romantic sweetheart Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 A couple of weeks ago I met someone online. We wrote for about a week. He seemed very deep, creative and thoughtful, and he was delighted with my passion for writing. He wanted to meet me, so we met last Thursday. The date was very nice. There was an instant chemistry and closeness of thought. He was so handsome and soft-spoken. He asked to see me the next day and the next. He talked of the wonderful things that might happen since we now knew each other. He told me he could make me happy...he said I was beautiful and passionate. He talked of all these things we would do in the future.... It was a whirlwind of ideas and feelings and experiences...we both loved the same kind of gothic music, we were attracted to the intensity of life and love and passion..... But after the third date together, which was very sweet and fun (movie, icecream, he held me all night......) he didn't call me. Two days later he sent me an email saying, "It's obvious that I can't give you want you want unless what you want is a really great orgasm. All my relationships have been about sex, and that is what I am good at giving. I'm not trying to be crude, just giving you the facts, ma'am. The women I have been with have enjoyed 7, 8, or 9 orgasms each night. I believe that the physical comes first, then the mental and emotional. You want the other way around. So let's just be friends." After holding me, kissing me, saying we had a connection, allaying my fears that we were too different by urging me to take a chance on him, to see what he could do for my life.....???? I was so shocked and hurt....I couldn't believe this was the same person of the other night. He said we weren't "physically compatible." I don't know why I am taking this so hard...it's just that it is so rare for me to encounter someone who is deep and creative and mysterious and passionate...who reads, has a dark side....who makes me feel alive...... I feel so broken, so defeated. I don't know if there is a cosmic "kick me" sign on me...I always feel like the second I feel drawn to someone, there is a force that assures I will end up feeling destroyed. I am a very sensitive person, very passionate and earnest....I don't know what is wrong...I just feel so devestated. I know I shouldn't take this so hard, but it's so painful........... I don't know if there will ever be a man who will give me tenderness and passion...all at once...who will never hurt me...... Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I say the same thing for girls. But as for this guy, he seems to be quite disturbing and very misleading. he doesn't take into consideration how other might feel about him. He is deceiving and then spills the truth. I think that is a load of junk, and even worse that he only wants sex. That is a shame, forget about him, one day he will pay for his misdeeds. You will find better, keep in mind that not all men are mindless. Whatever you do, do not assume it was your fault, it was all about that messed up blockbrain. I am sorry this happened to you. Link to comment
GettingOverIt Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 The short answer is YES, there are men out there who will give you what you want and treat you with love and tenderness and passion... Honestly, it sounds like he pushed your buttons and then when you wanted to wait for the intimate side of things, he dumped you. Then again, sometimes we do things that we don't even understand.... The thing to know is that your love is out there, and right now, he may be just waiting for the right moment. Don't give up and do not settle for anything less than what you want and what you deserve. Think of all the wonderful things that happened in that short period of time, and know in your heart and soul that there are others out there who truly do want to know you, love you, hold you for the rest of their lives.... I know it's hard right now, but learn from this and know in your heart that more, deeper love awaits you... Link to comment
wlfpack81 Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Sorry for what happened and that guy was a jerk. I would recommend not going through online sites since IMO that method of dating, finding people doesn't work. Think it's better to try and meet people in person and go that route than the online thing were people can hide how they really are better than they could if they were meeting you for the 1st time in person. Link to comment
justagirl20f Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I feel for you, I really do. This is the "dark side" of dating. But unfortunately I think what you have here is a glorified, perhaps beefed-up and elaborate email saying "really all I want is sex, and since you're obviously not easy, I'm not ready for everything it takes to deserve a girl like you" Try not to focus on the negatives, and be relieved that he revealed this side of himself BEFORE you wound up in his bed. And for the record, it's unlikely his women have "7, 8, or even 9 really great orgasms per night" and it's obvious what he wants is an email from you saying how grateful you'd be for the chance to be his next heartbroken victim if it means you'll have such great orgasms. It's been my experience, at least, that the loudest talkers are the ones who have the least of which to speak. Take care, girl. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Two days later he sent me an email saying, "It's obvious that I can't give you want you want unless what you want is a really great orgasm. All my relationships have been about sex, and that is what I am good at giving. I'm not trying to be crude, just giving you the facts, ma'am. The women I have been with have enjoyed 7, 8, or 9 orgasms each night. I believe that the physical comes first, then the mental and emotional. You want the other way around. So let's just be friends." That was so insensitive. He sounds like a creep. Just be thankful that he decided to show you his true colors after a few dates-at least you did not waste too much of your valuable time on him. Not to mention, I always think that men that have to brag like that are insecure. If he had true skills in bed, he would not need to talk such a big game. For one, he probably does not know how to please a woman if he says, "the physcial comes first"......for many many women, the mental/emotional comes first- and for many women and orgasm results from an intense emotional connection- not just physcial activity. Some women can't even reach orgasm without that emotional piece. So I can't picture this guys getting women off 7,8,and 9 times if that's this approach to women! Just be glad you never slept with him- it probably would have been a big waste of your time. You deserve so much better. There is nothing wrong with YOU here- this guy is a JERK....the problem is in HIM. If you can, think of it as the process of elimintation......You'll probably meet a lot of frogs before you find your prince....every bad experience could actually be bringing you one step closer to finding the RIGHT one.... Good luck to you! Don't let this loser bring you down, BellaDonna Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 This is just anothe part of life you just have to live. People do some stuff that is messed up but thats just how it works. You caned help it and you cant control it so all you can do is keep moving Link to comment
