I'm not sure if i've messed it up or not.

[jay278]

Hi everyone!

 

Need advice here. Mainly from females preferably as I am a male and trying to attract a special lady.

I'll just start from the beginning today when I first met her.

So I'm an apprentice elevator technician. I was watching my boss do some super complicated stuff on a switchboard when in she came. The switchboard to the elevator of the building is located in the hallway which leads to the laundry. So she and many others were squeezing through us and our tools while we did our routine maintenance.

She came through the first time and my eyes nearly popped out of my head. She didn't notice. I hid it well. Maybe she did? I'm pretty sure she didn't.

Anyways, I had a plan. Next time she comes through to pickup her laundry. I'm going to throw our lunch rubbish into the bin inside the laundry and attempt to start a conversation. The conversation is as follows. My demeanor through the conversation is the natural me and I try to keep it that way. Slightly shy but soft confidence, sweet, cute, easy going. My legs are shaking and inside my nerves are freaking out. I try my best to hide it.

I'm 5 foot 9 and a half. Just turned 26. Medium-thin athletic build. I've been told many times that I'm good looking but I'm very dirty and sweaty from work. I have a fairly thick 5 0 clock shadow. I have light brown hair, medium length but pushed back from my work beanie. She is about 5 foot 5 or 6. She looks about 20. Slightly plump. Huuuuuuge boobs. Very curvy. Beautiful face. Brownish blond hair. I'm very attracted to her.

 

Me: Is there a bin in here?

Her: Yup! Just there

Me: Thanks! Hey! How heavy is a polar bear?

*she looks at me blankly*

Me: Enough to break the ice! Hahaha! (corny I know)

*she lets out a big laugh into her laundry machine* (whew!)

Me: I'm Jared! *big smile*

Her: Katrina, Hi *smiles back.. beautiful*

Me: *She has what sounds like an American accent* So you're American? (We are in New Zealand)

Her: No, I'm from Norway *smirking*

Me: Oh! Sorry haha!

Her: No it's okay, that's why the polar bear thing was pretty funny.

Me: Cool! (I then proceed to talk about the elevator work we are doing as one of the elevators is temporarily shutdown) blah blah blah but I know to keep this boring talk short and I do so. This talk is boring for me also but lets her know I'm not an idiot.

Her: So the other elevator is going to be up again soon?

Me: Yeah, it will be running again in a couple hours

Her: Cool

Me: Yeah, I just thought you're really pretty and wanted to talk to ya!

Her: Awww, that's so sweet!

Me: *I'm pooping inside, so scared* "Ummm.." *Stupid awkward smile*

*she smirks at me*

Me: So are ya single? *IM AN IDIOT*

Her: *she continues doing her laundry* "Umm.. Yup!"

Me: * I try my best to play it cool.* "Cool, me too. Can I get ya number?

Her: Yea.. umm.. I just got a new phone yesterday I can't really remember it. It's umm 0... 2... 7.. 3.............

*oh god she's rejecting me gently*

Me: 0273.. ?

Her: She gives the rest of her number once she remembers it.

Me: Sweet! Ok I'll flick ya a txt and maybe take ya on a date sometime? *big smile, getting confidant*

Her: Yea sounds good. I'm not sure if that's my proper number though.

Me: Ok well I'll send ya a txt now and if you don't receive it i'll be working down here for the next couple hours and you can come down here and give it to me if you want?

Her: Ok cool

Me: Cya!

Her: Bye!

 

I send her this txt "Hi! Jared the elevator guy here

 

She replies 2 and half hours later "Then I did remember my number *YES WOOP WOOP WOOP OHH YEAAA!!*

 

I promise myself I wouldn't reply straight away. I reply an hour later "Haha! for awhile there I thought ya gave me a fake number cause I was all stinky and scruffy from cleaning the elevator pit. Good memory." Was this a dumb thing to say???

 

She doesn't reply. I havn't contacted her since. Remember this was all only just today.

Did I mess up somewhere? Am I doing ok so far?

I'm planning on not txting her for a couple days unless she txts me first. As she did leave me hanging a little bit. My idea for the next txt in a couple days is "So do ya like roller coasters? I would like to take her to the theme park here in New Zealand and just have some fun and laughs. Remember she is from Norway and living in a student building. I doubt she has many friends here. I want to show her a good time. This is NOT just about sex. But not gonna lie. I can't help but think about it.

