When Will I Find True Love? When I feel Less Insecure

[VeryShyGuy]

When will I find love? I just came from home a wedding reception yesterday (it was my second cousin's wedding) and I can't help but think to myself through the night, "when will I set at the front of a great hall like this, alongside my true love and simply know I would be hapy for the rest of my life". I can't help but feel tears come to my eyes everytime I thihnk this and I would goaway to the restroom to dry my tears. I am the sort of person that is too shy for his own good. Sure at times, privately to myself I pride myself in being uncorruptable by such things as alcohol, gambling or partying. Most of the time, I feel a great amount of insecurity in my life, and my shyness is a result of this insecurity. What are my insecurities? The declining finances at home, the declining health of my mother, not having any close friends, the fact that I never had a job or a girlfriend before, and the general feeling of powerlessness I have from being unable to change any of this. It is hard to take pride in any skills I have at times, my insecurites greatly overshadow my every attempt to find something in myself to be proud of. I greatly want to feel comfortable with where I am in my life.

 

Sure, I know that I would take more than finding love to fix all my insecurities. Sure I could put a greater focus on my health, uni (after uni a career) and maybe some or all of my problems will magically go waay. Its hard to imagine myself as the successful career type of person. No one seems to have faith in me and as a result its hard to find faith in myself. Maybe with a career, I would be more open to finding true love, instead of getting myself stuck in unrequited love like I am with a girl I know. My shyness, my feeling of being insecure and unsure of myself, I am tired of telling myself, this is simply who I am. I am tired of always finding shame and embarrassment at my every failure. I am tired of living my entire life not even trying to enjoy myself out of fear of being judged or of humiliating myeslf. No matter how hard things seem to get at times, I tell myself that there are plenty of people out there with a more messed up life than what I have. I want to lose weight, not to like "pick up chicks" or impress a girl, but to feel more comfortable with who I am. I want to improve my grades at uni, so I could have professional pride in my abilities. No matter how depressed I at times, I tell myself, stay the course, the grass is greener on the other side. With this girl I like, should I say something to her, although it seems she is not interested? At times, I think why not? At other times I think to myself, I don't take very rejection well, I would feel very hurt and take it very personally.

[QTpie87]

True love is usually found in the least likely place when you aren't looking for it. at least thats what i have heard over the years.

[Day_Walker]

You will find true love when you come to the relization that it doesnt exist and it is merely a figment of your imagination. After that you can start looking for the type of females you are compatible and just take it from there.

[Beec]

When will you find true love? I have absolutely no idea if you ever will and if you do when. Many never do, in fact I think most settle for something less. However, if you are going to get even soemthing worth settling for, you'd have a much better chance if you deal with your insecurities.

 

Very few people are born with the skills to get over shyness and insecurities. Shyness for most of us comes from the fear that we won't be accepted and will be rejected. We all have some of it. But you are not powerless to change all of this.

 

Getting to where you can deal with it requires you to work on the skills that are used in doing this stuff. You, I and anyone else can work on these skills.

 

For a first step, I would work on just talking to the people you know, try reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie or any other number of books on the topics. Then I might work on reading body language.

 

When lousy things happen, some of them you cannot change, like maybe your mother's health condition. But some thing you can.

 

It won't change overnight. It takes time and you make small steps. But if you keep trying, it can happen. Then your finding true love becomes mroe likely to happen.

[annie24]

I would highly recommend a public speaking class. It will literally knock the shyness out of you. The first speech is the hardest, it gets easier after that. I promise you more self-confidence and less shyness! I swear - I've done it - it works!

 

I'm all for going to uni. You will learn a lot about yourself and other people - in addition, it's also quite helpful for getting a job later!

[fantasia2004]

If you love yourself and are secure with who you are then all is well. It will take time.

[Caldus]

There is no way to tell when you will find true love. It happens at different times for everyone. You need to stop crying over this and enjoy your life. There is so much more to live for than to find true love. Yes, love can be an important thing but let's say you do find true love. Now what? Is that it? There is so many other things in life to experience. To be honest I really don't know when I will find someone I feel very comfortable being with but at the same time I'm not too worried about it. I'd rather enjoy my life than cry over this kind of stuff all day. It's pointless and a waste of energy. Put that energy to good use. Start by getting rid of your shyness. Yes, it will take time but you can do it. Take a public speaking class like someone else said. Try to make some new friends. Anything to make you talk more in public.

 

After that, enrich your life! I'm not saying you don't have a life, but you really do need to get out there and try out some new things in life. Pick up a new interest, try a new sport, make a website, get deep into something you've always enjoyed, etc. Only then will you stop treating relationships like they are the most important things in the world because they are not. People around you are making it a big deal so you make it a big deal too. It really isn't that big of a deal. So get out there and enjoy life. Besides, you're only 20. There's still so much time for you it's not even funny. Good luck.

[berserk]

I understand how you feel this is exactly how i used to feel. But as life moved on things all of a sudden got better one day by luck or chance. (long story) lol. But i suggest you just give this book a chance its improved my life even more. Its called "The Power of Intention" by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. If you ever wanna talk to someone you can IM me on AIM or email me my s/n is Int3nti0n.