I Don’t Know How to Handle This Situation...

[Iio]

So I found another guy online and things wound up screwy. When I initially met him, he said that he was looking for friends. I was fine with this and let him know. Then he kept telling me how cute I was and that he wanted to text me and see me. I was fine with this too.

 

Then he texts me, calls me beautiful and gorgeous and asks me what I would do if he tried to kiss me. He also asks if we could cuddle during the first time we meet each other. He also said that he had issues with a girl

 

Fast forward to us meeting, he kisses me, holds me, and strokes me and asks me if I want to be his girlfriend. I don’t answer. He makes it seem like he wants to be exclusive with me. And gets upset upon learning that I’m dating other guys. He wants to be my first everything, and gets upset because he says that there was another woman who he was engaged to who left him for another guy because she wanted to date around. He also said that he just wanted to be near me.

 

I see him the next day, he’s quiet and he drops a bomb on me telling me that he can’t be with me because he’s engaged. We then go off to talk and he holds me and strokes me, asking if I want him. I was a little stunned at this point so I kept my distance. He kept hinting that he wanted sex, but I withheld. He told me that I was the only happiness in his life because he was miserable with his health and his fiancé. Then he tries to set me up with his single friend, and makes it seem like he wants to remain friends with me. He also doesn't want me to see other guys besides his friend.

 

The unfortunate thing is I have developed feelings for this guy... and I am really hurt

 

What should I do?

[SpottiOtti]

I think it's pretty clear that this guy was only after sex from the beginning. Everything he did/said was just window dressing, him trying to seal the deal. What should you do - you should immediately cut contact with him. He's trying to pimp you out to his friend for God's sake.

[ParisPaulette]

Jeez, you even have to ask? Dump him on his head and walk away. He's looking to add you to the harem and you won't even have the status of fiancee/just side piece that he owns and uses at his own whims. First red flag was when he talked about another girl to you and then started laying on the flattery so thick you could drown in it. And that's the only thing this guy has done for you, flattered the crap out of you and blown smoke up your butt. Yes, all he wants is sex. Yes, he's using you. Yes, he's hoping a bit of flattery is all it will take for you to have sex with him and accept the position of second place in his harem.

 

And you don't have feelings for him, you barely know him. You're just vulnerable to the flattery, so you tell yourself there's something there. But unless you're cool with being used for sex then this one is so obvious that even pretending it might be something else is just ridiculous. His fiancee isn't holding a gun to his head. This is the 21st Century and he chooses to stay with her. It's not like she's got his family tied up in a basement somewhere or his kingdom will have to go to war with her people if he says he can't marry her, so the whole boo-hoo me, I'm so miserable with my terrible fiancee routine is just a steaming pile of shaving cream.

 

And if you step in it you know exactly what you'll be getting. Honestly, I don't know how you aren't furious that you got hoodwinked by someone so stupid. He couldn't even keep up the ruse long enough to hide the fact he has a fiancee and is blatantly looking for sex.

 

The way you handle it is you tell him to blank off, block and delete him. And then go work on your own self-esteem, so you're not so vulnerable to blatant, in your face, manipulations.

[Willywagtail]

Run like the wind, head for the hills, get away from him any way you can.

 

Why do you even ask 'what should I do?' The guy's a sleazy, lying worm.

[missmarple]

What you should do is never talk to him again...especially if you're developing feelings for him.

[greta96]

You know that in the context of online dating, "friends" is code for NSA sex, right? Nobody goes on dating sites to find platonic friends!

So he told you from the start what he was after. Everything else is a lie, I can promise you that his life is just fine (health-wise and fiancée-wise) and that he was just looking for a bit of side action. The sweet words were meant to mess with your head, in hopes you were naïve enough to drop your panties for him.

 

Once you see him for who and what he is, a cheating jerk, your feelings will subside.

As you've been advised, cut all contact with the creep, and whatever you do, do not get involved with his friend either.

Plenty of guys out there, you just have to be wise and weed out the ones who only say they are single but are not.

[Batya33]

You knew exactly what you were getting into from the beginning -a stranger who started talking about sexual intimacy right off the bat. The engaged part is almost besides the point. Now you know for next time to stay away from strangers who talk about sex in that way unless you just want a sexual hook up. You don't know him enough to have feelings for the real person - if he is who he says he is he is committed to someone else and therefore is not available to date.

[mhowe]

Why would you let a stranger stroke you???

[weathergirl]

Oh good lord....^^^^^THIS!!!! Right down to PP's ever so eloquent comment "..the only thing this guy has done for you is flattered the crap out of you and blown smoke up you butt"!!!

 

No truer words were ever.spoken...