Don't even know what I am asking, just want advice

[Jsmet92]

Hey,

 

This is going to be LONG, so my apologies in advance.

 

I don't really have a specific question or anything for this, but i feel I need to talk about it a little and get some feedback from people.

 

I met this girl in July in France, she is from LA, I am from Sydney, Australia. We travelled together for 6 weeks and I experienced a connection I have never had with someone before on so many levels, more than previous girlfriends. We hooked up daily on our journey, and eventually she had to fly home. It felt like a break up.

 

I returned home at the end of August, and we have been regularly skyping/messaging each other. Upon returning home, i laid my cards out on the table and told her I want to come and see her, not to see America, but just to see her. She contemplated it and after a week decided it's not a good idea because she isn't fully over her ex and would not want to hurt me. We agreed to be friends but deep down I definitely want more than that. She said she has never connected so well with someone than she did with me, besides her ex.

 

So since then, we have been in regular contact and she calls me when she is sad or crying, on her way home from work and also just for a chat. I feel as if I am being used a little bit because I am pumping her up and making her feel good about herself, knowing that if her ex was to walk back into her life, she would take him back in a heartbeat. I could be being used emotionally while she has casual sex with others. She has issues with her father and seems to have dated a lot of guys in her life, and even told me she has been with other guys since returning home, which hurt, and I told her that. She also uses drugs a bit and don't think I could trust her if we were to be in a relationship. Every sign tells my head to run and just cut ties and move on, but my heart is still feeling strongly for her. I send her flowers, surprise her with dinner delivered and make time to chat to her.

 

She broke up with her ex (also an Aussie) in October 2013. She said she pushed him away and was her fault but he ended it badly. They have only had small talk since then and she hasn't heard from him in two months. A mutual friend of theirs told her the ex is planning to visit her in January, and it may be enough for them to get back together. She has told me she is not over him and needs closure to end it or continue the relationship. She got a psychic reading and the psychic said she will end up with him. The reading said she had two paths romantically, him or me. And she chose him. All of these signs tell me to run for the hills, but I can't!!

I have never had this connection with anybody, and as much as she frustrates me and I couldn't trust her, I still have massive feelings for her. I wish I didn't.

 

To make it worse, I am heading over there in March and will meet up with her, with the expectations of us getting together (trust me i know I shouldn't have these expectations).

 

I know she cares for me a lot. But I am so confused and haven't spent a waking moment not thinking about her for 4 months, and despite her making it clear we are just friends, I just can't move on!! It is killing me.

 

It feels like a relationship, we talk deep, do cute things for eachother sometimes, and care for each other. But obviously we live 13,000km away from eachother. I know she has been with other guys, And I know she will most likely end up with her ex.

 

I am not dumb and I KNOW I should be trying to get over as i deserve better, but I just cannot seem to convince myself. My heart won't stop feeling a certain way. No matter how hard I try. I don't want to feel this way anymore, but also want to keep talking to her. Does any body have any advice at all? You opinions and advice or whatever will be appreciated, thank you and sorry for the length of this.

 

 

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[Tinydance]

Well, first of all I just want to say, I feel for you. I've been in a similar situation before where I fell for someone pretty fast that I just had a casual thing with. I was crazy in love with him but he didn't want to officially be together. So I can definitely relate. Judging by your post, I think deep down you do know that this girl is probably not for you and that she's not really that interested. I understand that you can't help how you feel though. To be honest though I don't think she is interested in you as more than a friend, otherwise what is stopping her from doing something about it, when you are already so close? If she's being honest and she's still not over her ex after a year, then I think she definitely needs to deal with that first. Also it sounds to me like she may have even told you that story about the tarot cards to drive the point that you will NOT end up together, because she doesn't see it happening. I think she is using you because she knows very well how strongly you feel about her and you want to be with her. You constantly support her and shower her with gifts and if she doesn't want to be with you then I think she needs do you a favour and stop contact with you, or at least keep it to a minimum. Personally I think you should just admit to yourself that you can't be friends with her because you're crazy about her and admit it to her too. Then delete and block her from all social media, on your phone, don't respond to any of her messages. I know it's very hard, but you have to do this for yourself. Just keep trying, even if at first you keep breaking the "no contact" rule, it will get easier with time, trust me. I've been there and I took it very slowly bit by bit and now I'm over that person (well, mostly lol). Also she is not being fair to you, she knows how you feel and still she is basking in your adoration and stringing you along. It sounds to me like she just wanted a fling in Europe to try to get over her ex and to be honest I don't think she would have been that serious about you from the start. I think most people try not to get too attached to someone they're seeing just while travelling, except unfortunately in your case it didn't work. Also if she's sleeping with other guys now that she's back home in L.A., she obviously just wants to keep her options open and wants to play the field. I don't think you should go to LA in March, is there any way you could get any refund on your plane tickets? And even if you do go there, maybe just get the closure you need if she still doesn't want to be with you then. And then you really stop talking to her. Sorry, you probably already know this, but I don't think she sees you in the same way you see her.

[Rosti87]

I agree with the previous poster at best you are a rebound/transitional person. At the worse she has no romantic interest and sees you as a friend.

[SooSad33]

Sadly, it sounds like she's been using you as an 'emotional pillow'... with her emotions/tears, etc.

 

" We agreed to be friends but deep down I definitely want more than that"

- No, it's not an idea to try n be 'friends' when you feel more than that for them.

 

She sounds quite unstable.. sleeping around while still mourning over her Ex.

 

I feel what you need to do is STOP being there for her like you are. Very high chance you are NOT going to end up with her.

You need to gain some self respect and take care of yourself now. Don't give her all your energy.

She's a world away and is busy taking care of herself.. with others.

 

The only way to get over this and on with your own life is to end all you're doing to try & impress her.

 

Time to back off and take care of yourself.... it can be done.

[Capricorn3]

Threads have been merged.

[Jsmet92]

Thanks everyone. Basically you all just told me what I already knew, which I appreciate. I know cutting ties with her is the logical thing to do. This is such a feeling that I can't shake for one reason or another. Thanks tiny dance for your empathy. It sucks hey

 

 

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