Cidmercury Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Back in June-August my fiancé was playing for a baseball team.. Started drinking doing steroids and completely effed our relationship because he started hanging out with one of the girls from the team. I do not have physical proof he cheated I did not catch him in the act but my neighbour told me one day they heard them having sex.. Anyways.. That's the short story. I left him and after a few months we decided to get back together, he cleaned up his act.. Yada yada (this is not what I'm asking about so please don't give me flack for the choice I made) Point of the story!! I creeped the girls Facebook and she just had a baby in march... Exactly 9 months after everything happened... I can't see anything on her Facebook about a boyfriend, no guy is tagged in any baby pics... She is also a "insert derogatory word" and at the time I was told she had a boyfriend but she was sleeping with another guy on the team, there was actually a Facebook page about her being a home wrecker so obviously this girl gets/got around so it could be anybody's baby!! Just wondering what to do... My fiancé and I are good.. I don't want to open a can of worms if I don't have to, I've moved on from what happened.. However being a stupid curious girl and creeping her page I am now bothered by this. Do I confront my fiancé? Do I dig deeper? Do I let it go? Also just to point out the two of them are NOT in contact... Eff my life Just need some advice on how to go about dealing with this if at all Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I would leave it alone. If the baby is your fiance's, or she thought it was, I'm sure that she would have been in touch. Link to comment
Cidmercury Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 The only thing that weirds me out is he's been talking about changing his phone number lately "just because", he also deactivated his Facebook account and we've moved since then I get what your saying tho.. I kinda figured if it was his or if she was looking to find out who's it's was and didn't know.. Then she'd be in touch some how.. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 At this point it appears as if your only option is to ask him directly. Since "he cleaned up his act" and you trusted him enough to get back together, you should be able to take him at his word. Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I see no point in dredging this back up if you two are on the road to recovery. I doubt your BF knows if he's the dad or not, unless he really did never have sex with her, so what's he gonna tell you? She actually doesn't know either unless he submits to a paternity test, which I can tell you she will ask for if she thinks he's the dad and wants support. He denied before and will deny now, I guarantee it. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I'm not sure how you guys are on the right road if he hasn't been honest about whether or not he cheated while you were together. Unfortunately, not much you can do here unless she or he comes forward. He's acting suspiciously though ... Link to comment
Lester Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 You think maybe he wants to change his contact information to avoid being caught? If so, it won't help. Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I'm not sure how you guys are on the right road if he hasn't been honest about whether or not he cheated while you were together And they aren't if she still doesn't trust him, which must be the case if she's creeping this woman's FB. You know, there is the possibility he didn't actually have sex with this woman. I'd take the neighbor hearing some noises with a grain of salt. Anyway, he's gonna deny if he didn't, and he's gonna deny if he did. People that deny, don't come clean until there's incontrovertible evidence to the contrary (and sometimes not even then). That's just the way it is. They only way he won't deny is if he already knows the kid is his. He may be an idiot and think he can hide from a court order, maybe, but that's not the only reason someone every deactivated their fb account and changed their phone number. I mean, clearly he's trying to avoid something, but we don't know it's this. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 The only thing that weirds me out is he's been talking about changing his phone number lately "just because", he also deactivated his Facebook account and we've moved since then I get what your saying tho.. I kinda figured if it was his or if she was looking to find out who's it's was and didn't know.. Then she'd be in touch some how.. I don't know who changes their number 'just because', like it is a fashion accessory. It's a pain in the butt, and I've only ever done when I wanted to seal someone out and blocking apps didn't work to my satisfaction. I think it is somewhat suspect, though it may not be for the reason you're wondering about specifically. Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 P.S. I guess this wasn't clear... did he ever actually admit he had sex with this girl? Link to comment
DancingFool Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 You really have only two options here - stick your head in the sand, marry this guy and hope that the baby is not his and this never catches up to the two of you OR talk to him and ask directly if this might be an issue for him that's coming up and see what his reaction is. A paternity determination is not something he can run away from and neither is child support if he is in fact the father. If he is, it will affect both of you for a very long time and if he isn't, it would be really nice to know so that you truly can have closure of the whole thing. I think the question you need to be asking is not whether you should address this but how. Link to comment
Cidmercury Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 You really have only two options here - stick your head in the sand, marry this guy and hope that the baby is not his and this never catches up to the two of you OR talk to him and ask directly if this might be an issue for him that's coming up and see what his reaction is. A paternity determination is not something he can run away from and neither is child support if he is in fact the father. If he is, it will affect both of you for a very long time and if he isn't, it would be really nice to know so that you truly can have closure of the whole thing. I think the question you need to be asking is not whether you should address this but how. That is what I'm asking.. How do I go about dealing with this.. If at all? Link to comment
sky09 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 That is what I'm asking.. How do I go about dealing with this.. If at all? If this bothers you enough, then ask. What point is it to hide these things in a grown-up relationship? If there is no trust, there is no intimate relationship. How many more things will he/you sweep under the rug as the years keep rolling? (that is, if you two last together) Link to comment
DancingFool Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 That is what I'm asking.. How do I go about dealing with this.. If at all? Have an open adult conversation. You can't ignore this. Just try to be as non-confrontational as you can manage. Put the emotions and aside and be basically business like. Here is what you noticed. Does he have any thoughts on how the two of you will handle this? I would emphasize partnership and avoid making it about you v. him. Link to comment
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