mandeelove Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Its ok !! It helped me too by helping u !! Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 So today hasn't been too well. Every hour I'm reminded of him and I can't stop this isn't normal. Maybe I should see a therapist? It's going on week 7 now that he left and I'm still not doing well. I'm tempted to send him a one sentence closure text for myself. I know he won't reply but it'll help me but idk...I can't do it. Maybe I'm just better off single Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Don't!!! You'll hope he responds and if/when he doesn't you feel even worse. Link to comment
Sarah691607309662 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 sometimes, screwing it up even more helps. I have done those things. I KNOW that reaching out in those situations is wrong, but I have done it in my life. I am still alive. I am still myself. Did this reaching out helped? No! In all the cases it was pointless for fixing the situation. However it did reinforce the idea that he is not not for me. And that what I needed. Do not think about how you look for him or for society. Behave as you want. This is the key. Do what you want, but know when you do that, you are responsible for all outcome. If you send a message for him that you want, it might help you. But it will never fix the drama. Some therapists advice to write a closure email. As long as you want, just to say all the things you want to say. Send it and block him out. So you would have your voice. May be this might help you. However, do not entertain any idea of him coming back and you accepting it. It would lead to disaster. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 I have written a long closure letter to myself about him and at this point I think that's all I am going to do. I just don't go through break ups well, since I'm a very sensitive person and get attached so easily. But as much as it hurts to say, if he did ever come back, I'd just walk away. The damage he's done to me and put me through. I just can't come forth and ever forgive him. But writing what I did, did help reinforce that we may have had compatibility but no chemistry. It's just hard to accept the fact some people are out of our lives, some forever and others for quite some time. But it's probably for the best. Like they say, everything happens for a reason. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 Just wish there was a way to swipe someone away forever from your memory as if they never existed. Link to comment
mandeelove Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I think the best advice is go with your heart. If u feel u need to text or email him then do it. Theres no right or wrong. We have all done this once or twice in life . Whatever works for u is what u should do. It seems to get worse over time I agree with that. Then u feel dumb for still feeling this way. But u are not wrong for obsessing. or crying. This is your life and noone can tell u what to do . Once u get through this hurdle u are going to be stronger than ever. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 I think the best advice is go with your heart. If u feel u need to text or email him then do it. Theres no right or wrong. We have all done this once or twice in life . Whatever works for u is what u should do. It seems to get worse over time I agree with that. Then u feel dumb for still feeling this way. But u are not wrong for obsessing. or crying. This is your life and noone can tell u what to do . Once u get through this hurdle u are going to be stronger than ever. Thank u, that really means a lot. It is beat to go with my heart, since it did happen to me and no one can force me to do anything I don't want to do. It's difficult but pain takes time to heal. It's a process. But one thing I have learned, is the dumper is usually the one who walks away like nothing happened while the dumpee is left in the dust. But for now, I think I will just stick to my letter to myself. It helps to write it out and vent, as I have on here. I'm so glad I found this forum. It's seriously helped me so much as I'm sure it has for others Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 It's like with exes you wanna contact them and see how they're doing and what's going on in their life but for most times it's not ideal. Guess I'll have to learn to accept the fact of letting go and moving on knowing everyone has their own life Link to comment
mandeelove Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I wrote a text to my ex and an email since we broke up and he didnt answer! Made me feel worse but then again now I can say i have no regrets. As time moves on though the trigger to wanna contact them gets less and less. I do believe all exes come back as ive experiencced but theres always that one that is gone for good and we must accept it . Its weird too because when family or friends ask me why we broke up...i dont even have an answer. Its so nuts. So i make up stories Link to comment
