Heavy remorse and regret

[Natsufirefox]

An ex(of 5 months) and I broke up in early december and now she has a new boyfriend that shes been seeing for about 2 months. She claims she loves him and is in love and couldnt be happier and what not. Granted were in highschool so its not even close to real its just a mixture of like and lust(Im 17 and shes 18). Seeing this just floods my heart with emotions of regret and remorse. I feel like I pushed her away but at the same time I feel like I held my ground and kept my princinples. I wasnt fond of her texting other men and hanging out with said men. I wasnt fond of her wearing more revealing outfits...things like that. I miss her but I feel like I partially only miss her because she has someone else. Her personality is such that she cant handle the slightest bit of stress at all. The slightest confrontation breaks her down. She might have changed...I know i have. What do I do? Thanks guys.

 

P.S. I see them everyday at school. Her and her new love that is. I keep my cool but then at night and times of absolute solitude it hits me like a brick

[pippy longstocking]

You don't do anything darling except move on with your own life .

 

One word of advice from an old woman .. I understand you dont want her texting other men and then hanging out with them .. if you are in a relationship and these men are not platonic friends then that's fair enough ..but please try and change your mind set about "not been happy with her wearing revealing clothes" don't try and ever dictate , especially at your ages , what someone else should wear ... if you don't like a women in revealing clothes then don't make then a choice for your dating life

[Tanzi]

OP, I met my first real love when I was 17. We were together for four years so I would never question whether love can be real at a young age.

 

Anyway, whilst I'm with you on the texting other guys front (though, of course, it depends whether they were friends and in what context she was the texting them) you really do not have the right to influence her choice of clothes, especially at 18. At 17 neither should you WANT to. Save that for being a father! That says far more about you than it does her. This is the time when she will want to express herself and dress up like her friends and, yes, clothes do define the person we are ... even if it is just a moment in time. She is young, she wants to dress up to feel good about herself (and why shouldn't she) and she wants to be like everyone else ... not going out in polo necked jumpers, long skirts and flats when everyone around her are in heals and short dresses! You can stand your ground all you want but she has a right to stand hers too. Besides, I don't really see these as "pinciples". I see it as a level of control .... even if you are only 17.

 

Her new love is probably far more accepting of who she is. I think you need to have to accept that you weren't compatible. Though, to be honest, if you take these views on to the next relationship, you may well end up in the same position.

[Tanzi]

She might have changed...I know i have. What do I do? Thanks guys.

 

I would just like to add that she probably doesn't feel the need to make any changes. If she is still texting other guys than she simply isn't ready for a committed, long-term relationship and that won't change until she has emotionally matured somewhat.

 

And have you changed? Are you willing to accept that girls both need to and are entitled to dress however they choose, whether they are in a relationship or not ... because that is something you really need to work on.

 

Anyway in answer to your question ... you do a big fat nothing. She has a bf and she has told you she is very happy with him.

[pippy longstocking]

this is it isn't it bluey ..we can see how the future will unfold with the clothes scenario and it never ends well .

[Mischa234]

That is what you should expect to feel when you date and break up. Pain from the break up plus a sense of loss, then regretting your decision, then accepting your decision, then realising that you made the right decision and finally not caring anymore. And that process can take you anywhere from a few days to a couple of years, depending on the length of your relationship.

 

That sort of pain is an unfortunate but inevitable part of dating around. So, take the good with the bad, and remind yourself you are at the start of a long road.

Edit: A long road of life and relationships, not a long road of pain. The pain should pass soon.

 

In future consider not dating a girl from school (or work), unless perhaps you've been friends for a while first and think it will last. It might be better to look at wider social networks because relationships and break ups can be more difficult when you have to see the person every day.

[overthemoon86]

You will feel a variety of emotions after a breakup - sadness, guilt, remorse, sorrow, anger, bitterness, a sense of loss, ect. All of these emotions are acceptable and normal, just let them be. The most important thing to do is to accept the relationship is over which is apparent now that she is seeing someone else. Let that go, there is nothing you can do. You are young, so meet new people and be open to new experiences. This too shall pass.

 

Another observation is you need to be careful about wanting to control someone. Dictating who they can talk to and what they can wear is not a healthy relationship. You cannot change someone into who you want them to be. Be mindful of that.