tratra Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Before my question, I will really briefly explain my back story. Might help you to understand why I am here looking for some emotional perspective. My household growing up was severely lacking any empathy, emotion, or love. Anger was the only way people showed outward expression, so once I got out into the real world my sense of emotional boundaries and my ability to relate to people was skewed. Luckily I was self-aware enough to get therapy, be open to my faults, and working on myself. So I wont call myself the healthiest emotional being, but I'm not a hopeless case. My first long term relationship ended in a divorce when I was in my early 20's. Cheated on me during and before the marriage. Swell lady. But then again I was going to school, AND working to pay for it, so I can plainly see that she was bored, missing attention, missing excitement so she went out to find it. I was more or less devastated but in retrospect, couldn't be happier. I just wish I had the courage to know I could be happy on my own sooner rather than letting things depreciate as they had. After the divorce I took a year to really relax, distance myself from working, have fun w/ friends and meet new people. Had a blast, and felt like it was a "life-reset". I felt confident bc I was the one being pursued rather than always chasing my partner for affection. My career was moving forward. Basically, everything was all around awesome. I ended up meeting a girl, someone I knew from my distant distant past, who apparently remembered me very fondly. I remembered her quite fondly as well, and when she eventually asked me to move in with her I agreed and it was good times. Now for the question: After a year and 9 months of us dating and living together we were having a bit of turmoil. Arguing, money problems, and we didn't like our small apartment here in boston blah blah. She is a real estate agent, and she takes clients out all the time. Not a problem for me. In fact once or twice she was kind of wishing I would be more jealous. I would laugh and say I wanna give you positive attention, not negative jealousy... but whatever. Anyway, she took on a new client, who was a single male the same age as her. She got him his new place, and he invited her out for drinks to say thanks. She very nearly never goes out with friends, it's a rare occurrence although she has many friends and is a very social. I would describe her as a lunch/brunch, one on one, type friend if that makes sense. She isn't a big drinker either, not at all. However she came back at around 9:30-10 which for her is outside the norm (not a problem for me, but simply put, just not her normal behavior). She was not completely drunk but she was slurring and intoxicated. She was saying "I feel guilty, I had fun with him..." which is a weird thing to say. Later on she told me that she kind of knew that he liked her and she described him as a fun nice guy. She continues to do business with him, and their relationship is more friends than professional. She told me nothing inappropriate happened, I love you, I want to marry you. But, still, I was bothered that she got tipsy with some guy alone. Just felt off to me. The next year we move to a better place bc I am making money, but she is having trouble at her job. She is irritable and seems to take it out on me. I sit her down and ask her, is there a problem? If we aren't going to make it, then lets not beat each other up until we cant take it anymore. "No, baby I love you etc etc" she says. However I notice her working out more, doing her hair up, make-up, the whole 9. And she aint doing it for me. Her mother takes her out shopping and she tries on one of those summery super tight cotton form fitting dresses. My gf claims it is too inappropriate, but her mother says your young just buy it and be your sexy self. (my gf shared this convo w/ me bc she showed me the dress and didn't know if she would keep it it was so form fitting and "sexy"). The next day she wears it to her office for an office meeting. Didn't seem appropriate to me, but I didnt make a big deal out of it. A day after that she wears it to her friends birthday party at some nightclub (She still rarely goes out) and some guy she chatted up at the club is texting her friend trying to get her number. After that she is planning my bday party, was going to take me to Europe but I was thinking of doing something a little more tropical, closer by. She got angry and said she wanted to book a flight to Europe by herself. I said awesome, thanks sounds like a fun birthday trip. Enjoy. Thats it... Just so you know, initially there wasn't a jealous bone in my body... She went to visit her friends in florida for a wedding, I was invited but I couldn't get off work. I was not jealous. She went to a bachelorette party a few months later, no problem there. Honestly not one feeling of anxiety. As a real estate agent she often will take people out to showings here in the city of Boston, again its all good, I dont give it a second thought. Guys or girls... whatever. But these things that happened over time just makes me think that something is off here. I am getting more and more annoyed, and I don't feel comfortable, but with my past history I dont want to punish her or distance her because of things people did to me in my past you know? Or should I come to terms with this stuff that I am carrying around with me? Just get over it? All I want is some clarity, because through therapy I've learned that sometimes it is hard for me to know what is and isn't appropriate, and I might get hang ups when there is nothing to be upset about... thanks so much in advance. And sorry for the length I appreciate anyone who makes it to the end of this. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 She is acting single...for whatever reason. Trust your gut. And I have never seen my real estate agent after I purchased a home. There is no need for further contact. Link to comment
Clinton Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Man, I need a new real estate agent. Mine has never wined and dined me, they just sold me a house. I want that extra service as well. Link to comment
tratra Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Btw guys, I should say that she makes an effort to carry on relationships with all her clients, mostly women, very few guys, plenty of couples. She tries to make friends w/ everyone. Therein lies the problem. Is she being friendly, or is she being available? And, she is in the rental market, which means she works with the same people for years, finding new places every year. I was just annoyed she continued to help this one guy. Link to comment
tratra Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 haha Clinton, do me a favour and don't ask me for her contact info ok? Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I have rented for many years & have never had this kind of service either. I think there is something definitely going on here. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Most real estate agents use calendars or fridge magnets... Link to comment
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