compwhiz345 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Hey everyone, Call me traditional, but I have seriously tried to wrapping my head around the idea of writing girls I'm interested traditional letters. Nowadays, people are asking others out via text messages, email, and even through friends, alongside phone calls and actually talking to the person. I'm just curious if writing letters is a thing of the past or does it only make sense when your already involved in a relationship? Does it come off as insecure and creepy? What do you all think about this? Link to comment
LKDag Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 If you're in a relationship already, I think it could be a nice little reminder to your partner (assuming you write nice things), but other than getting an "Aww!" moment, don't really see the utility of letters in a normal relationship. But that's just me. Link to comment
compwhiz345 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 I'm talking about writing women that are single though. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 You would have to ask the woman you want to write to. It sounds like something that's cute in a relationship, but archaic and overly-complicated if you're not though. Also, to write letters, you have to have an address. Some people don't like giving that out willy-nilly. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 I'm thinking most women don't want to give out their addresses to guys they don't know well. I think if you want to be "old fashioned" - call her. Or maybe ask her out in person. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Hey everyone, Call me traditional, but I have seriously tried to wrapping my head around the idea of writing girls I'm interested traditional letters. Nowadays, people are asking others out via text messages, email, and even through friends, alongside phone calls and actually talking to the person. I'm just curious if writing letters is a thing of the past or does it only make sense when your already involved in a relationship? Does it come off as insecure and creepy? What do you all think about this? Well, there has never, to my knowledge, been a tradition of a man writing letters to a woman he wants to date. People wrote letters to their family, their friends, and people they were in established relationships with. In "olden days" a polite man would never dream of writing to an unattached woman who was not his family member. Traditionally, when a man wants to communicate with a woman he is interested in dating, he will do it to her face i.e- talking. In more modern times, it has become more removed- via telephone, text, or FB. Link to comment
Tinydance Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Well I'm extremely old-fashioned myself so I would really like that. I'm so sick of technology overkill and I have many snail mail pen pals because I love this stuff. That's just me though...I think try it out and if a woman doesn't like it then maybe she's not as open-minded and romantic as what you are and you are better off to find someone else more like you. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Thank you, Tinydance! OP, count me in with the letter-writers. All two of us in the world. Haha. I have had pen pals (all girls -- most that I never even met) when I was in my mid-teens (so 30 years ago), and I loved the feeling of telling stories and sending them off; then waiting for the reply, sitting in a lounge chair by the big window and reading the equally-thick tome sent to me. We would write tomes! I would forget the time. That way of getting to know and elaborating on life in a way that often doesn't happen in everyday speech continues to be a favorite activity. It is very sad to me that I've found technology has just about destroyed this potential. And made people like you and me look somehow eccentric or even untrustworthy! People think it's a red flag if you want to write more than a few short lines before taking it offline (true story to come). It takes time to dedicate to writing a letter, and to read one. In this day and age, with everything being instant, people have lost the motivation and interest to labor over a letter (they once were an art form -- the "epistolary arts"!) Everything written now, or nearly so, in terms of communication, is used for such utilitarian purposes, that the same mentality is applied to building anything romantic. Writing for the sake of slowly building rapport and intimacy I find is almost impossible. I'm not sure how you plan on writing a letter, but the way I do it is now through electronic media. So it's not like I'm physically sending letters and receiving them anymore, and there's no need to give someone a physical snail mail address (though I would find that very charming, if someone wanted to). I appreciate the speed of delivery via electronic media, but I take my time with the actual letters. The hard part is really finding a partner in crime, and the way I'm going about it is that I'm on a couple of dating sites where in my write-up, I explain that I want to get to know someone through some writing first. I live in a very bad dating pool (for ME), so it makes sense I'm asking people far away to write to me, and I mention that reason. I know this is a hard sell -- most people want to use email as a quick segue into real-life meeting, and so I'm a true outlier. I got on to explain (so there's a method to the madness) that letter-writing is a dying art, and I don't intend to let it go without a fight -- that I love to luxuriate in this (though of course I do eventually want to meet in person). You can explain that you find it gives you both more backdrop to bring to the real live interaction (which I find is true time and again -- I seriously HATE the whole pre-fabricated, formulaic agenda of, "Hi, you look nice, want to meet up?" "Sure, let's go on a date" and then you're sitting accross the table from a random stranger you KNOW NOTHING ABOUT, NO BACKDROP, and you're trying to make all this small talk and chit-chat into something that could "turn into something more." UGH, it makes me want to gag. So inorganic.) So put it out there that you are a