Hells_Fairy

Thanks for all of the replies thus far. Kellbell: The reason he became my ex husband is because that was the time that he was cheating on me. He ended up coming home and we worked things out. Slightlybent: I have talked to him about that, but he thinks that my job here at home isn't enough. I tell him all the time that there is no way he could do my job, he agrees, but yet says that it's not enough because I don't make any money doing it. I tell him that I save him money on child care. Plus, I don't know if I could go out and get a job and then come home to take care of him and the kids. He is enough kid for 3 people to handle. If I had his help with some things... like he can get up and get the kids something to drink instead of walking out of the kitchen, sitting down and then telling me that our son told him he was thirsty... I might just be able to handle it. But I don't think that it's fair for him to get to sit around when I am just as exhausted as he is. BTW, I don't sit around the house smoking, I do it outside. I don't agree with parents who smoke around their kids, it's horrible. I am trying to quit also, I don't want that to reflect onto them. Man, this is such a long story, and a long depressing life that I really don't want to live. I am full of potential and I have the skills to tackle being a single Mom and such, it's just finding a way to get to that point that's hard. God Bless all.

Well, here goes... Husband and I have been together for about 5 yrs. now. We have one son who is 2 and I have a daughter who is 10 and he has another son through another relationship who is 7. Our life together sucks. We lived together very early on and I was the one working and such. Now he pays all the bills and I just stay home. It's my choice actually because my son is young, but lately I have been wanting to get a job and use the degree that I got early last year. Here is the situation.. He is not a good father. He loves his kids, but won't pay attention to them unless they are doing something for him. He doesn't call his 7 year old unless I tell him to and he doesn't even play with him when he comes over. He just sits there. He doesn't pay child support and got served the other day with papers saying they are going to take his license(which is his livlihood) and jail him if he doesn't. He gripes about me getting a job when I tell him, how in the hell am I supposed to get there and pay for a babysitter? I could do it with the help of the state, but not until he is gone because he makes too much. Well, I say he makes too much, but you would never know it cause we live in a crappy house he has a crappy car and we don't have anything. I mean, we have nice furniture and that's about it. He doesn't give me money. Half the time he won't even let me go buy groceries. I can't do anything with the kids that involves money cause he won't give it up. He doesn't do anything for me. I do everything for him. God forbid I get sick. When I do though, he doesn't do anything then. Doesn't nicely rub my back, doesn't help me out around the house.. I know it's my job cause I am a stay at home mom and wife, but I would appreciate his help sometimes. I try and try to communicate with him and it will go well for a minute, but then he turns it all around on me and then it's all my fault. He will ask me things that I would like to change and I will tell him that I wish he was a better father as nicely as I can and he will just say you know what, just leave if you don't like it, I will never change. He is mean, ungrateful, unappreciative and unloving. I hate everything about him and the sad thing is, I love him but I can't tell you why. Another example.. I need hormones cause I don't have any women parts anymore, and he won't buy them for me, but he will buy beer. He tells me that he does take care of me by buying my cigarettes and paying my bills, but that's not all we need. If I did get a job, all the money would go to him and that's it. He cheated on me in the past after I got his license back and he went over the road after I bought a truck for him. Then he came back. That was a bad situation. He dropped me and the kids off at my mothers and left. We lost the house and I had to sell everything. But he did come back and things have been crappy every since. Funny thing is though, he tells me every morning that he loves me and the kids. Never fails, mad or not. He tells me how much he loves us and how much we mean to him, but yet doesn't show it. I think actions speak louder than words and I have told him that, but he just doesn't get it. He has the potential to be a good guy, but just isn't. He does work hard, he doesn't go and screw around (anymore) he doesn't go to bars and he doesn't hit me. But, he doesn't do everything else that would make saying that any better. I just don't know what to do. Sex isn't good. I had to beg for it for two years and even then it's over in a second. Forget me, unless I do it. I quit begging. I do everything he asks me to along with being the perfect wife, but I don't feel appreciated and why should I. I can't even go get something to drink at a store cause I have no car, no money, no nothing. I feel for my kids and I just don't even know. I just give up. I would like some advice though. I know this is long and drawn out... this isn't even half of it, but I would appreciate some advice from everyone. Thanks so much for reading. God bless.