mandeelove Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Another thing is i have no interest in dating. Noone holds my attention. I dont wanna go on dates and normally im all about dating . This guy truly messed me up. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 Mine messed me up. Like I go on sites and talk to a couple guys but I have no interest in dating. He totally ruined me because I want HIM but then I don't. Obviously I wasn't good enough to "satisfy" his sexual needs or whatever else, so whatever. Things and people in life come and go. But you didn't get a reply from writing to him and I know i won't. Or some stupid little reply. But then again if i don't do it I know I'll regret it. But he doesn't deserve even a closure text. Like we didn't date long at all, and it meant the world to me but nothing to him. It's just sad. I have a feeling he won't come back but it's for the best. But for both of us, they were a learning experience and now we know red flags and warning signs for future guys, if i can ever trust a guy after this.. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 Letting go and moving on is just so difficult especially when you were friends years before wuahhhh this sucks Link to comment
mandeelove Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I know what u mean. Like we want them even though they are clearly wrong for us especially for walking out. .dont be ashamed for missing him even if u only dated for a short time. Theres no time cap on feelings. It can be 2 months and mean more to u than a 2 year relationship. I am struggling worse with this 6 month relationship even more than another 4 year one i had previously. .. i see alot of threads on here and alot say that even if the exes come back, we cant take them back. We have to make them work for it. Plus the trust is gone. They left us once so quickly, they can do it again and the pain would be worse. U said u blocked your ex from social media right? Do u know if hes dating others again? I have no idea what mine is doing because he doesnt have social media to begin with. Kinda in the dark because we dont have the same friends either. My gut tells me my ex is dating. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 I cut him off completely. He wasn't messaging me. I just don't want to see his daily life updates. It wasn't and isn't helping me move on. "Unfollowing" him on facebook did nothing, since you can just follow them again. Blocking them defriends them as well which to me helps because you'd have to request them again.... But yeah, you're right. Even the shorter times in relationships can mean more than longer ones. And I don't know if he's dating anyone right now, because like you I'm basically in the dark. He's just like he never appeared in my life, like yours. But it's for the best. But the fact he's already on online dating sites says something. That he has to always have attention or girlfriends, which I know he always has had in the past. I mean I'm on them but for me, it's not just for attention. I want companionship but some guys just want one thing and if they don't get it, they're gone. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 I wouldn't take him back nor apologize. He hurt me so bad I was even tempted to self harm the first few days after. I couldn't handle it. And still, to today it is day 47 NC and it still bothers me. But not as bad but still there. But like u said, we have lost trust and that's why right now I'm scared to date. I know there are decent guys out there but still. Ugh why do they have to do this to us. It's just not fair. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 @mandeelove plus I kno he deleted me off his phone and such which I did as well with him. But it's still painful and idk if he blocked me but if he did it's for the best. People come and go in life and life goes on no matter how painful it is Link to comment
mandeelove Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Just know that u didnt do anything wrong so dont beat yourself up over it. or self harm. Your ex prob has many issues. Its his fault not yours. .....Yeah same here. I tried a dating site but then I keep thinking of the ex so it isnt time yet. Think Im gonna stay away from dating for a little. Ohhhh so u saw him on dating sites ? He is gonna regret his actions so bad. To jump on a site quick is showing he needs anyone to pass time. I checked for my ex on a site but didnt see him. Then again theres so many sites. .. once u feel better, focus on u....go shopping buy new stuff ...stay positive. Def look your best. Never make these guys bring u down. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Ahh thank u. I just randomly had a breakdown again and I almost texted him but I didn't. I know i won't get a reply or I'll just be blocked, if not already. And I know it's not my fault but its hard to not blame myself. But if he's on sites already he does have issues. I'm trying to focus on me as in shopping and talking to my close friends and most of the times it is working but the ex just creeps his way into my mind. I'm just glad I have this forum to come here and speak my mind. U guys don't judge and we all are support for one another when it comes to relationships Link to comment
mandeelove Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Im sorry u had a breakdown tonight . ;( It totally sucks. i find the weekends are tough reminded of things we used to do with these exes. ...I am also happy to be speaking to u and others about similar issues. This forum is great and makes u see that ur not the only one going through it. Its very supportive. Thank u so much ☺ Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 I was fine and bam it hit me. Weekends hit me hard but also other days during the week we had off but they're just memories now. But at least now I'm going more than 1 night without crying! Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 And yeah we are all in this together Link to comment
