prettycutie Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 So I've been struggling mentally and emotionally for the past few weeks now over a breakup, but at this point idk if it was even that. To start off with, my so-called now ex "boyfriend" who has known me for years decided to randomly message me a few weeks ago and ask me to be his girlfriend after 2 or more years of NO contact. Mind you he never talked to me unless he was single. He also always had /has to have a girlfriend. Anyways, we dated for a while not a long time but enough for me to get very attached to him. Plus we have known each other for years so that made me get even more attached. And while we were dating he gave me all this sweet talk and all and of course I fell for it. I was so happy I was clueless and...obviously oblivious. But apparently I wasn't his "perfect girl" because one night he just left. I didn't give him what he wanted and he left. No text, no call nothing. Nothing to tell me we were even over. Now I feel like it's my fault and I'm the one to blame. It's been about 6 weeks since he left and still not a word. It's been so hard on me because he made it seem like we would last for a long time. Anyways, to try and help myself move on, I have blocked and unfriended him on Facebook. I feel seeing his daily posts won't help. Some days I feel fine but then I'm reminded of him somehow and the times we had during and before dating and I breakdown. We used to do things as friends that people dating do. But I can't handle how he basically used me for something I wasn't ready for. Making us seem so perfect when he didn't or doesn't care about me. I feel he wanted this; for me to feel it's my fault and to cry and feel pain. I feel we both failed on communication and I keep waiting for him to apologize even though I know it's pointless. I'm trying to move on but it's just hard since I've been lied to and led on. I hope every day he will contact me even though I know he won't. I am a person who likes closure. It makes me wonder why he didn't at least text me he didn't want us together anymore. It's almost as if I wasn't even worth that to him. It's a stab in the back with it being from someone I knew and someone who I didn't think would pull this crap. I want to text him "I'm sorry" but I know it's no use. I don't know how to move on. Everyday it still bothers me. He made no effort to try and keep us together. He claimed he liked me for a few years and waited until we were both done with college to date. Yet it turns into him cutting me off completely and me feeling miserable. So yeah, I'm not quite sure how to forget about him or how to move on. I guess it all adds up to some people aren't who we thought they were. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 To start off with, my so-called now ex "boyfriend" who has known me for years decided to randomly message me a few weeks ago and ask me to be his girlfriend after 2 or more years of NO contact. Isn't that what 12 year olds do ... randomly ask girls to be their gf or bf? Mind you he never talked to me unless he was single. He also always had /has to have a girlfriend. Which is why he has contacted you after 2 years with this bazaar request. Goodness me, he didn't even contact you asking if you wanted to meet up to see what developed naturally! Evidently this was never about feelings. It was his about his desperate need NOT be single. Urrgh, how unattractive. Anyways, we dated for a while not a long time but enough for me to get very attached to him. Plus we have known each other for years so that made me get even more attached. And while we were dating he gave me all this sweet talk and all and of course I fell for it. I was so happy I was clueless and...obviously oblivious. Oh ok, so you went for it. I would have run for the hills! But apparently I wasn't his "perfect girl" because one night he just left. I didn't give him what he wanted and he left. No text, no call nothing. Nothing to tell me we were even over. Now I feel like it's my fault and I'm the one to blame. It's been about 6 weeks since he left and still not a word. It's been so hard on me because he made it seem like we would last for a long time. I'm sorry but given what you have said so far ... the random message asking to be his gf, two years of NC beforehand, always has to have a gf ... it isn't really a surprise it turned out this way. His connection with you, or any girl, isn't about the girl .. it is for whatever benefit they are to him at the time. Anyways, to try and help myself move on, I have blocked and unfriended him on Facebook. I feel seeing his daily posts won't help. Some days I feel fine but then I'm reminded of him somehow and the times we had during and before dating and I breakdown. We used to do things as friends that people dating do. But I can't handle how he basically used me for something I wasn't ready for. Making us seem so perfect when he didn't or doesn't care about me. I feel he wanted this; for me to feel it's my fault and to cry and feel pain. I feel we both failed on communication and I keep waiting for him to apologize even though I know it's pointless. I'm trying to move on but it's just hard since I've been lied to and led on. I hope every day he will contact me even though I know he won't. Honey, this isn't your fault. This is HIM. TOTALLY ..... aaaaaaaall .... HIM. This is what he does. I know it's tough and I