 

There it is. What does everyone think? I've broken up with the mother of my child a year ago and its been super difficult.

I will mention that I have a 1 year 10 month old daughter as soon as she gives me the chance. But only in person. My daughters name is Isabell. The center of my heart.

 

Advice for Katrina though? I'm rusty on all this stuff.

[MaxPayne19]

Hate to break this to you, but I don't know if she will get back to you. In the conversation, you jumped to asking her on a date way too quickly. You immediately told her she was very pretty and asked her for her number and about going on a date. This would creep most women out. You need to first build a stronger rapport with someone before you jump into setting up a date.

[jay278]

Are you male though? I wouldn't trust a males opinion on this. I doubt a female would have max payne as her pic.

 

Question though. Why would she give me her number and say she was single if shes not going to get back to me?

 

I mean... my intention was to attract a sweet, kind girl. Because I am a sweet, kind guy. So that's how I approached her showing her my personality. I try my best not to act or play mind games. Im not about that. She did respond to positively to me. Quite a few times.

 

I guess time will tell. I hope you're wrong. I could make her very happy.

[mhowe]

I'm planning on not txting her for a couple days unless she txts me first. As she did leave me hanging a little bit

 

What? How did she leave you hanging?

 

You basically accused her of trying to shaft you right off the bat --- strike #1.;

You put yourself down (dirty, scruffy)--- safe to assume most elevator men aren't in suites ---- strike #2.

You are playing games and really want nothing more that access to her curves --- strike #3.

 

I would say you need to think about her as a person, and not a conquest.

[DancingFool]

Telling her about how you thought she'd give you a fake number....eh...don't do stuff like that. It's kind of insecure and what can she possibly say to that anyway? There is nothing to respond to for her.

 

Basically, you are fine, you got her attention and her number, SO don't drop the freakin' ball now and start playing games with waiting for days to contact her, seeing if she'll contact you...blah blah blah... Close.the.deal. Ask her for that date already. She gave you her real number because she is interested and she already knows you are after a date with her. No mystery here, so don't waste time beating around the bush. Ask her what she likes, suggest a date. Make sure you show interest in who she is, what preferences she has - pay attention to those little things.

[chiquitabanana]

I am a male and trying to attract a special lady.

 

She came through the first time and my eyes nearly popped out of my head.

She is about 5 foot 5 or 6. She looks about 20. Slightly plump. Huuuuuuge boobs. Very curvy. Beautiful face. Brownish blond hair. I'm very attracted to her.

 

This is NOT just about sex. But not gonna lie. I can't help but think about it.

 

my intention was to attract a sweet, kind girl. I could make her very happy.

 

I would say you need to think about her as a person, and not a conquest.

 

Make sure you show interest in who she is, what preferences she has - pay attention to those little things.

 

I realize at first, attraction is visual. You seem really interested in her looks, but I don't remember any of your conversation being something where you were trying to learn anything about her, except whether or not she was single. Maybe I missed something? but it seems like you just saw a hot girl & asked her out, but do you have any idea that she's a "sweet kind girl"? And how do you know you "could make her very happy" when you don't know anything about her yet except that she makes you think about sex?

 

Aside from that I agree with the other posters, which is why I quoted some of what they said. Don't treat her like a trophy, get to know her as a person and stop thinking you could make her happy before even getting to know her. Just treat her like any person you'd like to get to know better, & see what happens without forcing it.

[jay278]

I've read everyone's post and I gotta say I'm really offended.

 

I'm a 26 year old male. I think about sex. Sue me.

I have no expectations from her. At all. The priviledge of possibly having her company is all I'm really interested in. The possibility of sex is a just a bonus. This is far from my reasoning for approaching her though.

Yea so I said to her about the fake number? So what. I'm honest. I did not acuse her of trying to shaft me! This is a gross exaggeration. I was merely commenting on my own thoughts and trying to turn it into something positive. Do not twist my words.

When talking about making her happy. Does riding a roller coaster make you happy? The answer is yes. Stop over analyzing and twisting it.

