Being the Bigger person is not working

[MissingSparkle]

Almost 3 months ago my husband and I were staying at his sisters house while we were house hunting. My husbands younger brother (whose had a colorful past) begs and pleads to stay at his sisters house as well so he can make a better life for his family. My husbands sister, asked my husband and I, how we felt about them staying in the house while we were there because in the past I didn't get along with his brothers wife as we had a nasty argument. We felt we shouldn't hold grudges and let bygones be bygones because they do have two young daughters and at the end of the day it's about their daughters security. Two months in I thought we were making the best of the situation and everything in the household was fine, my husband and I go out of town for a weekend, when I come back I find that someone was in my room because things were shifted around, and a few things were missing. We were in the middle of packing so things were boxed up, when I mentioned it to my husband we thoroughly looked the room over and reboxed everything just to make sure I didn't misplace it. That same night sitting at the dinner table I seen her daughter wearing a hair clip I brought for my daughter. So I tapped my husband and he wanted to say something but I shook my head not to. So finally on the day we were leaving I told his sister and asked her not mention it but just wanted her to know so she can make adjustments if she felt she needed to. I didn't want to make a fuss because I felt it was just material items and it was a small price to pay to know what kind of people they are, and to keep that in perspective from here on out. A month since the incident I feel like I should of made more of a fuss and the situation keeps replaying over and over in my head and makes me feel very angry. On a small level it makes me feel Irritated because I obviously feel violated by her going in my things also because she thinks she got away with it. So I wish I would of brought it up in front of everyone. I definitely don't have peace with this situation because I feel like being the bigger person backfired on me.

[mhowe]

It was a hair clip. In the big scheme of things...immaterial.

 

Keeping peace in the family is worth 100 hair clips. You don't have to throw anyone under the bus nor embarrass them for their rude and intrusive behavior.

[Lady Amalthea]

It's kinda late to say anything now. You made a comment when it was appropriate to someone who might be affected by the problem in due time, now it's time to let it go.

 

Was it just the hairclip that went missing or were there other things? Making a fuss about a stolen hairclip now will seem a bit petty, I think.

[itsallgrand]

How has it back fired on you?

 

I actually agreed with everything you said in your reasoning of keeping quiet about it. You gave an inch and these people took the mile; you lost a few little material things, but you learned a lot about them and have that knowledge moving forward and can adjust accordingly.

 

I think you did the right thing. Has something else come up that has brought back the feelings like you are being taken advantage of by these people? I can understand why it would make you angry, but I think you handled it like a champ.

[MissingSparkle]

The other day I was using a replacement item from one of the things stolen. It was about $200 worth of items that went missing so I can't exactly replace everything at the moment. I didn't even notice the hair clip, which is trivial, went missing until I seen her daughter wearing it. Seeing her daughter wearing just solidified that she definitely went in the room. I'm a sentimental person so these items were things purchased while on vacation or given on a special holiday and even though they can be repurchased i just feel like it's not the same.

 

Maybe the fact that I'm reminded of the incident because I had to repurchase some items bothers me, but idk I just don't feel settled.

[Moontiger]

Give that several hundred dollars of stuff was stolen I think you did the right thing. I would just take this as a learn opportunity. The only thing I would have done differently is when the whole family was together, you should have said something like, "(Your husband name) and I noticed that some things in our room have been moved around. We were wondering if anyone went in there why we were gone?"

[rosephase]

Your husband's brother's daughter stole it? Or do you think your sister in law or brother in law went through your things?

[Mari]

What did you mean by this:

So finally on the day we were leaving I told his sister and asked her not mention it but just wanted her to know so she can make adjustments if she felt she needed to

 

Was it your sister in law's daughter or was it your brother in law's daughter? What kind of adjustments would she make?

[MissingSparkle]

What did you mean by this:

 

 

Was it your sister in law's daughter or was it your brother in law's daughter? What kind of adjustments would she make?

 

My brother in laws daughter was the one wearing the hair clip. So I think her mother, his wife went in our room and took my things. She's had a history among my husbands family with things going missing in the past.

 

We were in my sister in laws house for 2 months before they got there and nothing's ever went missing. so it's definitely my brother in laws wife.

 

I told my sister in law things went missing so she could lock up her valuables, which she then replies to me yeah that's why my husband locks the room. So I guess given the history they already expected something like this to happen. I didn't want her to mention it to them because they would just deny it which would irritate me and I wouldn't allow them to lie about it, because then I would confront them in front of everyone and then make a spectacle of it.