My Situation

[Fame1977]

I have other posts on here about my breakup. I can provide a quick summary.

 

I dated her for a year and a half. We were great friends before that, and had immediate chemistry after. Around Nov 2013, she began spending less and less time with me. She broke up with me on NYE. After the break up, it became clear that she was spending time with her ex. Her and him have a history together and have broken up and got back together before. This time, however, she was dating me.

 

Being as she was a great friend, and quite honestly, my best friend, I did the opposite of what I should have done and remained in contact with her. There were times that yes, I asked her about us getting back together. That sort of dwindled down the line, with a few small instances of slip up where I said that. And instances of me saying I missed her. There were times that she would not directly say she missed me, but would bring up things we did in the past, and say it made her sad. I would state I missed it too.

 

This brings us to now. Right before the July 4th holiday, her missing me things were getting more frequent, and she went with me to my family reunion, also bringing up she wished she was going to be there, and I did the same, because, really I did. On July 3, the guy she was seeing after me messaged me on FB, saying some stuff. (really don't want to mention what it was and honestly, I've never met him and so I did not know you could message someone who you aren't FB friends with) This upset me like big time. It came at a time where there was a death in the family, and my car was on the rocks, and basically I was feeling rough that day. I told my ex, that I would leave her alone and didn't want to cause any trouble for her. And explained what happened. But she got upset and said she didn't want that. And she didn't want me to leave her alone. She then continued on saying that she wasn't seeing the guy anymore, and she was sorry that it happened. She told me the guy threatened to ruin our friendship several times, and was really jealous of me. I'm not saying that keeping contact was the best idea, but I have not seen her since last December. So yes, part of me feels bad, but at the same time, he saw her when we were dating so I do not feel that bad.

 

She has since apologized several times over, and said it was a huge mistake. Since this has happened, she seems to say she misses me a lot. (possible bread crumbs, I know) We have a joke that I used a Thor hammer to take down the walls she has, because she had been in a really terrible relationship before, so it's hard for her to trust someone. There was one time that she said that she missed partially because of the Thor hammer, but mostly because she misses having me in her life. Since then she has said she missed me a few times, but has also said I miss yo face. It was sort of our way to say we missed each other when we were dating. Since then we both have said we missed each other, and I have also tried to see her by suggesting things we could do, not super awkward, but just to see each other and see what happens. It's mostly been me, but then she suggested something we could do, and it wasn't me that suggested it. That only happened last week, so that is a new development. This was after I aksed a few times, which sometimes she says I will consider it and other times she said I had a good idea.

 

Which brings to me to why I'm here again. I am crazy about this girl. I know it's probably a silly thing to say. But I believe we are awesome together. And I think part of her believes that too. I was wondering what I can do to get her to see me. From what I gather, there was other things she said as well, it seems she wants to see me too. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can get her to see me? Is it possible I'm coming on too strong (meaning I think she may know what I want, basically her) She has said that what if I don't like her later on in life, then she would lose me all together. I don't know how to take that, as a breadcrumb, or she means it. Please help me, I'm not really sure what to do. Obviously, I'm going to stay friends with her, but I want more. Should I back off, or what? Please help.

[mhowe]

She can't miss you if you don't go away. And there seems to be a lot of missing but no effort to change it. So stop hanging around. Seriously.

[beingawesome]

You shouldn't be friends with her if you want more, because it's apparent that she's not interested. Missing someone isn't the same as wanting to be with someone.

[Fame1977]

She has stated that she wants to see me. Although I guess since definite plans aren't in place, it may be breadcrumbs. I don't know. It's probably harder for me to let go, since she really is my best friend.

 

Things happened too, like, she went to an amusement park the other day, saying she wished I was there...but I couldn't fall asleep until I knew she got home safe. I didn't say this to her, but it happened. Then without me asking, she texted me telling me got home safe. She has been saying things too, like we need this game instead of she's buying the game, you need to come to play this game with me, more so than usual. Or we need to have a movie marathon.

 

Maybe it's all just crazy. I'm sure I sound it.

[mhowe]

It is breadcrumbs. And using you to fill the gap until she finds someone to date.

 

Disappear.

[beingawesome]

Sounds like she's treating you as a best friend too, because she is under the impression that you guys are just friends. I'm best friends with my ex, and we still reminisce about things that happened when we were together and are in constant contact, but that doesn't mean we want to (or even could) go back to a relationship.

[SooSad33]

" I'm going to stay friends with her, but I want more. Should I back off, or what?"

- It's almost impossible to be 'friends' with someone you still have those 'feelings' for. I think you should back off, because this seems like nothing more than, yes, breadcrumbs. Little nothings...