ShySoul Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Don't feel bad about it. This guy is clearly not the one for you and shouldn't be worth a second thought. You deserve someone who will appreciate the person who are deep down. I can tell that you are a smart, sensitive, passionate soul who is looking for a real connection, a real relationship. This guy isn't the person he claimed to be. He seems to be the type of guy who will romance you and say everything you want to hear just to get you interested. Sadly, there are guys like that, too many in fact. But he is the one missing out. If all his relationships are based on sex, sooner or later he is going to realize that he is missing out on something much greater. One day he'll look back and regret losing the chance at something wonderful. You are smarter than this guy and deserve better. There are truly good guys out there who will treat you right. Finding that right person is hard and it is frustrating when you can't seem to find him. It's even more frustrating when you think you had only to realize it wasn't right. But its the waiting and longing that will make so special when you finally do meet the person you've been waiting for. Don't let one jerk get you down. Believe in yourself and have faith that the guy of your dreams is out there somewhere. Love will find you, its only a matter of time. Link to comment
romantic sweetheart Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 Thank you for all your kind, ,insightful responses. You are right--he is indeed a jerk, and surely disturbed. Yes..women DO need emotional intimacy to feel physical passion to its fullest. One more note here....he wrote that he hadn't been in a relationship for 12 years (He is now 33). He said he will probably go several more years without the "sensual pleasures" of a woman, but that I "whetted his appetite." He told me that women are too distracting, and that if he was to be with anyone, she would need to "be a help, not a distraction." The unfortunate thing is, his online profile spoke of finding his soulmate, having a speical someone in his life to show him romance....etc. etc.....He quoted my words, said I could remind him of what it was to live and love.....BLAH! Why didn't he just put "Looking for woman who likes 7-9 orgasms every night"? Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 One more note here....he wrote that he hadn't been in a relationship for 12 years (He is now 33). He said he will probably go several more years without the "sensual pleasures" of a woman, but that I "whetted his appetite." He told me that women are too distracting, and that if he was to be with anyone, she would need to "be a help, not a distraction." Yup.... just in case there was even the slightest doubt in anyone's mind that this guy is a LOSER...... now we can be sure... He also seems more and more like someone who would barely manage to give a woman 1 orgasm...... I think his best bet is to do womankind a favor and stay away from them.....if he did not speak that would help too because from what you've told us he comes out with.... he really has some asisine ideologies...... His "soulmate" is probably best found in a jar of vaseline..... It's too bad you had to meet him. You are worthy of so much more. All the best to you and I hope you find your prince, BellaDonna Link to comment
cooldude1234 Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Look on the bright side: be glad that you didn't waste time with him or worse: sleep with him. Now that you know what he was after, consider him scum and move on. You don't need that guy. Link to comment
ShuShu Fontana Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I don't know why I am taking this so hard...it's just that it is so rare for me to encounter someone who is deep and creative and mysterious and passionate...who reads, has a dark side....who makes me feel alive...... It sounds like it was all aline to get you into bed. People sound amazing online and rarely live up to that in the real life. You get wrapped up in the fantasy. You only talked to him for what, a week? You'll meet someone in real life who is all the things you want him to be. Link to comment
romantic sweetheart Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 I love the line about vaseline. Thank you for the laughter. And thanks all for your continued support. I like how tough you are on this guy...no excuses for him, the bloody fool. I re-read all your responses and feel so grateful that life is full of people who understand, and who know what it means to love....... Link to comment
Mun Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I think he's impotent and since he said he had not been in a relationship in 12 years..well now you know why. You will find the guy you want with all the qualities you want INCLUDING a committed, loving relationship. I'm sorry that this did not work out for you, but happy that you did not settle for what he is offering.. you can have so much more. Whatever reason he gives you the bottom line is that he's got issues--there is nothing wrong with YOU... so chin up girl ! Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 He is basically a heartless coward that has no true consieration for another's feelings and only wants things for himself. Who would be stupid enough to go too far with this nimrod? He is the type that makes all of us guys look bad, the sorry idiot. Good job kicking this dog to the curb. Link to comment
sparkey Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 You have discovered the secret to meeting people online. It is ok to believe what they tell you, either in writing or in a profile, but dont invest too much until their actions validate what they are telling you. Also, I agree that anyone that has to gloat how good they are, usually isn't. Anyone can say they are deep, passionate introspective person looking for a deep heartfelt relationship. Atleast he admitted his shortcomings early on! Link to comment
Caldus Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 Eh, I think this guy is full of ****. Move on. Oh yeah, and don't invest too much in anyone right away no matter where you meet them. Link to comment
volution Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 This guy is obviously just playing games. Like so many guys do. Arrrggghh... this really pisses me off when guys do this... A lot of women get tainted and ruined by guys like him, so when the really good guys come round, then they lose out because so many women believe that they are just playing games too! Hey... I know exactly what you mean when you say about 'Kick Me'. Whenever even the slightest glimmer of something good for me appears on the horizon, I just feel that somehow, something will foul it up. I believe that because of much fear and unrequited love in the past, I've been conditioned to expect negative things happening, rather than good things. It takes time to heal this, and start looking positively. I also believe though, that sometimes, love can heal - someone can come into your life, even if only for a brief time, and then all the pain of the past, just is transmuted. And you're not the only one... I don't know if I will ever find a woman who will just open up enough to let me in, to show her my tenderness and passion, honesty and faithfulness..! Link to comment
streetraycerboy Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 Its good you determine him as a person who u dont need because clearly your worth alot more Link to comment
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