Introvert stressed out by extrovert friend

[brigirl92]

So I'm an introvert. I don't really find joy in communicating with friends all the time, although I do have meaningful friendships and relationships with family. Actually constant communication is over stimulating and extremely stressful to me. It literally annoys me and is emotionally exhausting. My ideal friendship is one where we can go days or even weeks without talking, but pick up where we left off when we do finally check in.

 

I have one friend who literally tries to communicate with me every single day. We don't live in the same state so all communication is via the phone obviously. She'll call me in the morning before I've even had a chance to get up, and I'd usually ignore that call cause I'm too disoriented to talk cause I just woke up. Then she'll call me again a few hours later, and if I don't pick up she'll text. Then I have to come up with excuses why I can't talk at the moment. And when we do finally talk on the phone, the conversation usually ends with her telling me she'll call again later on in the day! If I don't want to talk to anyone everyday, I for damn sure don't want to talk to someone multiple times a day.

 

I've even expressed to her that I'm an introvert, it's nothing personal. Not only do I not need the constant communication, the constant communication stresses me out. She kind of blows it off saying we were best friends, I could talk to you everyday. It's ironic cause she is having some family issues right now and shes always telling me how she doesn't want to talk to them everyday and it stresses her out. Why can't she see that it's the same for me when she texts/calls multiple times a day? Sometimes I feel guilty cause I find myself rolling my eyes and sighing when I see her name on my phone screen. I instantly become annoyed at the thought of talking to her and I don't want it to be that way.

 

I've even talked to my therapist about this and she agrees that I shouldn't have to communicate when I don't want to. We live in a time where everyone has their phones in their hands all the time, so people assume we are available all the time. That alone is exhausting. But it's not like I'm not "available" to talk, I just don't want to.

 

Sorry for long rant. But how do people deal with this? I need my space, and I feel like it's being constantly invaded.

[INxJ]

link removed

[brigirl92]

link removed

Thank you, just skimmed through some of this and there are some good points. I'll try to utilize them.

[INxJ]

Hope it works out for you! Setting boundaries can be helpful in all types of relationships.

[quirky]

I think the link INxJ attached is really good and I agree it will be a good idea to be open and honest with your friend about what works for you. I am wondering if also it will be a good idea to look for more introverted friends too where your needs can be mutually understood. With introverts/extroverts there can be tensions and misunderstandings if they are at the complete end of each spectrum. Also, random but there is a really good book on introversion called Quiet.