Funny Post: Male/ Female Language Differences

[OceanEyes]

I thought that this list was pretty funny at times, and at other times, frighteningly true!

 

When a woman says

 

"You never listen!"

 

The man may think What the hell? Is she crazy? I am listening to her right now! It must be "that time of the month" again. *rolls eyes*

 

What the woman is really saying You may be listening to what I'm saying right now, but you seem to FORGET WHAT I SAY a week later, and it's like I never told you in the first place! Do you even care?

 

 

"It's fine. Just do what you want."

 

The man may think Cool! Bye!

 

What the woman is really saying You are SO DEAD later.

 

 

"I'm going shopping. I need a hat."

 

The man may think Nice. Can you bring back some beef jerky?

 

What the woman is really saying I am going to buy a hat, but will probably spot a shirt, shoes, and possibly a new blender. Oh and maybe a new shower curtain, since the one we have is full of water stains. Of course if I buy a new shower curtain, I have to get matching bath mats and towels. See ya in 5 hours.

 

 

"I feel so fat lately."

 

The man may think Good god. How can I make a run for it? *panic*

 

What the woman is really saying I'm feeling a bit insecure and unattractive today. I'd love it if you would pay me some compliments and give me a hug.

 

 

"Your friend Dan is cute. Does he have a girlfriend?"

 

The man may think Why? Do you want to bone him?

 

What the woman is really saying Your friend Dan seems very nice, and although I have no interest in him, I would be surprised if he didn't have a girlfriend.

 

 

"We never go out anymore. I feel like I do the same things day in, day out."

 

The man may think What the hell? We just went out over the weekend! I swear sometimes that woman is nuts.

 

What the woman is really saying I'm bored with my life right now, which includes my job. I miss the way things were when we first got together. I need some romance.

 

 

"I got my period today."

 

The man may think Does this mean that it is blow-job week? *enthusiasm*

 

What the woman is really saying I'm tired, have cramps, and feel so irritated right now that I may just pick a fight with you if you give me the opportunity. *hopes he does*

 

 

"My back hurts honey, can you rub it please?"

 

The man may think NICE. Here's my chance to swoop in for some action. MAN I'm a stud.

 

The woman may think Awww, he's so sweet!

 

 

"I HATE it when you do that, can you stop?"

 

The man may hear Oh great. She thinks that I am a "fixer-upper". This will be the beginning of a long list of things I will have to change about myself.

 

What the woman is really saying Ahhh, there's one thing I can check off the list. Onto #2 …

 

 

A Woman's take on what men say

 

 

When a man says

 

"I'm tired, going to go to bed."

 

The woman may hear Oh no, what did I do? Is he upset with me? I can help. I am going to go ask him what's wrong and see what I can do to help.

 

What the man is really saying "I'm tired, going to go to bed. And NO, I don't need to talk about it."

 

 

"I'm going out with the boys this weekend, no girls allowed."

 

The woman may hear What is it that you don't want me to see? Are you ashamed of me or don't want me to meet your friends? What's wrong with ME?

 

What the man is really saying My "boys nights" are times when I can act as dumb and immature as I want, without you seeing it. I can fart, burp, and drink beer from a funnel without worrying what you're going to think of me. These are the nights that I blow off steam.

 

 

"You're very irrational sometimes, I don't understand you at all."

 

The woman may hear Hey, I'm NOT complicated. If you really listened to me, you would understand. But you don't, because you don't really care. JERK!

 

What the man is really saying PLEASE think like a man for once in your life.

 

 

"It's a guy thing."

 

The woman may hear If I hear this phrase as an excuse for one more piece of crappy behavior, I am going to snap.

 

What the man is really saying Believe me hun, you don't really want the truth of the explanation.

[SugarSweetness407]

ha ha...very true!!

[boonpop]

I always knew men and women were speaking two totally different languages. This little insight confirms that notion. I got a kick out of reading and agreeing with it.

Thanx for sharing.

[tiger_lilies]

That's so hilarious but soooooo true! Thanks for sharing OceanEyes!

[annie24]

definitely true! For further explanation, the book, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray goes into the topic of "different languages" and translations further.

