lightyears Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I've been dating this girl for 2 months now. I have strong feelings for her and so does for me (or so I think). We recently both started college so there is little time to see each other. The problem i'm having is that she is constantly sad lately. At first it was because she was always "tired" and "cranky" (her words not mine). Now she says that she thinks she has no friends and I tried to reassure her that she does in fact have friends and people that care about her. She stressed that she wants a guy friend. I'm not going to lie it makes me uneasy that she wants a close guy friend that she can hang out with so badly but i've tried voicing my concern and she takes it as extreme distrust towards her, but I do trust her. She was friends with a guy for 3 years before she met me, I don't think they ever dated or anything but when me and her started talking he confessed how much he liked her. She told him that she was only interested in being friends with him, but he said he can't handle being friends with her and not dating her. This upsets her because its her long time friend who is now refusing to talk to her because she won't date him. What i'm afraid of is that she will panic and try to be friends with any guy she meets and just find guys that want sex or to start a relationship. I told her there are guys who honestly just want to be friends and that I want her to find one like that so everyone can be happy but she tells me to quit with the "life talks" which pisses me of because im just trying to help. Its getting to a point where every conversation we have starts out happy but ends in her being mad/upset about this issue. On a side note, she started asking me if I would be friends with her if she broke up with me. I was honest and told her yes because I think she is a good person and I would still care about her. I also said I don't know exactly how I would react and she said "that's what I thought, see it's impossible to be friends afterwards". Anyways, I just need some insight on this situation, any responses are appreciated, thanks. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I think you did her a great disservice by telling her you would be friends if you broke up. You have only dated this woman 8 weeks and she is softballing you about a breakup. I know it was more hypothetical, but still. You have been dating her for a few weeks, she is complaining she "has no friends" and while she is supposed to be having fun with you, she feels that she doesn't have a guy friend to hang out with. I would wonder what she was like when you guys got to know eachother better and she is less inhibited. Honestly, I think this girl is going to be far more trouble and heartache than she is worth for such a short time. She really is pining over her guy friend even if she won't admit it. The guy friend did the right thing by ending the friendship since he had feelings. And now she has a guy and all she can think of is the one who got away. Even if she doesn't want to date him and just wants him around, she should be enjoying her time with you and excited to get to know you - not confessing all this about him to you I told her there are guys who honestly just want to be friends and that I want her to find one like that so everyone can be happy but she tells me to quit with the "life talks" which pisses me of because im just trying to help. She asks you for advice, then doesn't like the advice. I would be very over this. There ARE NOT guys who are out LOOKING to find a female friend. True platonic guy friends don't happen unless she meets them naturally in certain situations (work colleague and becomes friends with her as a couple with his wife, in class with her for four years and is more of an acquaintance friend and not a confidant). Anyway - i would dump her. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Okay, you need to understand something you missed here. When a person you are hanging out with in any capacity, either as a friend or date or SO, whines to you they have no friends it is a very underhanded dismissal of you and it's an insult. You apparently aren't a friend to her in any way, so she has "no friends" and now she is wanting to go meet other guys, supposedly to be just friends with, although she just had a friendship blow up in her face with a guy, because she was totally clueless that he liked her. Right, let's make a mistake then go repeat it with any old guy out there who comes along, because hey, I don't learn from my mistakes. I just keep rushing out to find replacements instead. Oh, and I insult the crap out of the guy I'm dating too while I'm at it." Come on, she is using you to pass the time until she finds someone else. And apparently, you don't even rate as a friend. Can you not see how mean and insulting that it is coupled with the complete illogic of wanting a guy friend to replace the one she apparently hung out with for three years either not getting his signals or ignoring them and stringing him along until he finally spoke up? And this is how she treats you at 2 months when she should be so over the moon at being with you that you could be Attila the Hun and she wouldn't care. You do know it's all downhill from here, right? Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Count yourself lucky that this is happening so early. You are in college, she wants to be with other guys. You either date her VERY casually and accept all of that or walk away. I'd walk away. And bone up on male/female relationship stuff. Lots of resources available online... Especially when it comes to women testing men's spine/resolve -and alpha male qualities. Bottom line is that this girl is telling you she wants a MAN, and unfortunately, that aint you. Sorry - i've been in your shoes before, so dont' take it personally. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I would walk away and quickly.... she is fishing for something and it isnt good news for you... Link to comment
abitbroken Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Bottom line is that this girl is telling you she wants a MAN, and unfortunately, that aint you. Sorry - i've been in your shoes before, so dont' take it personally. I don't think its not that he is not "man" enough for her. Rather, I have noticed a phenomena with the younger generation where it is acceptable to have the "harem" of exes and female admirers waiting in the wings and its on the woman if she doesn't accept it or she doubts herself or the man wondering if he is normal to not have that or men being unsure because they need to be "the cool boyfriend" when they don't accept when a woman is trying to do the same. And young women feeling they are not normal if they don't have dude friends. Its okay to have a more traditional set up where someone doesn't have close confidantes of the opposite sex at all and gives that right to the boyfriend or girlfriend. It really is. Link to comment
pfbsurf Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I don't think its not that he is not "man" enough for her. Rather, I have noticed a phenomena with the younger generation where it is acceptable to have the "harem" of exes and female admirers waiting in the wings and its on the woman if she doesn't accept it or she doubts herself or the man wondering if he is normal to not have that or men being unsure because they need to be "the cool boyfriend" when they don't accept when a woman is trying to do the same. And young women feeling they are not normal if they don't have dude friends. Its okay to have a more traditional set up where someone doesn't have close confidantes of the opposite sex at all and gives that right to the boyfriend or girlfriend. It really is. Maybe i'm a bit harsh with the man comment, but it is more about her than him. Either way she wants to have another dude in her life, and it sure isn't for chit chat. OP, you've GOT to send her packing. Just vanish. Seriously. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 She is looking for a punching bag and emotional tampon. Runnn. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 You really need to drop this girl right away and please don't keep her as a friend. She is not a nice person and she is pretty naïve to think guys just want to be platonic friends. The last guy wanted to be more than friends and was hanging around hoping for his chance and the next guy will too. Why aren't you enough? Time to cut her loose and run Lost Link to comment
catfeeder Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 The problem i'm having is that she is constantly sad lately. At first it was because she was always "tired" and "cranky" (her words not mine). It's been 8 weeks, and you're ready to make some snotty girl's problems your own? Go find a happy girl. People are not projects. Link to comment
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