know you want answers but I think you are going to have to work towards accepting that you won't get those answers. If you think he wanted you to think it's your fault and to feel pain, then don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you think or feel that way. You have done well in blocking him and not reaching out to him. That will actually show how how strong you are. Be proud of yourself. You are strong. He is about as weak as a man can get. Oops, did I say "man" ... I meant "boy". I am a person who likes closure. It makes me wonder why he didn't at least text me he didn't want us together anymore. It's almost as if I wasn't even worth that to him. It's a stab in the back with it being from someone I knew and someone who I didn't think would pull this crap. I want to text him "I'm sorry" but I know it's no use. This guy is a coward and a user. I hate to say this but he never contacted you for YOU. He contacted you because he needed a gf. That is by no means a slur on you. It is a fault within him. He lacks compassion, empathy, sympathy, remorse ... just about anything that makes most of us the good people that we are. He cares about himself so much that he is unable to care about others. You will forget in time. You just need to be patient. You also need to accept that because of the person he really is, you aren't going to get the answers or the closure you feel you need from him. Besides, closure comes from within. It really does ..... I wanted and needed answers when my ex-husband walked out on me and, boy, did I throw thousands of questions his way. I just got all the old lines back... "it's not you, it's me" ... "I still love you, just not IN love with you" ... and many more. Eventually I came to the realisation that there wasn't really anything he could say that was going to give me any form of closure. When he did give me answers that should have satisfied me they just created more questions. I some point I accepted that there was no miracle answer that would give me closure. Oddly enough what was when I found closure. You find closure in acceptance .... when you have fully accepted what IS. That doesn't mean you are ready for it to stop hurting though. Accept that this guy is not a good guy. Accept that you aren't going to get any answers from him but above all else accept that he has the morals of a sewer rat and that you are worthy of much, much more! Lucky for you, he is no longer your problem. I pity the next girl he has randomly asked to be his gf! Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Just one other thing, should he not find that other girls are as forthcoming at being his gf at his request and he comes back asking you.... I hope you know where to tell him to stick his offer! And if he doesn't want to stick it there ... tell him to try Gum Tree! Link to comment
chickadeedee Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 OK, you should have been suspicious when he calls you out of the blue after two years and ask you to be his GF when he's not even had one date with you. I think this is a guy who has learned that many women will not leap into bed with him unless he says those magic words. You said he is someone you knew who always had a GF. So his GF probably dumped him and he was hitting a dry spell, so he needed a quick replacement so he knew you liked him and just hit you up. Then he either met someone new, or his ex who dumped him agreed to take him back. So you know his pattern. And he probably doesn't like to spend one nanosecond without a GF for whatever reason, so he gave you a spin in the GF bucket for a while, but then either met someone else he wanted to chase, or else his ex called him up again. And from his perspective, how is going to tell you, 'oops, i didn't really want you as my permanent GF but I had a dry spell and you were easy to drum up, so i did. And now i want someone else as my GF.' He can't really say that without showing what a cad he is, so he says nothing and just bolts. Keep in mind that people like this will frequently circle back around again the next time they have another dry spell. She he may pop up again in another couple years and try to recycle you for another turn in the bucket if you'll let him. Don't. he's not worth it. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 Thank you SOOOOO much you guys. I know I fell for his stupid trap. And it's not that I was desperate. I just really liked him and wanted to give him a chance. I knew of his past history (as in having girl after girl) but not to this extent. You guys have made me feel so much better. I CANNOT THANK YOU ALL ENOUGH. You all speak the truth. It's hard to move on but it's what is best. You all honestly helped me already through getting over this . Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 It's hard to accept it's not my fault but you're right. He's nothing but am immature BOY who can't grow up. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 Also let me mention I have very little experience in relationships so he took advantage of me and then took off when I wouldn't get intimate with him. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Also let me mention I have very little experience in relationships so he took advantage of me and then took off when I wouldn't get intimate with him. With that obviously being his only interest, I would look at it as you dodged a bullet. As long as you take this lesson with you in the future, you'll do fine, and still land of your feet. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Also let me mention I have very little experience in relationships so he took advantage of me and then took off when I wouldn't get intimate with him. Urgh!! As HeartGoesOn said, you dodged a bullet. I know it doesn't feel like it at the momen but this guy has done you a favour. Really he has. Link to comment