[drahcir]

In some parts of the world making such "jokes" is consider hate speech. In many counties it is illegal to promote hatred against identifiable groups, and jokes like these are often banned. For example, recently Canada Customs tried to block T-shirts that had the label "Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them" There are limits to free speech, and be careful because comments like this can be interpreted as hate speech and you can be prosecuted in some nations.

[annie24]

In some parts of the world making such "jokes" is consider hate speech. In many counties it is illegal to promote hatred against identifiable groups, and jokes like these are often banned. For example, recently Canada Customs tried to block T-shirts that had the label "Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them" There are limits to free speech, and be careful because comments like this can be interpreted as hate speech and you can be prosecuted in some nations.

 

Oh pu-leeze! What part of the post is hateful or about violence? It sound like the problem with the shirt was "throw rocks", not "boys are stupid."

 

Besides, like I said, the Mars and Venus books are written by a psychologist with many years of research - he's even said that men and women in relationships interpret statements differently!

[DN]

first woman: "I went to the hairdresser today"

second woman "Oh, I noticed. It suits you so much and I love the cut, it makes you look so much younger and that shade brings out the colour of your eyes"

First woman "Oh, you're so sweet. I got the idea when I noticed the fabulous new style you had, it made me want to look as attractive as you. Did you notice the new stylist. He so wonderful, he seems to know instinctively what I need.

Second woman "Oh, I know, he's so understanding and empathetic

 

First man: "Got my hair cut"

Second man: "Uh huh".

[DN]

I think the t-shirt is male-bashing and would be unacceptable if the gender was reversed.

 

But the original post isn't at all hateful by any definition of hatemongering - even in Canada - it's just funny.

[annie24]

[youngin]

"Your friend Dan is cute. Does he have a girlfriend?"

 

The man may think: Why? Do you want to bone him?

 

What the woman is really saying: Your friend Dan seems very nice, and although I have no interest in him, I would be surprised if he didn't have a girlfriend.

 

Ok heres its not "the man may think", he's 100% gauranteed to think that! That would be a very bad thing to say

[annie24]

"Your friend Dan is cute. Does he have a girlfriend?"

 

The man may think: Why? Do you want to bone him?

 

What the woman is really saying: Your friend Dan seems very nice, and although I have no interest in him, I would be surprised if he didn't have a girlfriend.

 

Ok heres its not "the man may think", he's 100% gauranteed to think that! That would be a very bad thing to say

 

Really? I've actually said that to guys I've dated. But, I've actually meant, "Dan seems like a nice, cute guy." Not, "I want to bone Dan!"

 

I'll keep that in mind in the future....

[youngin]

well i guess it depends on the guy. But many guys would get jealous/insecure if their gf said that. I know if mine did, I'd get kinda worried.

[OceanEyes]

In some parts of the world making such "jokes" is consider hate speech. In many counties it is illegal to promote hatred against identifiable groups, and jokes like these are often banned. For example, recently Canada Customs tried to block T-shirts that had the label "Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them" There are limits to free speech, and be careful because comments like this can be interpreted as hate speech and you can be prosecuted in some nations.

 

You can't be serious, are you? I live in Canada, just like you do, and there is absolutely nothing in this post that would warrant "hate against an identifiable group". You might want to read the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms over a bit more closely. Until then, I suppose I can avoid being prosecuted by living on the run. It is, after all, a very serious issue.

 

If anything, I think this post makes the females seem more emotional and less grounded. What's wrong with being uncomplicated? Uncomplicated does not equal stupid.

[DN]

The hate laws in Canada were brought in to prosecute people like Ernst Zundel, a nazi sympathiser who published books and articles saying that the Holocaust never happened, it was all a story made up by the Jews to get sympathy so they could take over Israel (and probably the world) etc and stupid, boring etc.

 

They were not designed to prosecute OceanEyes for posting funny stuff on here. Good God, under that criterion every Yuk Yuks comedian would be spouting his jokes in the Don Jail.

[Ddog187]

very good find it is 2 different lang's

[DN]

OceanEyes, if you get prosecuted, I will contribute to your defence fund!

[DragonGirl724]

i agree with a few of these but maybe im one of those girls that actually says what she really means. im a -pretty straight to the point kinda chick-. i find it to be a lot easier to speak your mind than have people misconstrue what youre saying. and i expect my mate to be the same way. makes life a lot easier.

