Expressing Unpopular Views

[Man with Dog]

I will not refer to the discussion in question.

 

I generally try to be as helpful and sympathetic as I can and try to be objective and remove any personal bias. I sometimes quote experiences I've had as an example but try to avoid my naturally narcisstic inclination.

 

However, some of my personal opinions are not popular. For example, I did not vote for David Cameron to be Prime Minister in the UK but do not blame him for many of the things that have gone wrong. The popular opinion seems to be to bash whoever is in power when things are bad and vote for the opposition and re-elect the government when things are going well, even if they did little to deserve it.

 

I have a tendency not to mention strong beliefs in normal conversation but will express my opinion if someone else mentions them or strongly expresses the opposite.

 

In a work environment, politics and religion are usually taboo subjects but is it generally better to shut up of one's opinion is less than "mainstream"?

[Seraphim]

There are rules on ENA. Politics, religion and advocating crimes are not going to be allowed. Discussing religion and politics leads to flaming and disrespect that is why those are not allowed to be discussed. And advocating crimes well that's just common sense that that should not be promoted.

[autumnsun]

In a work environment, politics and religion are usually taboo subjects but is it generally better to shut up of one's opinion is less than "mainstream"?

 

Knowing what discussion you are referring to, and thus giving that initial topic some underlying precedence, it's surprising that someone of your age and experience would even have to ask that question.

[hurtinheart]

Served.

 

......

[mhowe]

In the work environment --- politics and religion are generally taboo.

 

I actually will not discuss politics or religion with my friends --- I find that most people outside of the college environment are not interested in intellectual discussions around this topic and their beliefs are firmly entrenched. I find no need to defend my views on either topic, nor convert anyone to my way

of thinking.

 

I have had to tell one particular girl friend that I will not discuss these topics with her on multiple occasions. And when others are having these discussions, I simply to not participate.

[PaintWithLight]

I think at work, the goal would be to keep your private life, left of center opinions, favorite conspiracy theory, etc. as close to the vest as possible. It is not about having to conform to the "mainstream", it is about how to avoid being labeled the office kook.

[lavenderdove]

You're on a website that does not support any discussions of politics, religion, or violence against individuals or animals.

 

So don't try to go there.

[Man with Dog]

Knowing what discussion you are referring to, and thus giving that initial topic some underlying precedence, it's surprising that someone of your age and experience would even have to ask that question.

 

I guess some of my personal opinions may well be rooted in the generation and social class I come from. Fortunately, they are pretty much in tune with my wife's.

 

I respect the fact that many people here may not share some of my views on relationships. For me there are many things that are not necessarily right or wrong, like how many hours a day someone spends online or how many times per week they go out with friends. The most important thing is to be on the same page on most things.

[Man with Dog]

In the work environment --- politics and religion are generally taboo.

 

I actually will not discuss politics or religion with my friends --- I find that most people outside of the college environment are not interested in intellectual discussions around this topic and their beliefs are firmly entrenched. I find no need to defend my views on either topic, nor convert anyone to my way

of thinking.

 

I have had to tell one particular girl friend that I will not discuss these topics with her on multiple occasions. And when others are having these discussions, I simply to not participate.

 

There are some people I'm happy to discuss these topics with, even if their opinions are different. The only "rule" is that we respect each others' opinions.

 

I've learned the hard way that many things are best kept away from the workplace. I play my cards very close to my chest these days.

[blueidealist24]

When you're out with friends or in a purely social setting I don't think there's anything wrong with expressing unpopular views, although expect people to argue or at least disagree with you. At work you should probably keep those opinions to a minimum, especially when it comes to religion or politics. Of course, if a coworker asks you your views, you might feel obligated to answer. It's never happened but if a coworker were to start a religion/politics argument with me and I didn't want to participate, I would say I had a lot of tasks to complete and go back to working on my computer or cash register or whatever.

[Fudgie]

I actually kind of like expressing unpopular views. Okay, not at work or anything like that, but with friends/family? Yes, it's fun.

 

Just be prepared for disagreement.

[blueidealist24]

I actually kind of like expressing unpopular views. Okay, not at work or anything like that, but with friends/family? Yes, it's fun.

