Swallow my pride and apologize or stand up for myself?

[mindless14]

To be brief, my kids father and I split a year ago. He met someone else, and cheated and left me. To be fair, we weren't happy. We were staying together out of feelings of obligation. He fell in love. To an extent, I get it. However, this all happened when I was 6 months pregnant with our second child. He's still with this girl. I've tried to have a good civil co parenting relationship with them both, which has worked great at times. However, there have been times where I've felt she's overstepped with my kids, and I've said things to her. I've told her she's not their mother. She needs to back off,

And out of anger and honestly, jealousy, (to do with my kids not my ex), I've said these things in not so nice ways. She's said things too. She's been uncomfortable because my ex and I did maintain a close friendship for a long time. Lately, there have even no arguments, nothing to fight over, and I've tried ring friendly with her. Our sons are on a baseball team together, and at te games I always say hi, try to just be friendly. Tonight she made some rude comments. For no reason. To her 2 year old daughter. Her daughter asked for something and she looked at me and said "we had to be fair because I have 4 kids, not and 2 and 2." My younger son, (9 months) has a bruise on wrist. I don't know where it came from. I'm assuming from him sticking his arms between the bars of his crib. And this is what I told his father. She also made a comment about that. And I feel like, how dare she question tht? Or me. I would never and have never hurt my children. And nothing has ever happened for anyone to ever even think that. And yet she makes rude remarks about a bruise. On a baby who is crawling and learning to walk, and therefore falls, bumps himself on things. And sticks his arms through the bars of crib letting me know he's awake in thei morning. So I asked her, if I could talk with her when she has the time, and clear the air because she obviously has a problem with me. My ex then pulled me aside, and told me that i need to understand that they have things going on in their lies and I need to not take everything personally. He said I need to understand that the things I've said to her are making her act this way towards me and that if I want things to be civil I need to formally apologize. He also told me to let it go. So which do I do? And how do I "formally apologize" to someone that I'd really like to tell off and tell her how much it is not her place to question my parenting to step in were I should be. I'm thankful that she loves my kids and is good with them. However, there are some things that just aren't her place. I am their mother. And I also don't want to not be able to be civil with my children's father because she's uncomfortable if I talk to him. We're not going to dinner together we don't see each other unless it involves the kids. We did however have a relationship where we were able to talk and joke and be friendly when we had to be around each other. And now he wants a " formal apology." And yet I have to let it go and leave her alone. If I'm not supposed to approach her to talk, how can I apologize? All I know, is it cannot go on like this. I don't want my children to sense the tension between us as they get older. I want them to see us get along and grow up thinking that they still have healthy relationships in their families. And if she's making these remarks about me to her 2 year old, what is she saying to my children when I'm not there? All I want is a healthy co parenting relationship with them both. How do I,, and should I, apologize?

[mhowe]

You don't make a fake, face saving apology to someone you can't stand and have no respect for.

 

Just keep your eyes on your own page and your mouth shut.

[Seraphim]

How is she overstepping into your parenting?

[bulletproof]

Tonight she made some rude comments. For no reason. To her 2 year old daughter. Her daughter asked for something and she looked at me and said "we had to be fair because I have 4 kids, not and 2 and 2." My younger son, (9 months) has a bruise on wrist. I don't know where it came from. I'm assuming from him sticking his arms between the bars of his crib. And this is what I told his father. She also made a comment about that. And I feel like, how dare she question tht?

 

I don't really understand what her comments were, so it's hard to tell if they were rude or not.

 

And what exactly is your husband asking for a formal apology for?

[HeartGoesOn]

Sorry, but he created this mess, therefore he needs to figure this one out. They owe you a formal apology, IMO. Stand your ground...

[petite]

He is the one that cheated and brought this woman into your lives. Not only did you have to deal with the cheating, but she stuck around. Just to cordial and nice when it comes to YOUR kids. Don't bother being friendly/nice/sweet/mean/argumentative. Deal with her only if you have to, say Hi, be pleasant and that's it. The parenting should be done by you and the father, if she questions anything then she can question him, otherwise she doesn't have a right.

Also, I wouldn't apologize. you're not an angel, but neither is she. He can take his request for apology and shove it. He's the one that caused the mess by cheating, and wants to dictate and manipulate you now? Why so his girlfriend can feel better/superior? Don't let him manipulate you. Just be nice when it comes to the kids and deal with him out of necessity for the kids. You will have less headaches that way.