I feel that she is a sweet kind girl because of the way I approached her as explained above. She responded positively to that because she must feel a connection with that sort of behavior. If she was not a sweet, kind girl I would have been rejected right off the bat.

Now the conversation not being about her. I do not want to overload her with questions about herself in first contact. That is creepy. I will be asking her plenty of questions about herself and communicating about that if she chooses to hang out with me. As I do with everyone in my life.

Yes I did see an attractive girl and ask her out. That's how it goes when approaching strangers romantically. Would you approach someone and ask them out if you're not attracted to them? Of course not. Be realistic. This is not shallow. If I was shallow I would be only wanting to have sex with her which I've repeatedly said I don't. Preferably build an emotional connection first. As I've always done in the past. Hence the reason I lost my virginity at 22 to the mother of my child. As stated above though. I think about sex. It's hardcoded into my DNA. Like all men. I just don't act on it. I was raised by a single mother. I have huge respect for all woman. I am learning through meditation to control my thoughts.

 

Mhowe's post offends me the most. It's ridiculous and not the reality of the situation at all.

 

Now. I made contact with her today. I will tell you guys. Please remember to take into account everything I've said before you reply with your judgment's. I'm here for advice because felt chemistry with her. I'm not here to hurt or "conquest" this girl. Moronic. I have not contradicted myself at all.

 

So anyway. Txts are as follows. I took someone dancingfool's advice. I txted saying...

"Hey good morning! So what do ya do for fun? Do ya like roller coasters or haunted mansions?"

 

she replies "Hi! Definitely roller coasters, I can't stand haunted mansions. And when I'm not on a roller coaster, I hang out with my friends. Try to see as much as I can of this country while I'm here. How about you?"

 

My reply "When ya goin back to Norway? I could show ya many beautiful places. Mansion is a place called Spookers it's really fun. Have you been to Rainbows end already?"

 

I realized I didn't answer her question. So txted again and said. "For fun I will also hang out with friends. Go to the beach. Boxing and I've got soccer training tonight. Would ya like to go to the beach sometime?"

 

She hasn't replied... I don't know. I'm being genuine and honest. Perhaps she doesn't like txting? Remember she's from Norway. Different culture. I gave her plenty to reply to. I think this time I should back off a bit and I might just give her a call on Friday afternoon and say something like "Hey it's Jared. Just ringing to see if you wanted to hang out. No pressure it's up to you. I have some cool idea's of places to show you in New Zealand. If you're busy or don't want to it's all good. I've never met anyone from Norway. Thought it might be cool to get to learn what Norweejans are like." Stuff like that. If she is not interested I will back off. No problems.

[Capricorn3]

To be honest, I wouldn't even bother seeing as she's going back to Norway. Unless you're up for a long distance relationship and never really see her or spend time with her in real life, (but maybe that's just me).

[Madamdiva007]

Lol, first of all I live in Norway and everyone texts here, just like they did back home in the states (and I'm sure in New Zealand as well). It's a different culture but cultural obsession with communicating and social media is the same where ever you go.

 

To be completely honest with you, I don't think she's really that interested. You've texted her twice on two different occasions and she didn't really engage you in much conversation. Honestly, I feel like she was just trying to be nice and let you down easy, or didn't know how to say 'no'.

 

There are a few situations I can look back on (not proudly) and remember being asked out by a few guys I really wasn't attracted/interested in. They kind of caught me off guard and when they asked for my number I gave it to them. They texted me and I texted back a little at first and then just sort of stopped replying. Never took them up on their offers to go out. I'm a horrible liar and they would have realized right away I was giving them a fake number. I felt bad for leading them on a little, but they got the point quickly and left me alone.

 

You could try one more time to ask her out, but honestly, if she doesn't reply to your first attempt in a day or 2, I would just move on.

 

Oh, and it's Norwegians, by the way

[jay278]

I agree with you but I also know that if she saw me all scrubbed up or topless and learned about the type of guy I really am her opinion would change (if she is not interested). I'll make on last attempt on Friday afternoon. If it's the same result I'll be deleting her number. Oh well, her loss.. another girls gain.

Thanks haha! I'm not the greatest at spelling.