Thanks for all that. I do agree with you, but here is what's going on now... We have talked and things are going well. He has told me that he wants to be with me and only me and he only said that because he thought that's what I wanted. Alot of other things were said and I think we are well on our way of reconcialation (sp?). He did however ask me this afternoon when the last time I talked with the OW was and I told him about a month or more ago. Then I asked him when the last time he talked to her and he said last night. Kinda freaked me out. Then I told him straight up that he needed to make his mind up. I told him not to be playing games with me and that if he chose to be with her then he needs to stop all that he's doing now and go get her. He told me that she called him and wanted to get back with him or something. He also said that he has thought long and hard about the whole thing and has decided that being with me/us is what he wants. Pissed me off really that he had to bring her up. I think she told him that she and I talked a week ago and he was verifiying it. I have seriously thought about calling her.... although the thought never crossed my mind until now. On the other hand, I have no right to get mad because it's really none of my business........... although again.. he sure is acting like we are together. He's saying "honey" and things to that effect. Man, this is so confusing. Should I feel angry or what? Leave it be?

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG......................... YOU ARE FREAKING INSANE! I had my beautiful daughter 4 days after my 15th birthday and from then on................................................ you can only imagine. Please don't do it. You will never get to go anywhere, party, call friends over to "play".. none of that stuff. Your boyfriend will ditch you and leave you on welfare.... all kinds of stuff. I didn't even read what everyone has written. I only saw the title and immediately started writing. Please... Oh Lord... if I could just turn back time. Don't get me wrong, my daughter is beautiful, smart and very well behaved, and I wouldn't change having her for the world, but it takes SO much to get there. You have got to reconsider. Please, for yours and your families sanity.

Thank you for that. I have been waiting to read some responses all night. I agree with you 100%, but like you said, it's hard. I think he is also playing me as well. I figure if I give into it (sex) I will feel worse afterwards. Then again, what if we do make love and something hits him? Lots of people will say that sometimes it's a risk you have to take. I just don't know if I can do that. See, I am so confused. I don't want him to play me, I want to be strong and tell him that if he wants us back, here are the conditions........ Man, I am just so so so so so so so so so so TIRED!

I don't think I am going to have a good weekend. What's new? Here's the update: Now, he is in town once again and we have since talked, explained our faults and gotten everything out in the open. He now says that he wants his family back, but it's going to take time. He says that we need to go slow. I agree. He says that if I keep him happy back here, he won't have to go out and get it from someone else, that we are not one, and we are not together, but will be when he comes into town. He says that if we get back together now, where are we going to have a relationship... over the phone? We don't have a house, I can't afford to support him and he can't support us. He pays 800 dollars in child support alone to the other kids, 1,200 dollar a month truck and many other things. He says that he loves me and the kids, that he really screwed up.. all that jabber, but yet.... says that we are working things out in a platonic way. That makes me so mad. So.. what am I to believe, that it's just a sex thing because every time I see him this past week all he wants to do is "ya know". Then he tells me that it's not the sex, he just wants to feel me. He gets all sad and then starts up on how he wants to make it work, but not be monogamos (sp?) during this whole trying time. He said that we can't go into this process thinking that it's going to work. I explained to him that it's kind of hard from my stand point because I still love him very much and he has hurt me greatly. I don't know what to do. Should I just stick it out, try not to think that he's using me and doing someone else, or set my self up to be heartbroken again? WTF? What is he doing? Is he trying to... I just don't know. Could some one please help me! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He came over this AM to bring me some Tylenol and Motrin for the baby because he has pneumonia (sp?). I never call my ex or ask for anything or ANYTHING. I didn't even call when I took the baby to the ER last night. I figured, why in the world do I have to keep paying for things and doing it on my own when his Dad is in town? He doesn't even pay child support. Anyways, he came over the bring the med. to me and talked to me about taking him out of day care, etc. He kept touching me and kissing me. Right before he left, he kissed me and said "I love you". I was like OMG! I just sat there like in a daze. He noticed it real quick and said, "Um...... well... I'll hollar at you later, bring the baby by if you get out". He left and I just broke down. What he is doing is so hard for me. It kills me because of the kids. His son loves him so much and I hate him seeing us together and not together as a family. What my ex did is in the past. He cheated on me and the kids, yes, but I have fogiven him. I have to forgive others so that I can be forgiven and for that not to happen, scares me to death. Honestly, what he did doesn't bother me much anymore. It's not about that. It's about trust, value, commitment and other things along those lines. Yes, he has to prove himself to me while I am doing the same. Problem is, I don't think he wants to prove himself to me. He wants me to do all of the work and him just sit back and enjoy getting what he can while he can. That's not going to work with me. I don't want to tell him that because I am so afraid he will walk away with a simple "alright" and him doing that will just crush me. On the other hand, why in the world do I have to degrade myself just so that I can be with him? I am so confused, hurt... all of those things again. I do so well when he isn't here and when he comes to town, I fall apart. What am I going to do guys? That whole "I love you" thing really hurt.

