Going on my first 'online' date soon

[Aeropro]

Update

 

The second date went well! We had an absolutely fantastic dinner and the movie afterwards was very funny. I will say that, although I enjoyed the movie (Horrible Bosses 2), that I wish I would have made some sort of move. Be it putting my arm on her or what have you... but I guess I was just taking things slow. We definitely were more relaxed than the first date and I could tell her personality was coming through more (I can tell she is a shy one). I was completely myself and I think she appreciated my sincerity.

 

Of course, the inevitable end of the night came when I dropped her off. I could tell we were both not necessarily wanting the night to end but were nervous for the ending. We gave each other a nice hug and I brought up the idea of seeing one another again this weekend with a, "So, what are your plans for this weekend? Any free time?". She told me that she had to grade papers (she is a teacher) for some time tomorrow (being today now) but other than that didn't have a lot going on. She then said she would text me since she knows that I am moving today and will be a bit busier.

 

All and all I feel pretty good. I really enjoyed myself and could tell she did too. We had a real connection and she was very interested in what I had to say and vice-versa. Again, the only thing I would change was perhaps being a bit more physical and I don't mean that in a sexual way as I am not in it just for that. I think for date 3 is time for an activity date. Maybe a quick lunch and then something... active. I could sense some sexual tension last night which is a good thing, but I think both of us were unsure if we should rattle the cage too soon and just let things flow naturally which is fine by me.

 

Very excited because today I am moving to my new place! I am hoping she reaches out to me and wants to schedule a get together tomorrow. If I don't hear from her I will probably shoot her a text later this afternoon asking if she would like to go out again tomorrow for lunch/something fun. What is your guys' take on this?

 

=)

[Batya33]

Yes, I think that's fine just suggest something specific rather than "something fun". Obviously she might have a different suggestion which is fine. Good luck on the move.

[Aeropro]

Yes, I think that's fine just suggest something specific rather than "something fun". Obviously she might have a different suggestion which is fine. Good luck on the move.

 

Thank you! Would suggesting something for tonight be too short of notice? If I were to say, "Hey! I'm celebrating my new place by cooking up one of my favorite dishes. Would you like to have dinner this evening?" ... or should I push it out to Sunday?

[missmarple]

Thank you! Would suggesting something for tonight be too short of notice? If I were to say, "Hey! I'm celebrating my new place by cooking up one of my favorite dishes. Would you like to have dinner this evening?" ... or should I push it out to Sunday?

 

I don't know what the time is where you're at (I'm in Europe and it's already Saturday evening here) but if it's still morning time, I think it's fine to suggest dinner for tonight

[Aeropro]

I don't know what the time is where you're at (I'm in Europe and it's already Saturday evening here) but if it's still morning time, I think it's fine to suggest dinner for tonight

 

We're going out again tomorrow night! I suggested either Sat or Sun but we both ended up being busy with me moving and she grading a lot of projects. We've been texting for a few hours and I hinted at a future dinner date at my apartment which she said she'd love.

 

So far so good!

[Aeropro]

Date 3 went okay. I took her out for a quick bite which was a nice way to end a long day. She is a tough one to read for sure... I'm not quite sure how to put my finger on her. The date lasted about an hour with her saying "should we leave now?" while explaining how tired she gets after work which I understand. We had good moments of laughing and such and I mentioned how I'd like to cook her dinner soon which was met with either a nervous/shy "yeah" or a nervous/cold "not feeling this". I honestly couldn't tell although she was receptive to my other suggestions.

 

The night ended with another hug with me telling her to text me when she has another night free so I can make her dinner. She said she has some more meetings this week and isnt too sure but that she would let me know. She also said she has been busy with her friend and trying to meet other new friends since she is new to the area.

 

Again... not really sure what to think. There were moments where even I felt disengaged and awkward when we were feeling each other out, although I still like her and want to see her again. She hasn't texted yet like she did after the first date and I haven't texted like I did after the second. I'm hoping again that there is a future date but honestly I'm not sure. She said her brother is coming to town soon and is going to do things with him and then when Xmas rolls around she'll be out of town for two weeks.

 

*shrug*

[missmarple]

Too many excuses. To me it sounds like she's not feeling 'it' and, in my opinion, 3 dates are enough to know whether you like someone or not. I would give up.

[Batya33]

I think you move on and if she texts great -if you're still interested and available. I don't think she's that interested and I wouldn't bother calling again. I think that's why you told her to call you, right -because you sensed that she wouldn't be enthusiastic about hearing from you. I agree that she's making excuses. I'm sorry and I know it's disappointing.

[Aeropro]

I think you move on and if she texts great -if you're still interested and available. I don't think she's that interested and I wouldn't bother calling again. I think that's why you told her to call you, right -because you sensed that she wouldn't be enthusiastic about hearing from you. I agree that she's making excuses. I'm sorry and I know it's disappointing.

 

I'm still interested as I think I've been close to getting her out of her shell. I know she's shy which makes things a bit more unclear... when I suggested taking her out to another restaurant down the road impyling we'd see one another again she was very receptive and smiley, etc. Towards the end I re-iterated that I wanted to cook for her/have her over because 1) I know she'd open up more in a more relaxed setting, 2) it wouldn't be another restaurant date and 3) I could show her another side of me. Her response was again either a shy "yes" or a shy "yeah... no thanks".

