Am I overreacting?

[NymphaeaLilly]

Two days ago tenant who lives in apartment next to mine came to give me the rent (my grandma owns few apartments and I collect the rent). We ended up chatting for over 15 minutes in front of my apartment. When he started to leave he told me to come over for coffee next morning, I said sure and he told me to come over at 9am.

He (32 y/o) lives with his wife (she's the one who always comes to give me the rent) and their two toddlers and they've been our tenants over 2 years. They seem like a really nice people and they've been great tenants. But I've never been to their apartment before and we only talk when they come to give me the rent, if we meet on the stairs we just say Hi to each other.

 

So next morning (yesterday) I've barely been out of bed when he rings my door with his two children (they are twins). I told them I'm still in my PJs and I'll come.

 

I expected his wife to be there but she wasn't and he didn't even explain where she was. It automatically made me uncomfortable. But he made coffee and we chatted for an hour. We mostly talked about family life (his kids, my bf of over 8.5 years, he talked about how many of his friends were getting divorced, how he was cheated on by a long-term gf etc.) nothing inappropriate but it still left a sour taste in my mouth.

I don't know why but I really didn't like it being there without his wife or my bf. Do you think I'm overreacting?

[SpottiOtti]

Nope. I wouldn't have liked it either.

[panther]

Try not to go again. Besides you not knowing his intentions, you don't want to mix business with friendships. Next thing you know, he is late with the rent and is asking you a favour by allowing them to pay later.

Or if his wife doesn't know and then finds out, she might get upset.

[blueidealist24]

I think it was kinda weird that his wife wasn't there. It might have not meant anything but he might have been hitting on you a bit.. well, not hitting on you but trying to get to know you better in consideration of doing that later, maybe.

[ParisPaulette]

You are being incredibly naive and setting yourself up for a world of hurt or even a potentially dangerous situation. You should have said, "Oh, I see your wife isn't here. I always make it a policy to never go into a home without all the tenants present." Then you turn around and walk out. Being "nice" like that really does no one any favors and it puts you at risk of multiple things, yes even if the guy has his kids there. Some people have really low morals about that and obviously he doesn't think the kids will tattle, because come on otherwise why would he do that? Listen to your intuition here and tell this guy no from here on out. No explanations, no letting him down easy with "you seem like a nice guy, but...." or "well, if I can get by there...." or "maybe some other day..." or anything at all that he can, in his own head, twist to mean "she likes me and wants something with me," because that's what he has already mistaken your polite friendliness for.

 

Shut him down hard, now. And learn that when you go somewhere and a situation seems wrong you are far, far better off to turn around and simply walk out then shoving your own intuition down and telling yourself, "Maybe this isn't what it looks and feels like." You don't have to a jerk and call him names or anything like that, but a firm "No" and "I said NO" are all you can and should do before this turns into a situation that gets really ugly. Sure he may be miffed, he may even whine about how mean you are. And it's actually not your job to care about anything else but keeping this from being a potential stalker/getting assaulted/him falsely reporting you came on to him to the wife situation OR him expecting special favors, because now "you're pals."

 

Also can I just say my sister runs an apartment complex. She learned long ago to be very professional and nice, but not allow tenants to suck her into anything personal. No, not even for coffee, because one for one those tenants that did started expecting personal favors including being allowed to be late with rent, because "we're friends now." So now she politely declines all invitations for any activity not related to tenant/landlord/manager with a firm, "I can't, but thanks." She also makes it a hard fast rule to not engage anyone beyond work talk. "Please get your rent in on time." "Does anything need fixing" "How is the neighbor upstairs since you asked me to handle the noise?" She's polite, brisk and that's that after having three different incidents with tenants turn nasty/ugly after her being nice and socializing with them.

 

You would be really smart to do the same and tell your grandmother what's going on with this particular tenant and ask her to intervene if he tries to escalate.

[catfeeder]

Just go back to saying 'Hi' and being too busy to socialize. If he ever invites you again, just say, "I'll need to take a raincheck, and I look forward to seeing Mrs. WhatsTheirName also."