Howsie2228 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I have been with my bf for 3 years we have had a lot of ups and downs thanks to me mainly. I'm not sure if u should blame it all on me... So I have major insecurities, I nag, I whinge like most girls do, but lately it's been everyday, if is it's not that then I have major issues thinking he doesn't love me or there's someone else constantly.... I just moved in with him and we have always been in contact throughout the day now he doesn't message me anymore , so I'm constantly thinking he has other distractions I know he busy with work etc etc... But what if, n who honestly what's to stay with a girl like me.... I can't help this I'm constantly upset, how can I change....??? And recently my bf told me enough is enough... This isn't all me I feel he just say things for the sake of it, which he has told me in the past, N lies. So I'm always wondering n worrying ... What if...? Something is happening ..... Help.?????????? How can I stop obsessing and being annoying gf Link to comment
bulletproof Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I just moved in with him and we have always been in contact throughout the day now he doesn't message me anymore , so I'm constantly thinking he has other distractions I know he busy with work etc etc... What do you do all day? How do you have time to be in contact all day? Link to comment
Howsie2228 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 I work to but if I don't notice a msg I freak out.... What an Idiot.. Moving in I thought was great but now we seem to be more distant.... I don't know how to quit my insecurities.. I will loose him if I keep accusing.. I hate my irrational thinking.. But it could happen.... Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 FYI ---- most girls do NOT whine. You need some therapy. Check with your insurance carrier and sign up. Link to comment
laninaperdida Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 FTR, most girls don't whine or nag. The insecure ones do, but that'a not all of us. I don't think him not texting you as much now that you live together is a big deal. Texts are used for quickly sending info, usually about what's up for later, but he will SEE you at regular times after work now so there's no real need. I think it's great you want to work on your insecurity, but I think th situation is going to prevent that. You're in a relationship and the relationship is making you insecure, The environment needs to change so you can go your own way and do your own thing. I think a BU is inevitable soon. Link to comment
ChiBrunette Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Im not a whiner, nor a nagger. I have to agree that - most women don't do that. I live with my boyfriend - we don't text constantly... why? Because we LIVE together. We see eachother constantly. Work is our break from one another. I'll send a hey I'm going on lunch, or he'll text me wtih "What do you want for dinner?" - but beyond that... we don't demand constant communication from one another. I think you need to look into therapy. Your insecurities are also leading you to be overwhelmingly dependent and needy - thats enough to drive any sane person away. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 My bf and I are living together. I just checked my phone --- we haven't texted since 9-4-14. Why? because we live together and there is nothing that is important enough to interrupt each other at work. Why? because we live together and will see each other tonight. Also, I don't care what he had for lunch, and I can certainly wait to see him to ask how his day went. Link to comment
Madamdiva007 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 My husband and I used to talk CONSTANTLY throughout the day while we were both working. This was when we first met and had the butterflies and all that. When he finally moved to my country to be with me, we still talked while I was at work because he was home alone bored and missing my company, but it wasn't as frequent. Now I'm living in his country and I'm the one home alone bored and missing his company. But we don't talk that much while apart and it doesn't bother me. There's really no point, we can talk when he gets home. In fact, I prefer it that way because it gives us something to talk about when he gets home rather than just sit in the silence. I am A LOT like you, very insecure and always worried he'll leave me, etc. But, those are my issues, not his. It's not up to him to reassure me every minute during the day, while he's working or spending time with his friends. He needs a break from me, just as I do him. In fact, I try to avoid messaging him throughout the day if I can, just because I want to give him space from me. Occasionally we'll send each other messages just checking in and seeing how the other is doing, especially after a rough night or something. Sometimes he'll have something to tell me about his job or I'll have a question about dinner or meeting up after work. But other than that, the messages don't flow like they used to. The honeymoon period is probably over for you two, which is okay and everyday life together is setting in. It's totally normal not to be in as much contact as before. You are living together. Link to comment
panther Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 And recently my bf told me enough is enough... This sounds like a hint that if this doesn't change, he will want a break up. Please start giving him more freedom, you don't have to talk everyday and much less text each other during the day if you are living together. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Leave your phone at home or in the car when you're at work. Then, when it's lunch, give him a hello call, or text. Then put the phone back in your car and go to work. If you are that insecure, become awesome. Go learn and do cool things, cooking, skiing, mountain-climbing, running, painting, belly-dancing, etc. Don't ever leave it up to someone else to validate your awesomeness! Every time you whine and complain that he isn't texting you every moment possible, you are saying, I don't trust you and you are not good enough. You are on the chopping block. If you don't get a grip, you will be fired soon enough. If he is the love of your life, your partner in crime, then he would be your best friend. Now if your best friend or close friend kept yelling at you for not texting her every 20 minutes, how would that make you feel? Stop being a jerk, by not being a jerk. Be respectful and not abusive of his time. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Give him the gift of missing you. You need to figure out how to get a handle on this because it sounds like you are pushing him away. I agree with therapy. . but it's not a quick fix. Link to comment
