I broke down

[star554]

Just when I thought I was going to be okay, I just broke down. The images of seeing him with that other girl in his bed after just 1 week of breaking up... I thought it was enough to remind me that there is no going back. The pure indifference on his face when he told me about it. The fact he admitted he had liked her for a while without any apology. The fact that he said "I'm over you." And I said, "In a week?". And he responded "That's just how I am."

 

All of it... I kept playing it in my head and broke down. How could he? When I loved him, supported him, stood by him, even trusted him... how could he? How did all our time together mean nothing? How could he...

[3Tears]

Its okay, we've all been through the same thing. I have multiple times, over the same girl too!

 

Just hang in there, I think this has been over used already but times does heal all wounds, keep giving it time, keep the NC, keep working on yourself.

 

I think the best vengeance against a male dumper is getting into shape, look the hottest you can, guys are all about the looks of a girl, if you show him the new hot you he'll regret it HARD.

[Brotherhood67]

How long did you two stick together ?

[star554]

We were together for about 8 months before this break up. But on/off has lasted about 4.5 years.

[Marlee]

I hear you star. I am so in the same boat. How long since you broke up?

 

And 3tears, that is probably the most depressing thing I have ever heard. All about the looks...? Please tell me it isn't so. Hard enough to be dumped, but to think that it would have to do with new girl just being physically more attractive is just plain sad. I am all for looking your best to feel good about yourself, but not in order to get back at some guy.

[3Tears]

I hear you star. I am so in the same boat. How long since you broke up?

 

And 3tears, that is probably the most depressing thing I have ever heard. All about the looks...? Please tell me it isn't so. Hard enough to be dumped, but to think that it would have to do with new girl just being physically more attractive is just plain sad. I am all for looking your best to feel good about yourself, but not in order to get back at some guy.

 

The first thing that attracts a man to a women is looks, yes.

 

and of course getting fit is ALL about you and to make you feel good, but a good motivation to start working out and getting fit is that.

[AutumnBorn]

3Tears is right. For many men, it's all about looks. I look great and my ex is eating his heart out.

 

Marlee, it is about feeling your best and shouldn't be about getting a guy back. It just so happens, often, it just happens that they're re-attracted when you look "fresh".

 

Star, everyone does the best they can with what they know from their personal experience and history. We do what works for us. Unless we're evil, we don't mean harm to others - it's a byproduct and rarely intentional. He did what he did because he didn't know a better way.

[PaintWithLight]

Star we have all been there. And you received some great advice on the other multiple threads that you started about this clown. You really need to watch your own internal dialog because he broke up with you but you are reliving it over and over. In a sense, you are giving your mind new painful experiences by playing the break up over and over. You must stop reopening this wound and let it heal. He was a jerk and you refused to see the truth for so long. Now that he has left you, why are you giving him even more of your time and energy?

 

You did not actually see the other woman in his bed, correct? I do not think he even let you inside his door. What color hair does she have? I only point this out because you are self-creating this imagine in your mind from information you gathered by stopping by his place unannounced after he broke with you. You are continuing to frame things in a negative manner: 'our time together meant so little to him'. Again, you cannot presume to know his thoughts.

 

You allowed yourself to extend a toxic relationship over many years and now you seem too codependent to realize that getting him out of your life is a good thing! Look ahead to your positive options instead of continuing to feed your mind negative images and having a pity party. Listen to the advice on ENA, we know these actions will only postpone your healing.

[newgirlhere]

What you will eventually realize when you are pulled out of this more (and you will be, give yourself time), is that these are precisely the reasons this man is wrong for you and always was. And think about it this way: He's capable of 'getting over you' (yeah, right), in one week because that's just how he is? Wow, awesome, let me be the next in line to date him and have him do the same thing to me! He will do this to any woman. There will always be someone else out there to entice him. He will never stay happy with any one woman, and sounds like he has a ton of issues with commitment and emotional availability...