 

"We have a joke that I used a Thor hammer to take down the walls she has, because she had been in a really terrible relationship before, so it's hard for her to trust someone. There was one time that she said that she missed partially because of the Thor hammer, but mostly because she misses having me in her life. Since then she has said she missed me a few times, but has also said I miss yo face. It was sort of our way to say we missed each other when we were dating. Since then we both have said we missed each other, and I have also tried to see her by suggesting things we could do, not super awkward, but just to see each other and see what happens. It's mostly been me,"

- I don't think you're going to get far. She has a history and from what I see, she sounds rather Unstable.

She's mixed up about a lot. Between your relationship with her and then her Ex is still on the horizon too.

 

>>"I dated her for a year and a half. We were great friends before that, and had immediate chemistry after. Around Nov 2013, she began spending less and less time with me. She broke up with me on NYE. After the break up, it became clear that she was spending time with her ex. Her and him have a history together and have broken up and got back together before. This time, however, she was dating me. "

 

It's best you don't pursue her. She needs to down time and to get herself more stable in life. mentally & emotionally.

One cannot move on into a relationship until they've dealt with their issues and are grounded & happy with themselves, etc.

[Ms Darcy]

You two are friends. If you want something other than friendship, you need to make that clear to her and back off.

[thekid55]

She has stated that she wants to see me. Although I guess since definite plans aren't in place, it may be breadcrumbs. I don't know. It's probably harder for me to let go, since she really is my best friend.

 

Things happened too, like, she went to an amusement park the other day, saying she wished I was there...but I couldn't fall asleep until I knew she got home safe. I didn't say this to her, but it happened. Then without me asking, she texted me telling me got home safe. She has been saying things too, like we need this game instead of she's buying the game, you need to come to play this game with me, more so than usual. Or we need to have a movie marathon.

 

Maybe it's all just crazy. I'm sure I sound it.

 

Remember, women are emotional creatures. A lot of younger women have fleeting, emotional feelings. I bolded all of those comment above that support that assertion. She feels comfort when you respond to her messages. She's getting the best of both world: not being in a relationship and using you as a crutch.

 

I was in your shoes a few years ago. The best advice I can give you is: stay busy. Stay busy with your own life and slowly, you'll stop thinking about her. Right now, you are clearly not very busy if you're focusing on her every move. She's clearly not over 'her feelings' for you, hence why she keeps texting you and sending you reminders. Give her the gift of missing you like others have mentioned above. Stay busy my friend. In fact, hit the town with some friends and meet some new people. You never know who you may meet.

 

Watch the movie 'Swingers'. You can watch it for free on YouTube. That movie put a lot of things into perspective for me when I was in your shoes..

[Fame1977]

I thought I would make some things clear.

 

I have made things clear. I think for the most part she knows that I want her back. I have made it clear, and that we don't really need to "jump in the deep end", so to speak. Just see each other and see what happens. That is where she stated that what if I didn't like her in the future and I lost her altogether. This is why I am asking if I should back off. I'm not going to stop talking to her. It hasn't happened in 6 years, and probably won't happen soon. My confusion lies in how can I get her to see me? If they are breadcrumbs, and she's doing until the next guy, she did that already. Maybe she is doing it again. I don't know. I've suggested things we can do, to not be so awkward, and see what happens. Last week was the first time she actually suggested something we can do. I also said in the past, I don't know if you need to get over so and so, but I'd like to see you. I guess I'm asking, if I'm coming on too strong or something. That's what I would like help on. Not disappear. I see what you're saying about that, but that is not going to happen. I know it works in situations. I guess I need help, I think making my intentions too clear is coming on too strong, but playing it as if I don't want more isn't strong enough

 

I have been busy. I do the things I like. I hang with family. We've always been friends. And she tells me what she's up to. I don't exactly hang on her every move. I'm not going to pretend I don't miss her.

 

She's my age, BTW, 37. And I've seen Swingers 4000 times. I own it.

[Fame1977]

It wouldn't let me edit. But I also wanted to add that I know break ups and getting back together does work. My mother and step dad did, saw other people, and got back together after about 8 months to a year ( I don't know the exact time frame, I was younger) and they ended up happily married.

[Fame1977]

I've also read on other posts, that one of the things that happen that can get exes back is the dumper admitting it was a huge mistake. Which she has. And I said well you said you needed a break from me. And she said I didn't need a break from me and I was a great bf. So, this is why I'm asking for help to see what I can say or do to get the ball rolling so to speak to see her.

[beingawesome]

The only way two people can get back together is if BOTH of them want to get back together and then follow through with action. If she doesn't have the same motivation and isn't willing to put forth any effort then it doesn't matter. A relationship is a PARTNERSHIP. And if she doesn't want to work together and be a partner, then there is N O T H I N G you can do to change that.

 

You cannot control or influence another human being who has free will. If you can't understand that, you shouldn't be in a relationship at all.