change4better1 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Ok here's my dilemma perhaps I can get some insights: I'm a 51 year old Male she is 50, We been together for 10 years ..We were engaged to be Married next year .. Everything is wonderful when things are going right. However then things are wrong fighting, disagreements etc for the past three years we part ways. Last Year I moved out. This year we have planed to move back in November but because we never fixed the problem with our anger issues every time we fight we breakup. In fact last few times she has broken up with me. I had nearly half my stuff there and when she broke with this time all my stuff was left out for me to pickup ..meaning outside ! She really has issues where she goes to the extreme when she is angry . today now 2 weeks later and no contact ..removed her from all social media and even changing my phone number. I am trying to move on with my life but am having a hard time. We do love each other that is not the problem . There were no infidelity on either side. We just can't seem to get along when we fight . its like we love each other dearly when things are good. But when things are bad we hate each other just the same . I do want her back of course but I can't if nothing can get worked on. For now my plan is trying to move on and remain at NC after all it was her again that broke it off with me. anyone has thought? Link to comment
Supernova1607309611 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Couples can learn to 'fight fair' rather than having things spin out of control. But if there are lots of other issues that are causing these fights, incompatabilities and problems, then perhaps the incompatabilities are unresolvable and leading to these breakups. There's really no point to keep repeating this same pattern again and again, and eventually it ends in exhaustion where one or both just can't take the drama and fights anymore. If you want to be with her I suggest you call her and ask her if she'd be willing to go to couples counseling with you so that you can both learn how to fight fair and pull back from the brink of these vicious fights that lead to breakups and to find ways to live peacefully with each other. But if she won't agree to counseling, i think at this point exhaustion is taking over and she may not be willing to try to work on it with you and it could be over. So find out if she'll give it a shot with you in counseling, and if she won't, then you do need to move on and let go because no one can live with constant breakups and vicious fights forever. Link to comment
Lester Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 When it come to love and marriage there is absolutely nothing new under the sun. The problem is you may not know the old rules and are stuck trying to make the new, but zillions times failed, rules work. Helpful hints specifically aimed at reversing some of your faulty programing: - Marriage is serious! - Knowing this you plan to find and marry the right woman in a relatively short period of time. - Pop-culture says move in together to find the right woman but that creates an open ended deadline which allows incompatible woman to slip in. - Once you find the right girl... marry her! - Once married she becomes part of you. - Being part of you she gets the same care you give any part of your body. (Your head may not look like a movie stars but you still groom and feed everyday, don't you?) - Knowing this, you stop fighting with yourself. Keep coming back for more. Link to comment
lukeb Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Why exactly did you remove her from all social contact and change your phone number? Are you worried about your safety? Link to comment
change4better1 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 No that's not it at all, I am trying to move on with my life and going No Contact which means to me removing her completely out of my life. Changing Number and removing social media ...I don't want to have any urges of contacting her if i bump into her in any way. Link to comment
Supernova1607309611 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Well, if you know it is truly over, then you just get on with it... tie up any loose ends quickly, then block her and get on with your life. No easy way to do that, you just have to do it. Link to comment
lukeb Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 No that's not it at all, I am trying to move on with my life and going No Contact which means to me removing her completely out of my life. Changing Number and removing social media ...I don't want to have any urges of contacting her if i bump into her in any way. and then you write in your first post "I do want her back of course" It is not really clear what it is you want. It is difficult to give any real insight into your situation except for the fact it is really silly and immature to remove someone from social media and change your phone number if you are doing it for any other reason than safety. She is definitely showing some immaturity as well throwing all your stuff outside when she kicked you out in this dramatic fashion. Perhaps we are dealing with two people who just need to grow up. I mean you are 50 years old and I would expect better from a couple of teenagers. When you have a disagreement what is the point of all this extra drama? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I don't think you should try to deal with someone who is 50 with such extreme anger. It's not like she's going to freaking change. I would advise you to move on. Link to comment
change4better1 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 and then you write in your first post "I do want her back of course" It is not really clear what it is you want. It is difficult to give any real insight into your situation except for the fact it is really silly and immature to remove someone from social media and change your phone number if you are doing it for any other reason than safety. She is definitely showing some immaturity as well throwing all your stuff outside when she kicked you out in this dramatic fashion. Perhaps we are dealing with two people who just need to grow up. I mean you are 50 years old and I would expect better from a couple of teenagers. When you have a disagreement what is the point of all this extra drama? I think you should read clearly my post before throwing accusation everyone else in these tread is getting it why not you? My situation is I removed her from social media and changed my number as I am the dumpee and she is the dumper once again. Why would I try to get her back when she is the one that broke it off once again and this time threw my stuff out. that is what my mind is saying but being that we're in a 10 year relationship my heart says otherwise which is 100% natural . Its only been two weeks since we broke off me keeping her on sight *social media* would only mean im latching on which is not healthy for neither one of us. But thank you for your recommendation and no thanks on your judgmental comments Link to comment
change4better1 Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Thank you smiles At this point I can take whatever advice you can offer. and your last statement is exactly what I'm doing. I have no contact with her whats so every we're about 20 miles away from each other .. i don't look for her on social media and just trying to find the peace within myself...it is all I have and I will admit it has been working for me for the most part. Thank you once again Link to comment
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