How do I deal with where I am in life?

[love1985]

I feel like a late bloomer. Period. 29 going on 30 this year. All my friends are married or engaged, with a child or several or one on the way. While I'm here yes in a career I hate, living on my own with no one to share it with and a virgin because I can find the one I'm suppose to be with and share that with.

 

I know that there are people much worse off but how do I stop being jealous and bitter and get my hope back that my time will come. I've ran out of prayers for this.

 

Any real and true advice would be appreciated.

[Gymgirlxx]

You posted about this exact thing yesterday and got responses.... What are you looking for?

[annie24]

My advice would be to try to get into a situation where you are happier. Maybe that means changing jobs, getting (another) degree, whatever to try to find something you will like to do better.

 

Try to make new friends by participating in hobbies/meetups. Hopefully, you can also meet someone special that way.

 

Don't compare yourself to your friends - just because they are married and have kids doesn't mean that their lives are perfect. I'm sure that many wish they could trade places with you. The grass is always greener.... as they say.

[Willywagtail]

The way you deal with how you are in life is to change it. I'm sorry, but it's that simple, and it's that hard.

 

This means getting out of your comfort zone and making changes. Only you can do it.

 

Hate you career? Look at other options, retrain if you need to.

No friends? Thinks about your interest and get involved with something - hobbies, the gym, a walking group, a book group (whatever)

Still a virgin? Let your friends know that you are available and want to be in a relationship, go on a dating site, never refuse a reasonable social invitation

 

You don't have to do ALL these things at once, so start small, with something you can manage.

 

The only person that can change your life and feelings is you. If it's too hard to start, then speak to a counselor so you can understand where the blocks are.

[love1985]

You posted about this exact thing yesterday and got responses.... What are you looking for?

I did because this is a forum to gather different opinions. There are different topic areas to utilize. Isn't that what a forum is for?

The way you deal with how you are in life is to change it. I'm sorry, but it's that simple, and it's that hard.

 

This means getting out of your comfort zone and making changes. Only you can do it.

 

Hate you career? Look at other options, retrain if you need to.

No friends? Thinks about your interest and get involved with something - hobbies, the gym, a walking group, a book group (whatever)

Still a virgin? Let your friends know that you are available and want to be in a relationship, go on a dating site, never refuse a reasonable social invitation

 

You don't have to do ALL these things at once, so start small, with something you can manage.

 

The only person that can change your life and feelings is you. If it's too hard to start, then speak to a counselor so you can understand where the blocks are.

Thanks for the advice. I guess there are road blocks that I need to really deal with.

[jennylove]

And now let's take a look at the things you do have. A degree, a job, your own place, friends.

[Lana0120]

Hi Love1985,

 

My sense is that you know what is making you feel unhappy and you know that something needs to change but you don't quite know how to go about it. Furthermore, you're surrounded by people around you with the things you would love to have in your life, like a partner and children. A few people here have suggested addressing the job situation and this is a very good idea, because it is something you probably feel you have some power over. At the moment, it seems like you don't feel in control over the romantic side of your life, but work is something you can change. If you are working in a job that you love, you will be the embodiment of love itself and more men will be drawn to you.

 

It doesn't really matter if every single person on the planet was worse off than you. When you're feeling unhappy and the state of your life, the knowledge that other people are worse off doesn't really address the way that you feel. While you feel discontented, miserable and sad about the state of your love life (no matter how outwardly you may try and seem cheerful to others), it will be harder to find the relationship you want. Spend most of your day in a happy work situation, you will feel more happy and your love life will improve.

 

Another point that springs to mind is the comparison. Your friends might be getting married and having babies, but in five years' time, some of them may be getting divorced. Don't compare yourself to other people in your life, as everyone is unique and this is only contributing to your misery. Try and keep an eye out for all of the people around your age who are in a similar boat to you - haven't met someone they want to share their life with those who did find someone, but it didn't work out.

 

All the best,

 

Lana

[love1985]

Hello Lana0120,

 

First and foremost thank you for your honest and sincere response. You hit the nail on the target. I think my fear is that I am going to hurt someone in the process of me getting the happiness that I think I can deserve.

 

My passion is makeup so I'm going to start back refocusing in that area. helping to make women feel beautiful is something I love to do. Just have to start small. I appreciate you helping me see that it's normal to feel stuck regardless of everyone else's situation.

 

All and all I think your answer was exactly what I needed and helped me to see a better way to think of where I am and how to move out of it.