Men, is this just "purely physical sex" to him?

[HisPresence]

I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of one year. He had lots of sexual experience in the past. We both are in our late twenties.

 

He the first guy I sleep wtih so I do get shy, and little tense during sex. First time was painful for me, but now it getting better. I'm still shy with him in bed, I don't know why.

 

He knows I was a virgin. So all he did is just the tradditional sex, with him always on the top. I'm sexually inexperience, so he is the one with full control in bed.

 

During sex he look/stare at my face, touches my face, kisses my lips and neck alot. And when he see my face show pain, he go slower and more gentle.

Him looking make me sooo embarrassed, as he is seeing facial expression when he getting it on. Lights is dim, but I guess I am still shy, so I'm trying to hide my facial emotions.

 

How to know when it more than just physical sex to him? Or is he having sex with me just for the shake of getting it off?

Sorry, he the only guy I sleep with. So I don't know if other guys are like him whom like to look/stare at their girl while getting it on?

 

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I ask this because my BF, he had quite lots of one night stand in the past; where he told me that it was just 'PURELY physical' to him, he leave right after sex, and he didn't even bother to send those girls a 'thank you' text. I thought that was cruel/cold of him.

 

So I don't know if he serious with me, or I'm just another girl in his 'purely physical sex' list. My mind right now is like wondering about his actions in bed.

I really don't want to be just a girl for him to get it off when ever he have the needs. Hope I make sense

[growfrompain]

I think you answered your own question. The fact that he coldly had one night stands with other women and he sleeps and stays with you is a good sign you're cared about more than sex. However, it does sound like your analyzing your love making more than enjoying it. Let loose and enjoy!! Communicate what you want or don't like as well.

[HisPresence]

The fact that he coldly had one night stands with other women and he sleeps and stays with you is a good sign you're cared about more than sex.

 

Thank you for your advice, Happy New Year to you and your family.

 

What get me really shaky is the way he treats his past '1 night stand'

He said he leave right after sex. He say those girls are girls fully aware that he and them are just 'one night stand', he say he doesn't feel anything for those girls.

There was NO emotional connection to those girls. It was all Purely physical sex --- according to his own words.

 

And he did say he leave right away after sex, he doesn't linger around to talk to them.

He doesn't keep in touch with those girls, and he doesn't even text those girl afterward. It was just Sex.

He also said he always wore Condom in his 1 night stand, because he doesn't want to pay for Child support.

 

I'm sorry, maybe I am tradditional , but what he did to his '1 night stand' give me the impression that he is COLD and cruel.

Don't you think he come accross as cold, and not an attachment kindda guy? Something to be worried about?

 

I'm hoping I didn't give my virginity to the wrong guy. Maybe he might just dissapeared on me one day like he did to those girls in his '1 night stand'.

Maybe he stares at my facial expression is not because of love, but because he knows I was a virgin so he didn't want to hurt me? Maybe out of pity/sympathy?

[Fog of Love]

1 night stand = emotionless physical sex for just one night. What he did with them is the very definition of what a one night stand is. They happen often and are initiated by either sex all the time. Having sex for the sake of the sensations of it. Chances are the girls he had them with were looking for the exact same thing he was. Does that make them cold and cruel too? The act of having sex can be lots of fun, for both guys and gals. If both parties were looking for the same thing, then there's nothing wrong with it and everyone was happy.

 

You two have been together for a year. Obviously a very different situation than a one night stand. He feels very differently about you than a girl he had a one night stand with. You are inexperienced and therefore seeing things in a different light. Once you have been having sex for while, you will understand that there is a difference between love and sex. Sex without love is fun, but sex with someone you love is the best. He's not with you just to have sex. He's with you because he wants to be with YOU.

 

The eyes are the windows to the soul. He looks into your eyes and face because that's how he sees how you feel and shares how he feels. I would be worried if he tried not to look into your eyes. You are self conscious because this is new to you, but the touching of your face, the looking into your eyes, the kissing of your lips is the difference between screwing and making love.

 

Stop trying to hide your emotions. Look back into his eyes. Feel his touch. Enjoy the sensation of his lips against yours. And stop analyzing the whole thing like it's a procedure. Lose yourself for a while and enjoy it.

[Jennifer89]

If the sex was purely physical he wouldn't date you. Do you still go out, talk, watch movies etc? That is more then sex. Sex in itself IS physical. He should be enjoying himself and getting off from it. If you don't feel close to him in a nonphysical way, it is because you are hindering yourself by thinking about your face and so forth. Believe me, both man a women make some intensely weird faces while having sex, no one is going to judge you for it. After all of my casual hookups I can tell you, no one ever discusses the face the other person makes in bed: that is intimate between the people having sex. Be confident in yourself and relax so that you enjoy the feeling of being with someone physically, stop thinking about what he is thinking so much.

