A Problem with No Solution?

[Javabear]

I seem to have gotten myself in a predicament that is causing a lot of turmoil and it feels like there is no good solution. Perhaps you, wise readers, have some insight that I lack.

 

About 8 months ago, I began a relationship with a guy knowing that I would eventually be moving accross the country to attend a very prestigious graduate school for 10 months. He knew that I was planning to leave and we tried to keep things more casual than serious. But, things ended up getting pretty serious. I knew I couldn't turn down my grad school offer and as much as it pained me to have to leave, I thought that the love he professed for me would be enough to see us through the next 10 months until I could come back. We agreed that a long-distance relationship would be too hard to maintain but we weren't too sure where that left us, given our feelings.

 

The problem that as recently arisen is that I've been doing everything short of dropping out and coming back to show him that I still love him and still want to be with him, I just need to finish my program first. He doesn't understand why I would try to make a relationship with him a priority now, when it wasn't enough of a priority to keep me from leaving in the first place. He doesn't think it's fair to wait for me while I'm here getting my degree. He also doesn't want to get more attached in case I don't come back. BUT, he also still tells me he loves me and would be willing to get back together if it worked out, he just doesn't want to wait in the meantime.

 

I never asked him to wait for me. I knew that wasn't fair. But he's been putting in a considerable effort to talk to me every single day. Why do that if there wasn't some kind of end in sight? He claims it's just because he likes talking to me and values me outside of a relationship context, but he doesn't talk to any of his other friends the way he talks to me.

 

I need a solution or a way to make this work.... I can't drop out and come home, asking him to move for me would be selfish, simply forgetting about him altogether and just chalking this up to a failure based on bad timing isn't what I want. It seems like the only thing to do is wait and see what happens.

 

I'm at a loss. Any advice?

[SooSad33]

YOU need to look out for yourself. this is you life & your future.

If/when things happen re: your relationship with this guy, it will.. or it won't. Never give up your hopes & dreams over a partner.

They may end up leaving or you BU etc. Then what? You'd feel guilty about leaving your studies.. right?

 

Continue as you are with your schooling.

 

he says he doesn't want to wait.. that's his choice. But have you 2 discussed possibility of occasional trip back n forth during your study time to see each other? That can always be an option.

[missmarple]

He doesn't think it's fair to wait for me while I'm here getting my degree. He also doesn't want to get more attached in case I don't come back.

 

This is all you need to know. All I would need to know, any way. I would stop all contact with him. 10 months is nothing in the big scheme of things IF there are feelings involved.

[catfeeder]

He doesn't understand why I would try to make a relationship with him a priority now, when it wasn't enough of a priority to keep me from leaving in the first place. He doesn't think it's fair to wait for me while I'm here getting my degree.

 

Ghaaad, he's manipulative. Aren't you too smart for this?

[Ms Darcy]

He's banging other chicks and keeping you as a backup. Wise up...

[itsallgrand]

^ Exactly.

 

You need to start detaching from him. You two are broken up. Time to stop chatting with him and thinking that you are still with him.