Howsie2228 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 Thanks for all your posts and each and everyone of u I agree.... Does it sound like an obsession...? This can fall be my fault though, he's lied from the start and made insecurities worse... He says he loves me n wants a future, I know I should just take that in...... But it's always me doing everything making him feel loved... I'm the one that feels worthless all the time and alone all he cares about is money ... Grrrrr!!! Link to comment
Howsie2228 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 The honeymoon stage should always stay.... I'm seeing a counsellor on Friday.. I don't want to loose this guy , when we met I was independent this m that now I'm so dependent and needy I hate it... How can I stop??? Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 By being independent again. Link to comment
Madamdiva007 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 The honeymoon stage doesn't always stay. Link to comment
Howsie2228 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 I know I need to do this it's just so hard..... Being in a five year previous abusive relationship has made me the way I am ... I want to be able to live a normal life - will I ever just be normal...??? I really hate life.... I'm always trying to please... Maybe I'm trying to hard and have way to many expectations... And just quickly we met at work... No don't work there anymore so I'm thinking cause "when we don't speak " is he tuning someone else at work.... FML!! Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Your choices have made you who you are. Therapy will show you why you made these choices. Link to comment
Howsie2228 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 This thread isn't just about messaging ... I need to find away how to quit my insecurities and stop whinging and nagging before it is really to late... Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 \This can fall be my fault though, he's lied from the start and made insecurities worse... He says he loves me n wants a future, I know I should just take that in...... But it's always me doing everything making him feel loved... I'm the one that feels worthless all the time and alone all he cares about is money ... Grrrrr!!! There you have it! Now it makes a little more sense. You think there is something fundamentally wrong with you because you don't fully trust your bf yet he has given you a reason to not trust him by lying to you to begin with. You are wondering if you are obsessed because the relationship is basically lopsided because you feel as if you are doing most of the work and he's not reciprocating. AND he somehow gives you the message that money is his first priority. BUT despite all the facts you are sensing that there may be something wrong with you because basically that's the only thing you can change. You can't change him so you will take the brunt of the blame and try to twist yourself into a pretzel to have the illusion of things fitting better. That's somehow much easier to do then to face what might be really going because after all IF what you say is true then you may be faced with acknowledging that this is not a healthy mutually satisfying relationship. It's easier to paint yourself crazy . . (OK. . some projection going here because I just described my marriage.. . this just rang too familiar for me and I sense the same going on here. Wished someone had saved me 2 years of therapy to figure it out) Link to comment
Howsie2228 Posted September 11, 2014 Author Share Posted September 11, 2014 I just hate blaming it all in him if I am the one that is doing it... U know maybe there is nothing wrong with him and I'm blaming n saying this n this n your not doing this and this... He doesn't tell me things anymore because he knows how I react ... I wish I could change n I will be trying to do something for myself I'm 31 this month I'm not a teenager ... It's just been hard especially when I'm so loving and shoe my emotions and he isn't .. I have never been with some that am doesn't show that..... Link to comment
bulletproof Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 Being in a five year previous abusive relationship has made me the way I am ... You cannot blame the past for how you behave now. It might be one of the contributing factors, but it's not a good excuse. If you are that scarred from past relationships or even this current one, then you need to be out of relationships for a while and work on yourself. I also think you are naive to think the honeymoon stage should "always stay." Healthy relationships evolve over time. Link to comment
Howsie2228 Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 I'm going to try and get better. For myself.... Link to comment
weathergirl Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Thanks for all your posts and each and everyone of u I agree.... Does it sound like an obsession...? This can fall be my fault though, he's lied from the start and made insecurities worse... He says he loves me n wants a future, I know I should just take that in...... But it's always me doing everything making him feel loved... I'm the one that feels worthless all the time and alone all he cares about is money ... Grrrrr!!! Howsie, since he's a LIAR...then you need to dump him! Find another guy who doesn't lie and treats you better and does things that make YOU feel loved...and maybe then you WON'T be so insecure. Link to comment
panther Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 What did he lie to you about? Link to comment
Howsie2228 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Share Posted September 13, 2014 We'll he lied about going out... Had a gut instinct all along but still lied. Until I went through his phone and saw a msg ha! N when I confronted he still lied blantantly to my face .. N then realised he got out n came forward... Just over the years little things to him but big things to me... Like bout msgn girls or if I have something he's quick to make some excuse.. He'll deleted the history on the internet anything that he'll know I will go ape over... I really this .... I do anything n everything for him I don't ask for much but still I have to accept anything n everything... Now he's working three jobs so that's takin away our nights. If I don't like it then he's tells me to off... Link to comment
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