chickadeedee Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 >>then took off when I wouldn't get intimate with him. Oh yeah, definitely better off gone! He didn't really want a permanent GF (and hence wasn't willing to take his time). He just wanted a fast hook up! Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 I know it'll get better in time, it's just difficult because I didn't expect this from this guy. But like Blue68 said, he has done me a favor. I know someday soon I will realize that. It's just hard to let go and accept the fact he's out of my life. But it's for the best.. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 I know it might seem immature to post this thread about him but to me it's affecting me bad and still is, even though it's been a few weeks. Plus it helps to explain and get advice from ones who know what I'm going through. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I know it might seem immature to post this thread about him but to me it's affecting me bad and still is, even though it's been a few weeks. Plus it helps to explain and get advice from ones who know what I'm going through. It isn't immature at all. That is what ENA is for. You believed in him but he wasn't who you thought he was. Vent here all you need. Link to comment
mandeelove Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 This literally sounds like my situation. My ex cut me off....no reason after saying he loved me. Blocked me and the whole 9. I didnt get my closure . From a therapy standpoint for me, i wrote a long letter to my ex pouring my soul but i did not send it. Its more to release what u have inside. Then put the letter away or burn it. Closure for me never came with a convo and it looks like ur in my boat too. Find a way to forgive him on your own. Come to peace with the situation. Its only been 6 weeks. This will take time. Im on 2 1/2 months no contact. It gets harder before easier. Dont hate him because that will eat u up. Closure has got to come within u....not from him. BEcause clearly hes running like a coward. He should be ashamed to ever bump into u. U hold ur head up high. Youll be ok......a man who leaves u flat isnt worth it. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 Ahh it sounds like we are in the same boat. It just hurts because the guy lives so close. Also telling a girl you like her so much and she's so pretty and all that and then turn around and leave after one stupid thing is just...idk. I really liked him and fell so hard and he does this. He also still talks to our mutual friends so that doesn't help much. I know it's been about a month and a half now but it still is affecting me. Sometimes I just cry so bad and so much even though I know it won't do any good. I feel so alone and deceived now. I went from being so happy to this. I try online dating but that doesn't go anywhere. No one I know would want to date me except him but we now know what his REAL goal was with me. Funny thing is, he's one of those who never contacts me unless he's single. It's just hard to forgive him when I'm still an emotional mess and he doesn't give 2 s about me. I don't understand how a guy can say how he will "never leave you" and stuff then do this? Is intimacy that important to guys they'll just dump the girl? Idk if he has another girl or if he's gone back with his ex but it's difficult for me. I deleted him off Facebook and stuff a while ago since I figured we weren't friends anymore. (Way before he contacted me) I wish he just stayed out of my life after I deleted him a few months ago. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 I also wonder if there were other reasons but he just used that as an excuse to "end it." I mean he's not even mature enough to at least text me anything. I want to hear from him again but I don't. I'm a very sensitive person so this is something that's never happened to me so I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I know many people have more heart break than this but still. To me it's not the length of the relationship, it's what you do and how they treat you during it. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 I've been wanting to tell him off through text but there's no use. Getting no reply won't help. Maybe I'll just write a letter and burn it like mandeelove mentioned. But...when it's someone you've known for years who you thought wouldn't do this or be like this, it just hurts. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 I'm sorry for ranting but it's just nice to talk about it to ones who understand Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 I just don't like being sweet talked into something that I wasn't ready for. He didn't even give a chance for me to say anything else. Like I hope someday karma gets him back. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 I guess he's the type of guy girls date when they're very experienced unlike me but its a lesson learned and life does go on even if letting go is painful Link to comment
