HELP

[Stars]

Im terribly confused and scared...

I have a bf, we have been together for 8 months now. He is such an amazing guy, the thing is that when we first started dating I wasnt really attracted to him. But I accepted to go out with him and I felt we moved fast, and I told him. So time passed and I never mentioned the topic again, even though for some moments I felt I wasnt truly happy. Don't get me wrong, he is great.

 

Now a couple of days after xmas I met a guy online, at a site about games and such. Ofcourse full of boys, so one day a member of the board and I got into an argument. So I emailed the owner of the site and we talke online, and got the issue solved. Well the owener if the site is 21 and we have been talking everynight, and we have alot in common. But the thing is he feels alot for me than I do, to him this was all meant to be. Because he has never met a girl like me he says, and the odds of finding a girl in a boy site that he created is crazy. He also tells me that im perfect for him, and I am all he wanted.

 

Now Im here confused, I have a bf and a guy on the other side telling me he loves me. I feel torned apart, I dunno what to think... Im not head over heels for either one, but my bf bores me somethimes (but i do care for him) and this new guy I like and care alot but I cant call it 'the one'.

 

Im not sure if I should stick with my current bf (who lives 4 hrs away from here) or get to know more this guy of the site who lives in pennsilvania. Im in the south, so distance is an issue with both, but the thing is im so confused. What is real love feel like? Like when you truly love a person, are you head over heels for them? I dont want to make a great mistake, I dont wanna leave one and it turns out that he was the best for me. Im jsut scared of lossing what could be the man of my life, or maybe lose a great friend.. PLEASE HELP ME !!!

[annie24]

Hi Stars - It sounds like you have 2 separate issues going on here. First, you don't really know the online guy. Reading your post, it seems that you have never actually met in person. That's crucial for a relationship. It's really easy to meet someone online, and to build them up in your head, and then when you meet them in real life, they are nothing like your fantasy. Do you really want to sacrifice your relationship with your real life boyfriend for an online chat buddy?

 

As for your boyfriend, I don't know what to tell you. I think all I can tell about being in love is that you're not wondering what love feels like. Only you know if this guy is right for you and you want to continue this relationship with him.

 

Best wishes!

Annie

[Stars]

yea, I havent met the online guy in person. All we have done is talk on the phone everynight for hours.. but I was wondering what if he is just infatuated with me rather than love cuz of the distance. I just dont want to hurt nobody, and I got myself in such a mess..

And my current bf, well I care for him.. but when we spend time, i dont feel head over heels, and im not that physically attracted to him. Sometimes i feel like im fakin laughing and such..

I just dont know what to do..

[Alabama]

You've been with your boyfriend a long time I'm sure. Much longer than this guy who you met and have talked online. You know your boyfriend more, and this guy that lives in Pennsylvania. Be careful who decide to go for...are you willing to throw away 8 months of a relationship for a person you've chatted with? Decide which is more important. It's up to you. Good luck!

[ShySoul]

First thing to think about is how much do you care for your boyfriend. It sounds like you aren't all that happy in the relationship but want to make things work. That's good and its worth the effort to see if you should be together. But you also need to listen to your heart. Take some time to think about and talk things over worth him. See if you can work through whatever problems you may be having. If you still don't feel like its working, then its best to end things. You can care about someone and they can be a great guy but that doesn't mean you are right for each other and you shouldn't stay in a relationship that you don't feel is working out.

 

As for the guy online, how well do you really know him? I agree, it's best to be cautious and take things slow. You are already in a relationship and shouldn't be pursuing anyone else. Focus on the relationship you are in first. While you are working on that, you can get to know the other guy better. Tell him that you like talking to him but that it can't be anything more at the moment because you already have a boyfriend. He should respect that. If things don't work out with the boyfriend and you and this guy are still getting along well then you can see if anything is there. Still, be cautious.

[Stars]

we have no problems really, just the distance. but we visit eachother so its cool. its just that when im with him, i dont feel all that happy..

[ShySoul]

If you are not happy then maybe that's your hearts way of telling you that the relationship just isn't working. Sometimes there isn't any major problem that ends a relationship. Instead the spark that you had sort of goes away. If you were meant to be together you wouldn't be feeling unhappy. If there is no problem that you can think of then maybe it's just that you don't feel that spark anymore. Maybe you two need to find away to reignite that spark. Or maybe the two of you are better off as just friends?

[Alabama]

If your truly not happy with your boyfriend, then you know the answer...Good luck!

[Stars]

I just feel like a horrible person when i think about ending things with my bf...

It's horrible knowing ill brake his heart, that hes gonna hate me. His family who consider me their daughter in law already will hate me! I just feel like im worthless and cause no good.. Its a horrible thing, he loves me and I go and end things. It just makes me sick to my stomach cuz I would tell him that I wouldnt cheat, and I got upset when his parents didnt trust me at all in the beging.. and now im here thinking about if im truly happy, or should I just stay with him. Cuz it is convenient, he lives here and hes supper smart. He's in Calculus 3 and he's in Engineering school.. haha money for me jk!.. But yea, he's willing to move up here and Im talking to this other guy behind his back, and its just aahhggrr.. Cuz I like the other guy, but theres no "in love", but he believes im so the right one for him. That evrything i believe iin he finds it amazing, and he says theres potential for a big love. But its the distance right now that ruins things, and he's so sweet.. even though he has his flaws. I dunno what to do this guy I talk to on the phone is just so into me, Im into him but not like he is. He says he feels something he cant explain.. Im so confused and stressed out..

[ShySoul]

You are not a horrible person. The fact that you are so concerned about hurting your boyfriend goes to show that you care about him and are a good person. But sometimes you have to think about yourself and do what makes you feel happy, what you know is right for you. If the relationship isn't working then it is better to end it now then let things drag on when your hearts not really into it. Being smart and convenient isn't reasons for staying with someone. You should stay with someone because you love them and they make you happy. If your not feeling that connection, it isn't wise to stay. Sure, your boyfriend may feel hurt. But if you have a serious talk with him and tell him how you are feeling then I'm sure you can come to a peaceful split.

 

You feel like you are cheating on him. But you haven't done anything with the other guy and admit that you don't love him. That's not cheating. You are doing the right thing by taking things slow with him and just getting to know him. If you like talking to this guy, talk to him. But make it clear that you don't have any of those feelings for him right now. Say you want to be friends right now and you'll see what happens.

 

And if your feeling stressed out about this, I'd suggest doing something fun for awhile and just taking your mind off of the situation. Clear your head a bit. Then come back to it refreashed. Really, you are not a bad person you are just in a confusing and rough spot. Follow your heart, you'll do the right thing.