 

Just be prepared for disagreement.

 

It can be fun, especially if they get shocked looks on their faces..

[Man with Dog]

A recent example of where my view isn't popular is related to contact with exes. It seems that many people are in some sort of contact with exes, even if it is electronic, rather than in person. Whilst I occasionally feel curious about what exes are doing, I have no wish to have any contact with any of my exes. For one thing, I've never had one of those relationships that end where both naturally say that their feelings have changed. In all cases, I've been dumped ot been the dumper and the split has never been mutual. With one exception, I have never been friends with an ex for a long time before getting together.

 

I can get that people might wish to exchange messages with an ex if the split was mutual and there was no acrimony but I can also see that many partners are worried that people are staying in contact with an ex as an intention to get back with them or cheat on their current partner with them.

 

I was quite surprised that one of my daughter's friends insisted that her boyfriend blocked one of his exes on social media, so maybe it's not a "generation" thing after all!

[blueidealist24]

I think people who are in really frequent contact with exes are probably harbouring some hope of getting back together with them someday, unless they were really, really good friends with the ex since childhood or something. I actually don't know that many people who are married or in a very committed relationship with someone who talk to their exes regularly, unless they have kids with them and need to for that reason.

[Man with Dog]

I think people who are in really frequent contact with exes are probably harbouring some hope of getting back together with them someday, unless they were really, really good friends with the ex since childhood or something. I actually don't know that many people who are married or in a very committed relationship with someone who talk to their exes regularly, unless they have kids with them and need to for that reason.

 

Like you, I tend to question the motives of why someone would want to remain in contact with an ex but then it seems to be a minority opinion.

[Man with Dog]

Another minority view I hold is concerning "breaks". I have never done them and would not recommend one. I've heard so many stories on messageboards and on reality TV about the aftermath of them. One opinion is that it's OK to have sex with someone else while on a break. No, it's not! It is still cheating. If couples must insist on these breaks, the rules should be:

 

1. A time limit, no more than about 6-8 weeks. If either of the partners are not willing to commit to the relationship long-term, it's over

2. Nobody should do anything that would jeopardise the relationship if they decided to get back together. The obvious one is cheating

 

I've never heard of anyone having a "break" and then going on to reunite and have a successful relationship afterwards.

[blueidealist24]

Another minority view I hold is concerning "breaks". I have never done them and would not recommend one. I've heard so many stories on messageboards and on reality TV about the aftermath of them. One opinion is that it's OK to have sex with someone else while on a break. No, it's not! It is still cheating. If couples must insist on these breaks, the rules should be:

 

1. A time limit, no more than about 6-8 weeks. If either of the partners are not willing to commit to the relationship long-term, it's over

2. Nobody should do anything that would jeopardise the relationship if they decided to get back together. The obvious one is cheating

 

I've never heard of anyone having a "break" and then going on to reunite and have a successful relationship afterwards.

 

I agree with that too. If you need a break, you should break up. If you get back together later fine, but it should be a totally clean break which = a breakup, not a break with an intent of returning once one's wild oats or whatever are out of one's system.

[Man with Dog]

I agree with that too. If you need a break, you should break up. If you get back together later fine, but it should be a totally clean break which = a breakup, not a break with an intent of returning once one's wild oats or whatever are out of one's system.

 

I'm convinced may people seek these "breaks" to have sex with someone else and/or see if they have a future with them while keeping their current partner waiting in limbo.

 

My ex wife once asked for a "trial separation" and I mentioned that she would have to agree to preconditions. She didn't so I gave her the choice of staying or breaking for good. She "stayed" but I discovered later she had emotionally left. So does this suggest that if anyone asks for a break (unless it's related to study/exams, etc) you should dump them?

[Lito]

I'm convinced may people seek these "breaks" to have sex with someone else and/or see if they have a future with them while keeping their current partner waiting in limbo.

 

My ex wife once asked for a "trial separation" and I mentioned that she would have to agree to preconditions. She didn't so I gave her the choice of staying or breaking for good. She "stayed" but I discovered later she had emotionally left. So does this suggest that if anyone asks for a break (unless it's related to study/exams, etc) you should dump them?

 

well, if you are convinced, why do you even ask?...

