supposedly just a friend

[kaykaykay]

Hello,

 

Me and my boyfriend been together for 2 years now. last year around May he went to a certain even and met this woman. they have been in touch so much after that, to the point where i start to question their friendship. they will call each and talk for hours on the phone, of course not in my present i know this when i check his phone, i found out that the duration of their call lasts more than an hour in a day. i ask him about this and he said she just a friend and i have nothing to worry. but i told him i don't like this type of friendship. he promise he will stop if it makes me uncomfortable. They didn't stop. one day i saw a text from her "I love you" and his reply was "same here". i think he forgot to delete their conversation. whenever she calls him and i am present, he would try to cut the conversation short. she seems to know all that is happening in his life e.g if he was sick or meeting,went on trip or something, i would hear her ask about all these. I asked him about this again and he would just say, He has ask her to stop but she just keep calling him. She stays in a different town than us. AND when my boyfriend went to that town with work,he wouldn't answer any of my calls for one whole night, apparently he was out with his friend and got drunk. Recently, i went to my boyfriend's office and found a telephone log sheet and guess who is number has been dialed the most? "his supposedly friend". I have been ignoring this and thinking it perhaps nothing but now i am starting to worry.

 

What is your opinions?

[mhowe]

He is getting something from this --- a lot, I would suspect.

 

You shouldn't be worrying -- you should be leaving.

[Tanzi]

I have been ignoring this and thinking it perhaps nothing but now i am starting to worry.

 

What is your opinions?

 

It is definitely something and you are right to be worried. Your bf is being inappropriate. You simply don't tell another woman you them love them (or imply it as in this case) when you are in a relationship with someone else. It wouldn't be as bad if they had been close friends for years and this is something they had always said but this is someone he met whilst he was with you.

 

I highly doubt he has asked her to stop calling him because it doesn't sound as though he wants her too .... and if he did want it to stop he could quite easily stop it himself. He has already proved himself to be a liar as far as their contact is concerned so I wouldn't believe that either if I were you.

 

Thing is, even if she were a friend he wouldn't need to talk to her as much as he does. Does he talk to any of his other friends this much? The connection they have is more than "just friends" and the fact that you weren't able to get hold of him of him on the night he was visiting her town is very suspect

 

I know it's not easy just to say "neeeext" but in all honestly I think it's time to let this one go! You shouldn't ignore this.

[jennylove]

I just don't get why people do this. If you feel like you're in love with someone who isn't your current SO....why not be with that person? As in, break up with your SO and be with the person you love. Isn't that the most logical thing to do? I know I want to be with people I love.

[chickadeedee]

Honey he is flagrantly cheating and you are letting him get away with it by staying. You've already told him to cut her off, and he doesn't do it. He is just lying and you are accepting his lies. He is clearly seeing this women and they are not just friends.

 

You have the evidence in front of you, and you are taking his words as truth when they are clearly lies.

 

He basically has 2 GFs. If you want a faithful and monogamous guy, this man is not it. You need to break up with him and find someone who loves only you, and who does not cheat.

[ParisPaulette]

What the others said. He's cheating on you and doing it in plain sight. If you can't get yourself to leave him, instead believing his gaslighting of you, then hire someone to follow him and take some pics of them together. The hard cold evidence should be enough since his blatant behavior and what you've found don't seem to be. Leave the pics on the table with a scathing note and either your bags packed or his depending on whose house it is. He's double timing you and laughing out the side of his mouth the whole time.

 

I have plenty of male friends, have had a best friend who was male even, and I didn't do or talk to them the way your BF does and every dang day. Plus he's cutting it short with you when she calls ,because he knows he can't say what he'd normally say to her if you were present. Also I'm betting she doesn't know you even exist.

 

Come on this is just Cheater 101 "Hide in plain sight, claim their a friend" tactics.

[redswim30]

If she really was "just a friend", there would be no reason to hide it. He'd be able to talk to her in front of you. He wouldn't need to hide anything.

[SpottiOtti]

It sounds like he is having an emotional affair with her at the least. Whether it's more than that or not, I couldn't say. I'm all for people being friends with whomever they like, but for him to spend this much time talking to her is not something I'd accept in my relationship.

 

If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, set up some firm boundaries for him. Print him out some light reading about emotional affairs and about boundaries, and leave him that with a note that says, "Either you stop this or I'm gone for good. Your call." Then go stay somewhere else for a week and don't talk to him at all. It might sound drastic, but he's fallen into this pattern and it will require something drastic to put a stop to it.