GF and I broke up after 2 1/2 years together

[Live-N-Learn]

I came to this site back in March of 2010 after being devastated with a breakup. I did everything wrong post BU. I begged, called, bargained, stalked, etc. You get the idea. I was miserable and really had no idea how to deal with it. I spent a lot of time on this site reading and getting advice. I went and worked on myself, I joined a 12 step program to work through my issues, I volunteered, I exercised, I raised my game so that I could attract healthier friends which I have to this day.

 

My most current gf and I were together for 2 1/2 years and called it quits recently. It was mostly amicable due to it being an LDR and neither of us being able to move. Unfortunately, the BU still has triggered some old issues I have with abandonment, self worth and self esteem. In the past I would have acted out in unhealthy ways to numb the pain. I am proud to say, I have not groveled, begged, pleaded or any such activity that would cause me to lose my self respect and start down the incremental downward spiral of death. In addition, I have been able to manage my feelings without turning to self destructive activities to numb out.

 

This for me is a great accomplishment and measurement to judge my growth. I guess I just want ppl to know that your pain is not in vain, at least it wasn't for me. If I had not gone through it with the ex that brought me here, I would not have been able to deal with this most recent BU in that way that I have.

 

Best of luck in your healing,

LNL

[mhowe]

Good for you!

[Jehst1987]

Well done! Good for you!

[Oman0123]

Thank you for posting this. My gf just broke up with me after 5 years a couple days ago and I'm really struggling. Feels like somebody is strangling my heart with a piano wire. I've lost 10 lbs since Friday. I was okay about keeping my dignity. Could have done better though. I haven't contacted her in the last 3 days. I'm waiting at least a week to contact her. Everything happened so quickly that I hope she is just angry.

 

If you read the thread I posted I've been in a few long term relationships but this one was different. This is a much more deeper hurt. We gave each other everything. Even the night of our argument she told somebody I was pretty much her husband. The whole situation is just so crazy and avoidable it kills me.

[SooSad33]

Very good.

Of course no BU is too easy to handle for a while. And yes, this place IS helpful.

 

tc

[a800w]

That's amazing to hear. Good for you

[Ms Darcy]

I'm sorry to hear about your break up but I am very proud of you for how you are taking it. Hugs

[Live-N-Learn]

Well, I have to say this was a much improved relationship from the one that brought me to this site in March of 2010! Though it is over due to neither of us being able to move (LDR), I learned a lot. I received this text from her and have to admit, though I am sad it ended, it could not have ended any better IMO.

 

"You are special to me & u know it. U were my strength & support for a very long time. I know with out a doubt that with out u, I wouldn't have survived. I was heart broken about our situation. I also knew towards the end where it was heading. I feel that there is nothing else to do but to move on. I miss talking to u all the time, but it seems less painful when we don't. That doesn't mean that I don't think of u every single day & pray for u & ur kids every nite. This is our situation. We didn't break up bc we didn't love each other or bc something bad happened. It's purely bc of our circumstance. As much as it hurts me, I am ok with that. I wouldn't be be able to handle us not being together if it ended ANY other way. I hope u believe what I'm telling u. I will always love u & never forget what u did for me. I do want to remain friends, but talking as often as we did before hurts & makes me sad. I am always going to be here for u & know you r for me also. I don't want u out of my life."

 

Not that I needed it but this gave me an extra degree of closure. I doubt I will be initiating any future contact with her, but will most likely respond if she texts and asks how I am doing. I will keep it light and short. We have only had contact 3 times in the past 6 weeks. I am doing my best to deal with the loss. I have to admit it is still hard even if it was amicable. I just have to believe she was brought into my life for a season and a reason, but not for life.