 

this guy ive been seeing on & off thinks too much. lol he has the nick name "The Thinker" when it comes to me.

 

when we first got intimate after sex he'd sometimes say: "are you okay? what are you thinking?"

 

id usually reply: "ummm, well to be honest, im hungry, & thinking maybe a burger, then a nap."

 

if i was tired & wanted to cut the night short id say: "yo im beat, im callin it a night."

 

hed ask: "are you ok? is something bothering you?"

 

my reply: "no, im just beat, & im callin it a night."

 

usually when you repeat EXACTLY what you said again it seems to seep in. lol

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

first woman: "I went to the hairdresser today"

second woman "Oh, I noticed. It suits you so much and I love the cut, it makes you look so much younger and that shade brings out the colour of your eyes"

First woman "Oh, you're so sweet. I got the idea when I noticed the fabulous new style you had, it made me want to look as attractive as you. Did you notice the new stylist. He so wonderful, he seems to know instinctively what I need.

Second woman "Oh, I know, he's so understanding and empathetic

 

First man: "Got my hair cut"

Second man: "Uh huh".

 

hahaha good stuff.

 

-DG724

[mt_joy]

That is sooo funny! It's all true. I showed it to my bf and he agreed with every one! Especially the "It's fine. Just do what you want." I always mean that he is going to be "so dead" later if he actually does that!

[DragonGirl724]

LOL@SUPREMAN thats classic stuff! lol

 

-DG724

[drahcir]

"It’s fine. Just do what you want.”

 

The man may think: Cool! Bye!

 

What the woman is really saying: You are SO DEAD later."

 

----um...this quote definitely could be interpreted as hate speech....the problem is the phrase "you are so dead later"....isn't that encouraging violence? isn't that hate speech?

 

I have studied the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, and have studied the law to death (i am a criminology student).....i am an EXPERT in Canadian law....all i am saying is be cafeful about what you say....even if you are charged with hate speech, you can still be sued for what you say....of course that applies to me too because i have made some rather ignorant and stupid comments also, even on this forum....i am just warning people to be careful when they make comments about certain groups....i know I Have made that mistake...i freely admit it....so i just want to warn others.....

[Beec]

"Your friend Dan is cute. Does he have a girlfriend?"

 

The man may think Why? Do you want to bone him?

 

What the woman is really saying Your friend Dan seems very nice, and although I have no interest in him, I would be surprised if he didn't have a girlfriend.

 

While I disagree with some interpretations, such as it is a guy thing. When we say it's a guy thing, we say it because after an hour of explanation, you, the woman we said it too, still doesn't get it. But if we mentioned it to any "guy" (and I don't just mean a male), it requires absolutely NO EXPLANATION. A guy just understands.

 

But, I point out the above quote for a reason. A poster yesterday complained about her boyfriend saving photos of women in bikinis on her computer, which she felt threatened by. Can you see the parallels between that and the above?

[OceanEyes]

Oh yeah, for sure. But the thing with the post you mention above Beec, is that a woman will not say something like, "your friend is cute" if she has real interest in him (in which case she would probably just keep her mouth SHUT, ha).

 

I know the post that you're comparing it to also. But in most cases, your girlfriend will simply notice that your friend is really just CUTE. She won't be picturing him naked (and other things that come along with that).

 

I'll be the first to admit that women can go through some very emotional days, and I honestly feel sorry for guys when those days happen and they are around. Honest! It can't be easy for a guy who doesn't have to deal with those kids of hormones (so of course, can't understand how out of her control they are). I can remember being in the presense of a couple, and she just lost it for no reason - I can STILL remember the look on his face, was totally priceless. This expression reminds me of the one I saw from him that day:

 

image removed

 

(I apologize if the person in the photo above is you)

[RayKay]

That is not considered a death threat. For one: it is a joke and people who read this thread will know that. Two: it is not a comment directed at any specific person/group, it was a joke about interpretations/meanings/sayings. Three: it is not literal...saying you are "sooo dead later" is more about "when you get home you are going to hear from me about this!"...not actual murder! Not encouraging violence...people who have heard that "comment" know it is is a joking comment often made between couples to "poke fun" at the dynamics.