I'd go talk with his fiance. Ask her what she thinks. It might make things easier on all of ya'll. I can't believe that you are putting yourself through this. It's going to be hard in the end when he won't be with you. It's going to be much harder when your son becomes more and more attached to him. You are just making things worse for you and your son in the long run. I would just go and get out now. Good luck.

Here is my $0.02... Leave her be. If you call her, ask her how she is doing.. that's it. Don't bring up anything. Ask her on a date, and just talk about dogs or something, not ya'll. Let her continue to come to you. Move on. You can't keep hurting yourself with this. I know it's hard, but you do have to do it. I wish I could help more. Good luck.

I am kind of in the same boat as you. My hubby of 3.5 years and I are split. We have a son, 16 months. We have been split for 4 months now. He is saying now that he has hopes for the future and wants his family back, but that we aren't together together, as one. He said that we can't go into this thing thinking that it's going to work and I can't worry about who or what he is doing because we aren't one. He told me that if I keep him happy back here at home, he won't have to go and find it elsewhere. I contributed to our splitting up also with my "wearing the pants" and griping and bi&&hing all the time. In return, he had an affair. He and the OW are no longer together, but it sure is funny when we have so much together, but yet, we can't get back together fully. I don't know what to do either, should I just wait and "keep him happy back home" or just tell him that I don't want to be heartbroken so forget it? I know this wasn't much advice, guess I am just letting you know that you aren't the only one and that I feel your pain. Good luck to you.

Alright. I need some adults to answer this please. My boyfriend of 3 and a half years and the father of my 15 month old son and step-father that my 9 year old daughter has ever had and I are split. We have been now for about 4 months. We had a really bad break up. He cheated on me and we were having other problems. The thing is, he and I have been talking. I told him that I was sorry for all of the things that I did or didn't do and he told me the same. Now, he is the one who had initiated all of the contact. He calls on Wednesdays to check on his son and it usually ends up being about us. Well, for the last two weeks anyways. The thing is, he called me up on Wednesday and just spilled his guts about how he should have done things differently. We both agreed that I did some things too pushed him away. Now, he says that he would like to see me when he comes into town (he's a truck driver) but that he wants to keep it on the "down low". I figure that is because he has talked so much crap about me to his family he doesn't want to look like a moron. That's fine.. I don't like it, I am not even considering taking him back, but I do love him and it could work now that we both agree that the communication line was not open enough and that there are many things that we should have done differently. I figure that if you love someone, you shouldn't care what other people think. Now, my question is what in the heck should I believe? It feels good to know that we are on speaking terms again and that I have apologized for all of the things as well as he. What is he thinking? Is he telling me all the because he is lonely? Is he telling me this because he really feels bad for what happened? What in the heck is going on? As a man, could any of you men who read this give me your insights please? If you look under my name Hells_Fairy and read the post entitled My Piece of crap hubby, you will get a great idea on how bad it's been. So, please help me. Let me know what I should do or ughhh just something. Please... thanks so much ya'll!

