Closure

[Hollyj]

You were here yesterday, with the same question.

 

The guy blocked you. You said you needed closure, he said may make some time for it in the future. He doesn't sound like he wants closure, but doesn't want to look bad because he dumped you.

 

Please see his actions, and move on from this. It's over!

 

Read the message. He is concerned that you are still hanging on. he has no intention of returning to this relationship. He has moved on.

[Antago]

He used you; it happens. He is pretending he is fine, okay, living life—he didn't do anything wrong. How terribly sad that he used you, maybe sometime he'll make some time to be even more noble in his precious royal world to teach you that your peasantry will stay as it is to him.

[heartbroken84]

He did say he misses talking to me.

[Ms Darcy]

NO... I Don't see where he is saying HE needs the closure in this instance, just that he understands that you do because he sometimes needs it as well.

 

It worries him that you still need to talk to him because he wants you to be at the point where you've moved on and are not still hoping he'll reconcile with you.

 

He's too busy and stressed out with other things to be worried about soothing your need for closure at the moment and he doesn't want to open up HIS old wounds either.

 

I agree. He is saying he's worried about you not moving on. He's saying he's having a hard time and can't deal with YOU right now. He misses you but he's got a lot of other, higher priorities.

 

Of course he misses you. You were important in his life. You can miss someone you don't want to be with.

[Antago]

I don't know that he doesn't want to be with you per se … I don't prescribe to this "I need something different" mentality. If you were serious and he left for no good reason other than to try a different flavor, and he's out sleeping with someone different—I question his entire motives. He sounds like a sicko

[heartbroken84]

He's touched base with mutual friends and overly concerned with my health and well being. I am fine. So that's how the friends are involved. I have asked them not to give more info. His mother has asked to see me but I am not interested.

[Antago]

He's touched base with mutual friends and overly concerned with my health and well being. I am fine. So that's how the friends are involved. I have asked them not to give more info. His mother has asked to see me but I am not interested.

 

Maybe he's trying to make you look mentally ill and stuff to play the victim … Also the fake concern.

[heartbroken84]

I never thought of it that way. I'm just having a hard time accepting and letting go because it's unfortunate that I am not anything he wants to be involved with. He ended it months ago and no amount of time is going to change his mind. It's confusing how you can be the biggest and bestest thing and then nothing.

[Antago]

I never thought of it that way. I'm just having a hard time accepting and letting go because it's unfortunate that I am not anything he wants to be involved with. He ended it months ago and no amount of time is going to change his mind. It's confusing how you can be the biggest and bestest thing and then nothing.

 

There is a word for what happened: Fornication. You can create your own hell by giving your heart to someone who will break it … Getting to know someone long and hard, and knowing that they are a loving, loyal person who cherishes you and you can trust, then honoring your heart by marrying you is the path to heaven.

[ThatwasThen]

*sighs* and smh.

 

Op: You are having a hard time letting go of this because you haven't yet accepted that it's over. People date in order to find out if who they are attracted to visually is who they can stay with the rest of their life and it takes time to figure that out. Now, I don't know what transpired between the two of you during your "courtship" but whatever it was, with time and getting to know you, he's realized that you two are just not compatible enough to last the test of time. This conclusion happens often when one is dating and trying to find a LIFEmate so; Accept that it's over, start doing the mental work you need to do to get to the stage of indifference to him and then get yourself out there and continue your adventures in dating so that you can find a good man to spend the rest of your life with.

 

No more obsession over Mr. Not-The-Right-One... you're stagnating yourself from getting to that blissful stage of indifference to him.

[Antago]

I appreciate your advice to her, but I really think this sort of naivety is deeply paralyzing this society. It may have 100% nothing to do with him "discovering they were incompatible on his search for a life mate"; in fact, even if that's what he claims—it can just be a copout. The world is rife with narcissistic sleezeballs capitalizing on this idea; they suck up people's beauty, love, pleasure, grace, money, time, attention, hopes, dreams, words, truth, and style—under the guise of "dating" and "soulmate searching". It's time to grow-up; he used her—plain and simple. He didn't just make some sad little mistake hopscotching to grandma's to drop off a pie—he ravaged her effing soul.

[bulletproof]

 

It's time to grow-up; he used her—plain and simple. He didn't just make some sad little mistake hopscotching to grandma's to drop off a pie—he ravaged her effing soul.

 

And you know this how? People break up all the time. Doesn't necessarily mean anyone used the other. I think perhaps your own experiences (or perceptions of those experiences) are really coloring your advice here. It's a bit dramatic.

[Antago]

And you know this how? People break up all the time. Doesn't necessarily mean anyone used the other. I think perhaps your own experiences (or perceptions of those experiences) are really coloring your advice here. It's a bit dramatic.

 

And maybe your experience and social programming is coloring your advice here—which I consider to be obsessed with emotional deference in lieu of following the herd. You don't hop into a serious relationship with someone and sleep with them, then hop out; heartbreak has been pervasively dismissed and even glamorized, glorified, trivialized, and capitalized on these days—and I don't prescribe to its injustice. People commit suicide over this sort of thing all the time and take years to recover; what I don't hear about are people who have been punched in the face taking years to recover, pills to cope, or dilly-dallying over to gun shops to put an end to it all. What's truly dangerous is how the human-spirit has been forgotten, turned into story lines and twists for big blockbuster hits and anyone who endangers the market of objectification and inward destruction is labeled a cook, a drama-queen, a prude—or a bumbling fool. Unlike you, I have long contemplated the nature of things and conquered the decision to accept that this sort of emotional abuse is a tyranny, and a far worse crime than a slight physical assault which is almost unanimously accepted as uncivilized.

[kbbcoop77]

"I think perhaps your own experiences (or perceptions of those experiences) are really coloring your advice here"

 

Doesn't everybody's? That's why these boards are useful, you get advice from many experiences ..and you can do what you want with it. Someone else's "truth" could be entirely different than someone else's. No sense arguing over it..

[boltnrun]

People are not obligated to stay in a relationship forever if it isn't working for them. A lifetime of misery isn't good for either party.

 

It isn't healthy to try to hang on when it's obvious the relationship is over. The best thing for oneself is to work on moving on and do whatever it takes to allow that to happen.

[bulletproof]

"I think perhaps your own experiences (or perceptions of those experiences) are really coloring your advice here"

 

Doesn't everybody's? That's why these boards are useful, you get advice from many experiences ..and you can do what you want with it. Someone else's "truth" could be entirely different than someone else's. No sense arguing over it..

 

Everyone's experiences color their advice to some degree, but some are able to remove the emotional component and stick to whatever facts we're given. In this case, we don't know what this guy's story is, or why he ended things.

[bulletproof]

You don't hop into a serious relationship with someone and sleep with them, then hop out

 

We don't know that he did that. I would also say that if someone is contemplating suicide over a breakup, there are mental health problems present for that person that long preceded any breakup.