chickadeedee Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 >>I don't understand how a guy can say how he will "never leave you" and stuff then do this? Because he wasn't sincere. Think about it logically... you were only together a couple weeks when he says that, right? How can he possibly know that what you have is so strong that he'll never leave you? You have to be very careful believing that kind of thing when you've barely started dating. If someone said that to me after only a couple weeks, i'd laugh at him rather than believe him, and be very suspicious that that he was either a ridiculously impulsive person who lived on fantasy rather than reality, or he was trying to con me to get me to sleep with him sooner than i was ready to do by making it look like he was totally committed to me. No one can be that committed in only a couple weeks... you just don't know each other well enough to know. You might be very excited about each other, but it takes time to really know someone and know what you've got and whether it will last. Link to comment
Sarah691607309662 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Hi! Writing a letter and burning it is a VERY good thing to do. You are right - there is no point in contacting him because he seem to be a person without a heart - your words would never be registered. This type of men are highly narcissistic and they are notorious for using people. All this Prince Charming mask was to manipulate you into being with him. As you said he did not have breaks in his r/s - he had women one after another. It is because those personalities can not be alone. He is with someone now as well. They can not stay long in r/s because they get bored. It is like eating the same food every day for all meals. He gets bored and he needs a change. This type never assumes responsibility for r/s - hence you are left in a fog thinking that it is somehow your fault. The very fact that you think this way points out that r/s you had with him was toxic. If that would be normal r/s you would feel worried that he disappeared, angry, concerned, furious....but not guilty. Those types are masters of their game and they make their victim to feel guilty so they could escape responsibility. The pain that is left is huge. It hurts extremely when we are left like that. It is like you have been robbed. And you were. He robed you off your reality and love. You gave him love thinking that he is One when in reality he was a Con Artist stealing your feelings. Now looking back you even do not have this option as to say sadly "well, I love him anyway and wish him the best". You can not. Because now you realize that you have never known this guy! You loved the illusion he created but not whom he was. The best method to heal is to educate yourself on narcissistic partner. Read about it and you will feel validated. You will recognize this guys in many others and that will provide some comfort. At least you will stop your inner doubts. You seem to be strong and I have no doubt you will get to your feet sooner rather than later. Just be aware. He might contact you again. DO NOT FALL FOR THE SAME TRICK. If you do, I guarantee you - you will end up in the same spot but it will be more cruel, more painful and it will require longer recovery. This is why I highly advise to educate yourself on narcissistic personality and what to expect from them. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 You are right, he was just using his words and impulsive logic to try and get me to sleep with him. It's just pathetic. Especially considering I've known him for years. That's why this is painful for me. I'm slowly getting over him but still. I should've known by the sweet talk and always having a gf that he is bad news. But I just got too excited when he asked me out and didn't even think of how he was basically manipulating me. I do know he was with his past gf's for a couple years at a time which would tell me he lured them into his mythical trap quite soon. But with me he failed and couldn't take being rejected. So I'm cutting him off and blocking him out of my life completely. It hurts, but it's for the best. I hope karma gets people like him back someday. I really do. Guys like him are no good and I feel sorry for any girl who falls for them. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 ^^in reply to chickadee fee Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 And for Sarah69, I feel he may contact me again but it'll be years or so. But I don't want him to. He is narcissistic and his behavior clearly showed and shows it. I'll read up on that more. I want to send him a closure text but I can't even do that. He's hurt me so much it's hard for me to forgive myself. I thought I knew him but I didn't. I thought he'd wait and be more caring than this. I'm sure he well i know he doesn't give a crap about me and wants me to feel pain and the blame and guilt. Boy he's done a great job of that 6 weeks later. It was an unhealthy, toxic relationship and in the long run I'm glad I'm out of it. People tell me if I had slept with him he'd still be with me. Yes that's true. But that's not who I am. I'm not going to change myself for some guy who clearly bases relationships off sex. I just wish being hurt wasn't so painful Link to comment
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