Just wanted to let everyone in on my update. He and I are talking in a civil way once again. It's nice. He calls every Wednesday to check on the baby and that's it. He has bought a couple of packages of diapers for our son, but no money. I am getting a little worried about my Jeep, but when I talked to him the other day, I brought a recorder and taped him saying that I need not worry about it that he would take care of it. If he doesn't, I will take him to court. No doubt about that. I am doing much better. I do miss him at times, and sometimes I wish that we could work things out, but I know that it's for the better. He is 30 and still hasn't grown up and I don't need that. I am only 23 and still need to grow! It's a bumpy road ahead, but we will get through it. I will post more later on. I hope this finds ya'll well and God bless all!

I was actually wondering the same thing. My birthday is on the 2nd and my daughters is on the 6th. We were together for 3 1/2 years and we also have a son. Should I feel disappointed if he doesn't call and tell me happy birthday? My b-day falls on Wednesday and those are the nights that he is supposed to call and I wonder if he is going to say something... Well? Opinions anyone?

Yeah, I think it's pretty crappy when you fly out to Atlanta from Texas after not seeing your husband for 2 months... stay for a week (leaving the children at home) going home, being put into ICU for 7 days because you are so damned sick and discovering that your husband cheated on you before and after the trip through his cell phone records and voice mail.

That is such a crock of crap. I am sorry, but he is trying to justify what he is doing. There are so many great fathers out there who aren't with the mother or vice versa. He is telling the other girl the same thing about you... "I can't stand her".. yadda yadda. If he loved you, why did he cheat? Would you have done it to him? No, because you loved him, right? There is your answer. You don't need that kind of crap so don't take it. Tell him that he screwed up and not to ever call you again. Why make yourself miserable over something that's worthless? Good luck.

Here is an update on my situation. His mother in law and I had it out and she ended up calling me to see how the baby was. I later on let her see the baby and so on. The other woman and my hubby broke up and she called to tell me this amongst other things. My hubby has since called me stating he wants to be a father and that he wants his family back. Now, he is currently in town and all hell has recently broke loose. He still hasn't sent me and money for our son and has still not seen my son until today. No money, just the seeing part. It's all such a big mess. He is refusing to sign the papers right now, saying that he has to take them to his lawyer when he can't pay his lawyer which means, no lawyer. His family is still horrible people. He came into town yesterday morning and a sheriff showed up at his mothers to serve him and they arrested him. Then his mother called me and blamed it on me, once again, blaming everything on me. Anyways, he got out and I rearranged the plans of him seeing my son and told him that I was so angry with the fact that I was disrespected. I told him that it was/is sorry of his mother to blame me for his issues. He never would have been arrested if he didn't have any warrants. I told him that he didn't deserve to see my son and didn't deserve to be in his life. I told him that I was sick of being the nice person and I am not going to do it anymore. I have been so nice through the whole thing, to him and his family. I don't know why after everything that he has done to me and the kids, but I was. It is such a big mess now. I am back at square one. I am so sick of him and his family. I am so tired of dealing with it. I am tired of all the lies and disrespect. I just forget sometimes that my soon to be ex is perfect. It's Christmas time, I have hardly any money, my car is broke down, no job.. can't find one to work with my school schedule and I have two kids. UGHHHh just going insane here. What am I to do about this crap? Why does he do this and why does his family do this? Man, what to do? What to say to him if he calls to try and see my son before he leaves? I do not want to see him again. Atlease not right now. I am so confused and hurt all over again and I don't like it. Any opinions anyone? Thanks