JuggernautJay Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 I really don't know what to do. My close friend (Emma) has been dating this guy for about 6-7 months now. During that time I know that one of my other close friends (Kayleigh) had a crush on him. The two of them began talking a lot on Facebook. Then they got each other's numbers and started flirting. As time went on they began seeing each other. They started making out and apparently they've had sex 4 times. Kayleigh is incredibly open about the experience but asks me not to tell Emma as she knows I am close friends. So far I have kept out of the situation as people on Yahoo Answers advised me that it was none of my business. But I'm watching Emma absolutely devastated because her boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with her. He hasn't seen her for 5 weeks now and she is thinking she has done something wrong. I feel incredibly guilty not telling her what's going on. Should I tell her. I'm seriously going off Kayleigh as a friend anyway as she has become very stuck up. But would it be wrong of me to tell Emma the truth, despite not being involved in the situation? Link to comment
lukeb Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 ... But would it be wrong of me to tell Emma the truth, despite not being involved in the situation? Yes it would be. Link to comment
NIN2000 Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 It doesn't sound like they are "close friends". Friends do not behave and treat each other in such a manner. Link to comment
faraday Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 I think it's different when you're a friend and not s participant in the affair...I think you should say something. If our friends don't tell us the truth and protect us, who will? Personally, the smugness of Kayleigh being blatant and saying "don't tell" would really make me mad. Who needs a friend like that? Real friends don't put you in morally compromising positions....she's horrid. The bf is even worse. He shouldn't be stringing along your friend like that. As for Emma....before you tell her about her bf, I would ask her if this is the kind of relationship she wants, and encourage her to see that she's not getting what she needs from it. If she doesn't see the light...I would tell her that you have something to tell her that you didn't want to tell her because you didn't want it to change the way she views relationships and the world...that it's not her fault... Situations like this suck. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
Moontiger Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 I would want to know. So I vote for telling but everyone is different. I would give the two people cheating a chance to come clear "You have three days to tell her or I will." Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 >>So far I have kept out of the situation as people on Yahoo Answers advised me that it was none of my business. But I'm watching Emma absolutely devastated because her boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with her In this case I would say yes, tell her, because you have it straight from the girl he is cheating with, and he hasn't even seen her in 5 weeks. There is a very good chance he has already dumped her for this other girl, but just hasn't clued her in to that yet (and maybe never will). Some cowards rather than actually breaking up with someone will just fade away, slip away, pretend they want to get together, but then slowly just do nothing until the other person figures it out and dumps them due to lack of attention and seeing each other. So it sounds to me like it's already over, and he is just cruelly slipping away and not cluing her in to that fact. It will help her heal faster if she knows it is over and he's seeing someone else. It will be extremely painful, but it will let her get on with her life. She shouldn't be wasting her life being the patient GF waiting for her BF to show up, when he's already moved on and is busily banging someone else and hasn't even had the decency to break up with her first or tell her it is over. If you don't want to name names, the other way to do this is to start suggesting to her that it is really odd that he has disappeared for 5 weeks, and if it were you, you'd assume that he already is seeing someone else and that he's too much of a coward to actually break up with you. That might trigger her looking into it and finding out herself. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 I would tell her. First off, because you know for sure it's true -- the "other woman" told you herself. And, Emma is suffering, waiting and wondering what's going on with her boyfriend. She deserves to know, not only for her emotional well-being, but for her physical well-being (STD's, etc.) My mom once told me a story about the mother of one of my friends, who randomly stopped by our house one day and asked my mom, "Did you know my husband was having an affair"? My mom said no, she didn't (it was true -- she had no idea). And the woman said, "Well, apparently, a number of my friends did, and no one told me." She told my mom that her husband had been cheating on her for some time, with the mother of another of our friends, and that several of the other mothers of our friends/classmates knew and never said anything to her. She told my mom that she wished that even ONE person had said something to her, and that she learned a valuable lesson about who her friends really were. Anyway, the point of the story: If you value your friendship with Emma, you should tell her. She deserves to know that she's being played for a fool by this creep AND her supposed "friend" Kayleigh. Armed with that information, she can make better decisions -- now and in future relationships. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 btw, i think you need to reconsider those two cheaters as friends. And the girl is really not much of a friend at all if she not only cheats with the BF of one of the girls in her circle of friends, but also puts you in the position of being complicit with her in that cheating and expecting you to not tell your other friend. Your other friend is doing absolutely nothing wrong, but your cheating friend is doing a lot wrong, and she's essentially expect you to side with her and her cheating and hide it from the innocent party. So the cheating female friend either has personal issues where it makes her feel good to get 'one up' on the innocent girl by taking her BF, or she was secretly hoping you'd either approve of her cheating, or else that you'd take it back to this other girl to hurry along their breakup so that she could have the guy 'all to herself.' But since he's a cheater, he will never be 'all hers', and most likely she will lose him the same way she got him, which is him finding the next girl he wants to cheat and run off with. Link to comment
JuggernautJay Posted October 4, 2014 Author Share Posted October 4, 2014 Bit of a misunderstanding. I am close friends with the both of them. They aren't friends with each other. Link to comment
journeynow Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 Bit of a misunderstanding. I am close friends with the both of them. They aren't friends with each other. I would not consider Kayleigh a close friend of yours, she's put you in a horrible position. And you know she's not trustworthy. Why consider her a friend? I saw that you said you're put off by her because she's stuck up, what about selfish (on several levels) and not to be trusted? You get to choose your friends, and what caliber of people you associate with. Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 Yeah, tell the truth. I would and I have actually. I've been in a predicament before when a guy I used to date told me he broke up with his gf awhile ago, and we made out. Then the next day I saw him and her holding hands when I went to see him at the end of class. I walked away but then later went to her and said "Hey listen Sarah, he told me you two hadn't been together in awhile and we hung out last night and made out. I'm so sorry. Had I known I wouldn't have I hope you know." She was pissed at him and they broke up of course. I never spoke to him again save for slapping him, and she and I became friends > I view it as the Golden Rule. Not the "not my business not my place" rule that many seem to go by nowadays. ... Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 Bit of a misunderstanding. I am close friends with the both of them. They aren't friends with each other. Ahhh...well....Kayleigh is still wrong, and Emma still needs to know, in my opinion. And yes, Kayleigh is a terrible friend to you, too, for putting you in this position. Link to comment
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