[Batya33]

I think it was very foolish of him to share with you how he treated the women he had casual sex with. Do your best to put that out of your mind and all that matters is if you trust him. If you don't trust him don't date him (or have sex with him).

[HisPresence]

Thank you Fog of Love, Jennifer89, Batya33, growfrompain for all your replies.

 

But there other women tell me that they have men date them for long time, and after they gave in to sleep with the man; after few times of sex, their man just dissapeared!

Other women tell me that men regard women as "prize", and once they get the woman, it game over. And they move on to next one, to add into their conquest list.

Other women also tell me that even if a man kissed you, have sex with you, or introduced to you his to his friends/family; it still not sure signs because some men are good players, and know how to lure you to bed.

Men can 'say' things you want to hear, purposely 'do' things you like to get you to bed with them. Aren't these things they say are accurate?

 

And Yes I am inexperience in bed, so I always let him do the lead. He knows I was a virgin to, so he said all he going to do is him being on top possition,

and because of him on top, he keep looking at my face, and I feel embarrassed!! perhaps I should blindfold him?

With such a basic tradditional sex possition, he can't be that rough right? I guess I am too Tense up? I need to relax more?

 

And I don't make vocally loud in bed neither. If what he doing is uncomfortable or cause pain, I still suck it up trying to maek him happy.

Eventhough I'm don't make vocally to let him know the pain, but somehow he can see it from my facial expresssion though, so he would go slower and very gentle.

And he touch my face and kisses alot while getting it on, isn't it kindda weird? Other women tell me that men would close their eyes, and enjoy the 'moment' you know, but my BF keep looking at me.

 

After sex he asked me how I feel, and I was so shy to talk to him, so I said I just want to sleep. He didn't leave, he stay the whole night, and sleep in my little twin size bed,

Poor guy, i'm sure i was boring during sex, and him sleeping in a small size bed sure is not comfortable neither. In the morning, I still can't find myself talk to him about last night.

 

And even till now, I still can't find myself talk to him, or open up fully to him in bed. something psychological is holding me back, maybe I am not ready for intimate relationship?

Or maybe the way he coldly treat his 1 night stand is causing me physochological trauma? because to be frank, I do think he cruel to those girls. If he can treat those girls like that, one day he will treat me like that too. it just a matter of 'when',

so many questions/thoughts running through my head, and I can't even find myself to discuss sex with him directly. And this is my BF, the guy I give my virgin to, smh

[HisPresence]

yeah batya33, he knows I was a virgin, yet he very honest about how he coldly treats those past '1 night stand' girls. Saying this to a virgin will just scare the s-hi-t out of her.

 

Well his friends said it too, when they younger they live together, and he would bring girls home just for sex, and he asked those girl to leave afterward.

Or even when he have sex somewhere else, he would still come home to sleep. I think he purposely do that because he doens't want to get in to emotionals feelings with those girls,

and he specific said he use condom everytime because he doesn't want to pay for child support nor want to be responsible for any children, smh

 

i don't know why i'm so naive to give my 'first time' to him, with those things he said is not a good way to sweet talk a virgin into bed with him.

He Sure is smart to use a condom on 1 night stand, but why he have to be be brutally frank to my face about how he treats those 1 night stand girls, smh

[Fog of Love]

You seem convinced that he just wanted to have sex with you and and is doing whatever it takes to get you into bed. Well from what you said, you've already had sex with him at least a few times, so why is he still there? By your logic, shouldn't he have moved on to his next conquest by now?

 

The deed is done. You've already given him your virginity. If he is a jerk and just using you, he won, you lost. It's too late to change that. You fell in the pool so you might as well swim. So just in case he is using you, you should get even and use HIM for sex! Forget him being on top and controlling it. Next time you get on top and control the action. Then you win. It's in the rules. Trust me.

 

And if it turns out that you are being paranoid and he does actually like you for you, you get to experience some else new as you two continue to develop your relationship.

[Mfic99]

Men do not get emotional in bed without care or love. The fact he caresses you alone tells me that. He didn't jam you, he takes care to try and make it pleasureable. I think your over analyzing. My wife was 27 and a virgin when we had sex on our wedding night. I've been through this. Find out what you like, and express it to him. Believe me, you'll be much happier

[Fudgie]

Men who use women for sex don't date them for a year prior to sex. That's way, way, way too long. Guys who do that may go out with a woman for a little bit (few times, few weeks or less) and then once they get the woman into bed once or a few times, they are satisfied and move on. He hasn't done that. Clearly he does have feelings for you, or he wouldn't date you.

 

I think you have some serious insecurities regarding sex and your relationship, whether unfounded or not.