's a normal biological urge. Please wait a few more years, at least until you are 18! I was reading in a magazine: From birth to age 18, it takes $200,000 to raise a child! A baby needs a lot of things - more than just love! Like the others said, formula, diapers, new clothes every few months because they grow so fast, constant feedings! Heaven forbid if your child is born with a health disorder. My co-worker and her husband are 30 years old, they make nearly $90,000 between the two of them, and they're having a hard time! She never gets any sleep - he's 6 months old and feeds every 2 hours during the night. Like the others said, you can't go out anymore. You can't even go to the corner store to buy some milk without taking your child with you! You can't even go to the bathroom or take a shower without bringing the child with you - so you can watch them to make sure that they don't fall over! What if you turn your back for 2 minute? A baby can drown in less than 6 inches of water. You are just a child yourself! You will be surprised how much you will grow and mature in the next 4 years. A child needs parents with life experience who can teach them the ways of the world. Trust me - you will not regret it if you wait. If you want to spend more time with babies, do some more babysitting! Sure babies can be cute when you only spend an hour or two at a time, but when they are yours, it's a 24 hour a day job! For the next 18 years of your life! Link to comment
anotherone Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Oh my God !!.. After my baby was born for about 6 month 1) Wake up at Midnight and around 2 AM to feed my baby girl 2) Change her diaper and put her to bed Do not get me wrong I love taking care of my little angle. There is not way at 14 you will be able to know that you are wrong. If you ever have a baby, You will not be able to take care of him/her. Your BF will be in Jail and other people will be taking care of your baby. At your age you should getting an education and enjoy life...and kick your BF to the curve. I am sure he is in a LA LA land. His 15 dollars doesn not buy a penaut in the State. Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 What is your problem? What was the point of asking for advice if you are just going to ingore it and then do what you want? Instead of cursing at us, at least you can say "Thanks but no thanks, I'm gonna have a baby." But as we can already tell you are being quite selfish and don't care about your future and neither does he. Oh and by the way, flaming and cursing at people here is not allowed. And I am sure the admins will bring that to your attention. I am sure we will be seeing you back here in the mere future. Link to comment
Amethyst Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 You bothered because, as someone else said, you want validation. You wanted all of us to tell you it was a wonderful idea. Sorry, but we aren't hear to say what you want to hear -- we're here to tell you the truth. BTW: Mothers have to responsible and mature enough not to throw a cussing fit just because someone says something they don't like. If you want others to deem you mature and responsible, you'd better learn some new vocabulary. Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 That's another thing, if you aren't even mature enough to accept the fact that we are strangers actually taking precous time out of our lives to help a person we don't know and give you advice to HELP you, then you certainly not mature enoguh to even BE in a relationship. Period. As for your boyfriend, for someone that is 18, he surely isn't acting like it. Link to comment
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