 

But it doesn't matter what he is doing, did, or thinks. What matters is -- anyone who can hurt you this much is wrong. The stronger the pain, the clearer the decision. Make the decision now to end this. Yes, it's already over, but you take your own power back now and end it for YOU. Tell yourself this isn't what you want. Anytime you miss him, remember what he did to you. This woman isn't lucky. She didn't win him. You were set free from a man who was cruel with your love and you're now free to find a man who will cherish it.

[star554]

PaintWithLight - I'm honestly doing the best I can, trying to take advice. But I think emotions do get the best of me. I'm doing a lot better than I have in the past, esp considering I haven't attempted to make contact which is huge for me. And you're right, I didn't see her... I'm more recreating what was just beyond a window... and hopefully, I can stop! Sooner than later because I really do want to be over it, I don't want him back or prove anything to him. This time, there's no going back. It really is over.

 

AutumnBorn - I hear you. But I kinda wanna believe he's evil... that he wanted to hurt me and not because I was lacking in some way.

 

3Tears - I've been hitting the gym regularly; it's becoming kind of an obsession actually. I don't want to think that it has anything to do with him but in all honesty it does. I don't want him back, but I want him to see a glimpse of what he missed. I don't know if thats wrong or right... it's just how I feel.

 

Marlee - It'll be two weeks tmr since we officially broke up. But we slept together last Saturday lol... big mistake. I'm sorry if you're also going through something like this because it really sucks, doesn't it? It almost doesn't feel like it's fair thinking that he forgot abt me so quickly; whereas, here I am, two weeks later (one week?), still thinking about him.

[strongandweak]

I'm going through the same deal, keep imagining her with her new guy, picturing them in bed together etc... I can't help it, I'm involuntarily torturing myself. I've been angry and miserable since things blew up, but I finally completely broke down the other day while drunk. I don't really have any advice, just chiming in to let you know there are others here in the same boat, and we'll all get through this together.

[spazmy]

It will pass. Hang in there. People say they forget. But unless they are absolutely inhuman they do not forget. That being said, keep reminding yourself would you want such a person in your life? He does not seem worth it. Sometimes we have to see such worthless (not evil but generally worthless) people to realize what worth is all about.

[Ms Darcy]

In a sense, you are giving your mind new painful experiences by playing the break up over and over. You must stop reopening this wound and let it heal. He was a jerk and you refused to see the truth for so long. Now that he has left you, why are you giving him even more of your time and energy?

 

I agree and went back to read your older threads.

 

I think someone can only use you once. But when he comes back for fwbs over and over again, and you fall for it over and over again, then at some point it's "you teach people how to treat you." You have taught him to treat you like a one night stand. If you want to be more than that, then you have to think of yourself as more than that. And that means you have to love yourself more than you think you love him.

 

I'm not sure you know how to love yourself yet. I'd suggest you consider starting some therapy and meditation/yoga to help you calm your mind a little bit.

[freadrik]

Star554,

 

Hello, I am sorry you are going through this pain. But I have to say you are actually quite lucky. You see, this miserable POS could have strung you along EVEN further. You have just dodged a bullet that while it wounded you, could have killed you. Your EX is a sociopath. I am sorry if that offends some, but there is no other word to describe a "human" who could inflict such pain on another with no remorse. While you are going to be doing a lot of replaying of events in your head, as your rational mind tries to grapple with the irrational and absolutely disgusting behavior of someone you loved and trusted, please remember YOU ARE NOT GUILTY. I hope you take some time out for the most important person in this world to you, who happens to be you, to reflect on how you became involved with this individual and make sure you take steps to make sure you avoid these vampires in the future. Chin up, beautiful! You deserve a man who would never even think of doing such a dastardly thing to you. Be strong and my prayers are with you!

[Marlee]

You did the best you could. He was unkind. Have faith that you will find someone who treats you sooo much better.