chickadeedee Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 >>I know some have explained why guys say, including him, they'll never leave and things like that, then just leave. It makes no sense to me logically. I think what is important here is that you need to do some self work of your own. This is a guy you only dated 3 weeks... you hardly know this guy at all and you took him way, way too seriously and leaped in with both feet as if he was your permanent partner and owed you a lifetime together, when it had only been a few weeks. People will start dating all kinds of people, but you honestly can't take any of it seriously until you've dated someone long enough to determine whether it has what it takes to go the distance. People can make promises and use words as manipulative tools to get what they want. And it is guaranteed that no matter what he said or promised, only being with him a few weeks means that you did not even have a relationship yet, just a guy trying to woo you into bed quickly, and you took it as if he was your BF or future husband when you hadn't even got out of the gate. So when you think this way after only dating a couple weeks, it means you are a person with high fantasy factor, who is filling in the blanks with a whole lot of fantasy because you want a permanent relationship and security, when frankly you have no clue whether this guy is the best guy on the planet or an evil troll of a person because you don't know him well enough to judge. So when you're dating, you need to keep your wits about you and not romanticize someone you've hardly been with and let yourself get so deep into infatuation and fantasy over him. So I would suggest a little counseling for you to put you into perspective and to help you figure out how in future to be more self protective and less willing to take something so seriously that hasn't even gotten out of the gate yet. You will be very vulnerable to getting hurt if you assume so much in such a short time with someone, or listen to a bunch of romantic nonsense from a guy who is so new he shouldn't be promising anything at all because you both have no clue whether you're a good match for each other or not. You can have a strong attraction and some exciting feelings for a new person, BUT it takes far far more than that to make a relationship work and succeed in the long term. So you can't let your emotions be like a runaway horse when you first meet someone, and need to work on dialing back the fantasy and expectations when you first meet someone and keep your wits about you so things like this don't happen. You might want to get a little short term counseling to process this and learn some tools to not let the fantasy factor take over when dating and lead to situations like this. You need a clear head when dating, and to really have low expectations in terms of permanency until you've dated someone quite a while. You'll get less hurt if you align your expectations with the situation rather than assuming some guy owes you permanency or a whole lot when you've only been on a few dates with him. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 My cousin posts on Facebook that she's "engaged" to every guy she dates after two weeks of dating. Then, when she gets to know them better (say, after 3 weeks lol), she becomes angry and yells "you're not who I thought you were, you jerk!" and dumps them, then does the exact same thing with the next guy. Over the course of a year she'd been "engaged" to 5 or 6 different guys! She has learned absolutely nothing from her approach, just continues to do it again and again. She's a pretty woman so she attracts men easily, but then runs them off with her "say we're engaged or I'm breaking up!!" routine. So of course, she's miserably unhappy and can't fathom why! I think you (OP) have ruminated over this guy longer than you dated him! That just doesn't make much sense. Maybe when you have someone else in the pipeline you'll forget about him. Or maybe you don't have much exciting going on in your life currently and that's why you're stuck on this situation. Try something new, take a class, start kickboxing, go on a road trip with friends. Get yourself out of the rut of constantly obsessing over this 3 week "relationship". You'll feel better, I promise. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 I don't have much going on in my life at all right now which leads to me feeling not too well. I've had a lot of changes in less than a year and when this happened it's just all been a downfall. I do plan to get myself out there and try to meet new people. Even counseling as some of you have mentioned. I know 3 weeks is nothing and it's laughable to know he's moved on weeks and weeks ago and I'm still here upset over it. But I guess that's what happens when you're inexperienced like me. I've had experiences but not to the extent where I felt the relationship was going to last. He was even talking about us not wanting kids within like a few days in of dating? I feel so stupid. It was all a red flag. Now I've learned lessons at least from this jerk. But you all have put up with me ranting on here for a while and I thank you all. It really helps and means a lot. I know once and if i find someone else, that'll help me move on. But first just getting myself out there will help too. I just don't like accepting reality and facing the fact some people are out of my life forever. But sometimes it happens for the best Link to comment
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