 

I feel similarly about her where I feel a spark that is being blocked by something which I think is just nerves from her end. The second date was the best because I could tell she was relaxed and we had a few drinks. Maybe Monday nights after a long work day aren't the best time for dates, haha. I don't think her brother/xmas is an excuse, but I think her lack of effort is a red flag. I mean if she really liked me I'm sure she'd find a way to come over this week even if she's busy.

 

I'll keep you guys updated. I'm going to wait a few days and then check in with her. Could just be her personality and she was nervous. Although after 3 dates even I was starting to wish she'd be a bit more outgoing. Wish me luck!

[Aeropro]

Too many excuses. To me it sounds like she's not feeling 'it' and, in my opinion, 3 dates are enough to know whether you like someone or not. I would give up.

 

I won't give up but I'm definitely going to pull the reigns back. The ball is in her court now and I'm not going to just wait for her to pass it back and not meet other people. If we don't hang out again before her xmas vacation (when she is out of town for two weeks) that will be all the evidence I need to make my conclusion that she's simply not interested.

[Batya33]

It has nothing to do with nerves or shyness or "blocking" a spark - all that needs to happen at this stage is a positive response to another date. And if she's actually that shy telling her to call you doesn't make much sense. Even very shy and nervous people know when they want to see a person again and they do not make the "too busy" excuses - they might not look "as" enthusiastic but you will get at least a smile and a stammered "yes I would like that". Also inviting her to your place might signal to her that you want to have sex with her -she barely knows you and might not want to go to a new person's home that early on.

 

Obviously if you don't wait around for her then it really doesn't matter whether she gets in touch or not -I think your sense of timing is right.

[Aeropro]

Right I guess I never thought about it that way. I just thought it was another good step in the right direction since she was open to me picking her up at HER place, etc... and she knows I play music so I figured I could do that for her as well. I am not too sure what to think right now but we'll see what happens. Again, I'll shoot her a text on Thursday night and see how receptive she is. There'd be nothing to lose at that point anyway, I suppose. Do you guys have suggestions as to how to approach texting her/calling her in a few days assuming she doesn't reach out prior? Should it be trying to set another date up or a light "how has your week been?".

[reinventmyself]

I would definitely pump the brakes a little and I agree if she is indeed shy she may be nervous at the thought of going to your home for an intimate dinner.

Give it a couple days and then reach out as you mentioned. Maybe suggest doing something different and gage her response. You should have your answer.

[Aeropro]

I would definitely pump the brakes a little and I agree if she is indeed shy she may be nervous at the thought of going to your home for an intimate dinner.

Give it a couple days and then reach out as you mentioned. Maybe suggest doing something different and gage her response. You should have your answer.

 

Maybe I just need to be a bit more creative with the dates moving forward. It's winter here and quite cold/snowy so anything out-doorsy is pretty much off the table which is why I figured a dinner date with some music playing would be fun. I have a couple of guitars and she had mentioned she wanted to learn how to play so I figured I could teach her a few songs for fun since she is big on country music. It is still early though and maybe, as you said, the thought of going to a guy's apartment is a minor red flag for her because most guys would try to make a move or something whereas I wouldn't.

 

Hopefully she reaches out later tonight. If not, I'll wait another day and then test the waters.

[Aeropro]

So I received some advice from my mom who used to have all the guys chasing her when she was younger and I decided to run with it. She said if a guy went more than two days without reaching out she would either think he was losing interest or start losing interest herself. I reached out to my date and this is the conversation that followed:

 

Me Hey! How's your work week been?

Her Hi! It's been going! how about yours?

Me it hasn't been too bad! It's flying on by. Have you done anything fun with your kids this week? (she's a teacher)

Her That's good! Yes we've been doing some fun things; mostly next week with the break coming up!

Me Sooo envious of you and your two week vaca... grrr... I'll trade you? Haha... What sort of fun things do you have planned?

Her Nope no trading for me- i definitely want the two weeks! Hmm well we're going to have a party and make some crafts and watch polar express so I'm excited!

Me Aww please? Haha. Sounds fun! I like that movie. Well hopefully you have fun with your brother this coming weekend as well! I'd like to see you again before you split out of town, but I understand how busy you must be with work. It's very very important to spend time with your family! If your plate clears up a bit you'll have to let me know. Maybe we could do something fun together - I have a few things in mind I think you'd enjoy!

Her Yeah, maybe we could try to do something next week? My brother's schedule on when he comes and when he stays til is still kind of up in the air, but later in the week might work. I'll let you know!

Me Sure! If you could let me know a few days in advance so I can keep a night or two free for ya I'd appreciate it. I definitely understand things being up in the air... the end of the year can be a busy time for me as well with work and of course the holidays

Her Yeah of course, I'll let you know! Have a great rest of the week!

Me Thanks - you too!