 

On the other hand, 'many' is not EVERYone...

 

I personally feel/think each situation is specific and am weary of cookie-cutter answers.

[Man with Dog]

well, if you are convinced, why do you even ask?...

 

On the other hand, 'many' is not EVERYone...

 

I personally feel/think each situation is specific and am weary of cookie-cutter answers.

 

I get that not everyone is the same and that one size doesn't fit all but I fail to see how these "breaks" can actually help a relationship. I can see how some may work, such as "I'm off until you quite drugs". This thing of taking breaks seems to be a modern phenomenon and I wonder what the reasons for having them really is.

[lavenderdove]

>>A recent example of where my view isn't popular is related to contact with exes.

 

Why do you care whether your view/opinion is popular or not? The beauty of this board is that anyone can express an opinion, and they are all opinions, though some are more based on research or more likely to help someone than other opinions are. But everyone is different, and no one opinion needs to 'win' or be more popular than others. The OP may read all opinions and only one out of 10 may strike a chord with the OP, but someone else reading an opinion may find a different opinion valuable.

 

So it's not a high school contest here to see what (or who) is most popular.

[Man with Dog]

>>A recent example of where my view isn't popular is related to contact with exes.

 

Why do you care whether your view/opinion is popular or not? The beauty of this board is that anyone can express an opinion, and they are all opinions, though some are more based on research or more likely to help someone than other opinions are. But everyone is different, and no one opinion needs to 'win' or be more popular than others. The OP may read all opinions and only one out of 10 may strike a chord with the OP, but someone else reading an opinion may find a different opinion valuable.

 

So it's not a high school contest here to see what (or who) is most popular.

 

I don't expect my views to be popular and I know that at least one of them isn't. For one thing, I'm quite possibly the oldest frequent contributor on here and am British. That doesn't make me any better or worse than anyone else but just different. I also respect other peoples' opinions, unless they are insulting towards someone. It might be tempting to say someone is "stupid for not leaving their partner" but it is not up to us or even "experts" it is up to the person concerned.

 

I try to be helpful and try not to let my own perspective cloud the issue. I have a natural tendency to be against cheaters and sympathise with the cheatee but agree that sometimes good people do bad things, especially if they are immature. I've done my own bad things.

 

I think it really does help for someone to get more than one perspective, so I don't see having different opinions is such a bad thing.

 

As for being "popular", it isn't really an issue. If people find my advice and sympathy helpful, then great. If not, well at least I've been honest and tried.

 

Incidentally on a reality TV show, there was another big argument between a couple because of what they did on a break.

[Fudgie]

I doubt you are the oldest. Many people don't display their ages here but there are several frequent contributers who are 40s, 50s, and even beyond. DN, one of my favourite members (who is no longer here) was in his 60s. He was awesome.

 

Having different opinions isn't a bad thing. No one said that. All I've said is, if it's unpopular, well, prepare for people to disagree/argue. Doesn't make it bad though.

[IAmFCA]

The wonder of ENA is disparate views.

 

I sometimes say things that run counter to common wisdom. (And maybe common sense!) So what. I am me, and I do what works for me until I learn different. The most I can contribute is me.

 

The same is true for everyone else here, which is what makes this a rich forum.

 

If we all agreed, I would not be here.

 

And, in the contact with ex column... I am now having contact with ex. So, I think in that column, my response now would be untrue. Why? I don't know; it doesn't hurt, and it does engage me. Those are likely not enough reason to be exchanging emails about our lives when we have no intent on being either proper friends or illicit lovers. The emails will likely stop shortly, and then pick up again in a few months. I really don't know what is deeper about this exchange, if anything. Just playing it out.

[blueidealist24]

I'm convinced may people seek these "breaks" to have sex with someone else and/or see if they have a future with them while keeping their current partner waiting in limbo.

 

My ex wife once asked for a "trial separation" and I mentioned that she would have to agree to preconditions. She didn't so I gave her the choice of staying or breaking for good. She "stayed" but I discovered later she had emotionally left. So does this suggest that if anyone asks for a break (unless it's related to study/exams, etc) you should dump them?

 

I think I'd answer "yes" to your question, especially in light of the first thing you said, about trying things out with someone else.