[Capricorn3]

To be completely honest with you, I don't think she's really that interested. Honestly, I feel like she was just trying to be nice and let you down easy, or didn't know how to say 'no'.

I was thinking the same thing but just didn't want to say it, lol.

[Madamdiva007]

I agree with you but I also know that if she saw me all scrubbed up or topless and learned about the type of guy I really am her opinion would change (if she is not interested). I'll make on last attempt on Friday afternoon. If it's the same result I'll be deleting her number. Oh well, her loss.. another girls gain.

Thanks haha! I'm not the greatest at spelling.

But that's not a fair statement. You're judging her without even knowing her. You may just not be her type. Or maybe she is technically single but has another guy on her mind. Maybe she is a lesbian. There are so many 'maybe's'. I appreciate your confidence but don't think it's right to make generalized assumptions like that.

 

I like your plan, I think it's a good one

Good luck!

[mhowe]

She said she hated haunted mansions and you suggested that a specific haunted mansion was fun.

 

Make sure you show interest in who she is, what preferences she has - pay attention to those little things.

This is from Dancing Fool's post....

[jay278]

It's not a literal haunted mansion!! It's a place called Spookers you pay for and you walk through and people in costumes try to scare you and stuff. It's hilarious and really fun. They also have a corn maze and a haunted swamp. It's hard to explain that to her with everything else I'm trying to communicate in a limited amount of txt space and limited amount of txts I can send without coming accross as something I'm not.

 

Woman honestly you make this stuff really difficult. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

 

Can't really show preference in who she is when she is not really communicating and possibly leading me on? Understand? Ok.. Off to work.

[mhowe]

It's not a literal haunted mansion!! It's a place called Spookers you pay for and you walk through and people in costumes try to scare you and stuff. It's hilarious and really fun. They also have a corn maze and a haunted swamp. It's hard to explain that to her with everything else I'm trying to communicate in a limited amount of txt space and limited amount of txts I can send without coming accross as something I'm not.

 

Woman honestly you make this stuff really difficult. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

 

Can't really show preference in who she is when she is not really communicating and possibly leading me on? Understand? Ok.. Off to work.

 

Duh. It's October.... I can't stand haunted mansions.....she told you that. Not ambiguous in the least.

 

She isn't leading you on. She gave you her phone number and responded to a less than stellar opening gambit. I don't think she is that interested. See other posters comments.

[jay278]

I have read all the comments. You're is always the least helpful Mhowe.

October has nothing to do with anything. Duh.

I'm aware she told me that. That's why I suggested going to the beach or a theme park. Why are you still going on about that? Duh

Giving me her phone number in our first conversation, telling me she's single and then responding to my txts IS leading me on if she is not interested because I approached her with romantic intention. She would be well aware of that because I told her she was pretty and asked if she was single. Duh.

I'm well aware she is most likely not interested because I have been reading others posts and heeding the advice. If you had read the entire thread you would know that. If you have read the entire thread then you have less then stellar reading comprehension. Duh.

My friends (some of them female) have told me she is either not interested or just being cautious. As stated above, I will make one last attempt tomorrow afternoon by phone-call and if it's the same result I will not be contacting her again.

I'm naturally a bit shy around people I first meet. It's part of who I am. So saying I made a "less then stellar opening gambit" is really not helpful as I'm already very much aware of this as most people could probably tell by the way I wrote my first post. Duh.

[jay278]

Ok. Last post I'll make on this thread to finish it off.

She just txted me saying "I've been thinking. I leave in like a couple of months, so I don't think I'll be going on any dates. Thanks for the offer though

I replied "No problems. Offer still stands if ya wanna hang out as friends. I'm tryin to get my daughter to go Rainbow's End. They have a cool new ride Anyways I'll leave ya alone if not interested. I wish you all the best on you're life journey!"

I doubt she'll reply back. I guess she wasn't leading me on and just doesn't want to get involved romantically when leaving soon. Fair enough.

 

Thanks to everyone's advice. Even Mhowe.

[Capricorn3]

She just txted me saying "I've been thinking. I leave in like a couple of months, so I don't think I'll be going on any dates. Thanks for the offer though

Kudos to her for being upfront and honest.

[jak]

Sounds good