 

I felt like I was being respectful/understanding and more or less standing my ground while suggesting that I have other things going on as well, although I would like to see her. I wanted to hint to her that my time is valuable as well when I said "a few days in advance" because, honestly, I do have other things going on and don't want to keep my schedule free while waiting for her. I feel she was very open with discussing exactly what was going on which I think is a good sign.

 

What do you guys think? Obviously now things are entirely in her court and I will be hanging back quite a bit now respecting her space.

[Batya33]

I'm not a fan of typing at this stage of dating -you barely know each other -at least on the phone you can hear tone/inflection. I think you have your answer. She is lukewarm about seeing you (at best). I would not invest any more time in Ms. Lukewarm. I think you came accross -in typing -as trying too hard and too apologetic but again that's reading typed words -she doesn't get the benefit of your tone or inflection or the simple benefit of having an actual conversation. I don't think your word choice affected things -I think you've confirmed that she is not interested enough in seeing you again, for whatever reason. The reason doesn't matter -don't take it personally!

[Aeropro]

I'm not a fan of typing at this stage of dating -you barely know each other -at least on the phone you can hear tone/inflection. I think you have your answer. She is lukewarm about seeing you (at best). I would not invest any more time in Ms. Lukewarm. I think you came accross -in typing -as trying too hard and too apologetic but again that's reading typed words -she doesn't get the benefit of your tone or inflection or the simple benefit of having an actual conversation. I don't think your word choice affected things -I think you've confirmed that she is not interested enough in seeing you again, for whatever reason. The reason doesn't matter -don't take it personally!

 

Well I mean future get togethers can't hurt if she's willing to see me. Taking your advice obviously I am going to disengage and not invest too much hope into the situation but we'll see. I understand teachers are busy people but I also understand that being ignorant of her behavior isnt going to do me any favors.

[Batya33]

Well I mean future get togethers can't hurt if she's willing to see me. Taking your advice obviously I am going to disengage and not invest too much hope into the situation but we'll see. I understand teachers are busy people but I also understand that being ignorant of her behavior isnt going to do me any favors.

 

She is not too busy to see you. Even if she were busy right now she would either jump through hoops to see you anyway or at the very least make a specific plan in advance so that she could lessen the risk of you getting snapped up by someone else. I was extremely busy as a teacher and then I went into a far more intense field with far more unpredictable hours - much busier. I made time to date the men I was interested in . If I was lukewarm I either moved on or gave it another few chances but not by sacrificing precious weekend "date" time if at all possible.

[missmarple]

I was extremely busy as a teacher and then I went into a far more intense field with far more unpredictable hours - much busier. I made time to date the men I was interested in . If I was lukewarm I either moved on or gave it another few chances but not by sacrificing precious weekend "date" time if at all possible.

 

Exactly this.

 

I am a teacher and it's never stopped me from dating men I was interested in.

[Aeropro]

She is not too busy to see you. Even if she were busy right now she would either jump through hoops to see you anyway or at the very least make a specific plan in advance so that she could lessen the risk of you getting snapped up by someone else. I was extremely busy as a teacher and then I went into a far more intense field with far more unpredictable hours - much busier. I made time to date the men I was interested in . If I was lukewarm I either moved on or gave it another few chances but not by sacrificing precious weekend "date" time if at all possible.

 

Yeah I figured as much. Thanks for the input. She had mentioned she was busy with her friend as well but as you put it if she was heads over heels for me she would make the time for me... especially since she knows I am "online" and chatting with other women.

 

Hmm.

[BigKK]

with all the exclamation marks I would say she's far from lukewarm, but that being said actions speak louder than words. Interested women that shiver at the thought of you will be shuffling, and moving things around to have more time with you

[Aeropro]

with all the exclamation marks I would say she's far from lukewarm, but that being said actions speak louder than words. Interested women that shiver at the thought of you will be shuffling, and moving things around to have more time with you

 

Far from lukewarm in a good or bad way? Haha... I suppose she could be legitimately busy.. but that is wishful thinking. She moved to the area three months ago and I know it's been petal to metal for her thus far. *shrug*

[Batya33]

There's no need for her to be head over heels -just enthusiastic about a second date. She wouldn't have created an on line profile or met you in person if she had no time to date/get to know someone.

[Aeropro]

There's no need for her to be head over heels -just enthusiastic about a second date. She wouldn't have created an on line profile or met you in person if she had no time to date/get to know someone.

 

That's true. She is still online every evening (I know this because I check my profile as well each night when I get emails, etc) so I know she is still searching or at least entertaining the notion. We've already been on three dates so maybe she just lost interest... who knows. Gotta keep on keepin' on. Maybe she'll come around.

[Batya33]

That's true. She is still online every evening (I know this because I check my profile as well each night when I get emails, etc) so I know she is still searching or at least entertaining the notion. We've already been on three dates so maybe she just lost interest... who knows. Gotta keep on keepin' on. Maybe she'll come around.

 

You met once in person and then I thought you only had one date after that (sorry if I missed another one). Many people decide not to go on a second or third date and often it's nothing personal. I do remember years ago a friend of mine being turned off by a guy who kept inviting her to his house after one or two dates (she didn't go).