little old-fashioned and enjoy sharing this way, to have more sense of the person before meeting. It's like hanging out, virtually, as I see it. I warn you though, some might be okay with the idea at first, or humor you a bit and then tire of it because it's just not what most people are used to. I just had an incident proving how hard it is -- I had a very good connection with someone quite far away for about a week, someone who was as thrilled to write to me and I was to write to him, but then he started to express a lot of concern that over the internet, I might not be who I say I am, and that he didn't want to start emotionally investing in someone he couldn't get a real, in-person vibe from (even though I provided pictures, and verification from unbiased sources, etc. It was almost like he was paranoid.) He really wanted to move it to Skype sessions very quickly, to have an "in person" sense, and when I told him I was not yet set up on Skype, he told me that not having access to technology was a bogus explanation, that I seemed to be stalling on moving it along, and he "dumped" me, lol. It made me want to go live in a cave for a while just to rebel, ha. I guess he didn't really dig my telling him that Elizabeth Barret Browning and Robert Browning, the famous poet duo, wrote letters to eachother for 4 years before meeting, and by the time they did meet, they were in love and it just caught fire from there! There have been many love bonds in history where courtship started with letters. It's such a pity this is so hard to find now, but if you put it out there and say you're looking for someone who is also into it (and provide them with pictures so they know what you look like), it's possible. I know it is. I just haven't found one who likes doing it who isn't also in the end a waste of "paper." Hahaha. I would try the electronic route though, it's easier to establish -- and then be as traditional as you want with messages on the website of your choice (like PM's here), or email. We're out here! The right girl won't think it's creepy. P.S. See what I mean? My posts are mini letters. Link to comment
compwhiz345 Posted January 2, 2015 Author Share Posted January 2, 2015 Well I'm extremely old-fashioned myself so I would really like that. I'm so sick of technology overkill and I have many snail mail pen pals because I love this stuff. That's just me though...I think try it out and if a woman doesn't like it then maybe she's not as open-minded and romantic as what you are and you are better off to find someone else more like you. I agree, I think a lot of people are tired with the way people communicate these days. People simply aren't creative anymore, and I think if I was to send a letter to someone I like, maybe they might think it's admirable or different. Creepy is not what I'm trying for here, I'm just simply trying to bring back the old days of communicate, while implementing in with trying to woo a girl I'm interested in. FYI, the girl I'm thinking of writing, I have dated before, but she's single again. Link to comment
compwhiz345 Posted January 2, 2015 Author Share Posted January 2, 2015 I agree that TinyDancer has some great points, but you did too. People are so caught up in social media and texting, even the new form of a certain 10 second picture app (not to be named), that people (especially women I think) find men lost when it comes to being creative and truthful. Dating websites always ask me to write a summary about myself, and it's pain-staking to write to say the least, because men and women generally are attracted to your picture. However, I'm thinking some women might still like the old-fashioned "write a girl "crush" letter", and see if she replies back. I know it's a bit like middle/high school times, but I think it could work again. The girl I know is sweet, and is kind of huge Disney fanatic. As for F@cebook messages, that website has become one of the single most crippling pieces of technology to block normal interact between anyone, and who needs to do a background check when you have websites like Google or F@cebook to check the person out before you meet them. So sending a message to her on Facebook seems to insecure and typical than taking the time to actually write out a well thought letter to her to show you took time to think of her and what you like about her. Basic answer: Should I do this or no? Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 I think you should go for it! It sounds like you know how to deliver the letter to her? I would suggest that in the letter though, you don't focus too much on what you like about her -- you can drop a few modest compliments, but definitely tie it in to how you feel about things in general, and how you tick. A letter would only feel creepy if you make it fawning or overly her-focused. Tell her what you like about her but use that as material to get into a story or two, and use a conversational tone, not one that's wooden, stiff and formal. Like, throw in a few things you'd SAY -- like "Y'know?" It's okay to be modern that way. It makes for fun reading. I'm in total agreement about the whole social media thing...although I saw a presentation recently about how many things you can do to network and get an idea or funds you need via these venues...and it did make a dazzling point. I'm pretty sure that ANY media can be used any way you choose, IF you're good at making the right choices. I just...for the life of me, can't bear the idea of messages that are no more than 20 characters, and the one you're talking about. Everything's about smaller, and shorter, and more nano. It's like some feeding frenzy of impatience. It actually makes people unable to stand waiting for anything, I've noticed. People just have started to freak out at a piece of machinery taking more than the time it takes to snap your fingers to execute a command. And then that same uppityness translates into waiting in line for a table at the restaurant. It's pretty scary how it's trained us. Good luck on your letter -- if she's sweet and you used to date her, you have an even better chance, I think. Let us know how it goes! Link to comment
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