Overwhelmed

[pfbsurf]

I decided to post this on the body, mind, spirit forum instead of break up one... Hopefully this is a way of actually moving on and improving.

 

I am overwhelmed, depressed, and lonely.

 

I have quit drinking (day 3) so this might be one reason i"m so agitated, but it is also day 30 after break up - and I just can't stop thinking about her. I broke up with her - she was lying and pretty sure cheating, and anyway, definitely taking me for granted. I think dumping her was the right thing to do - but man has this been hard.

 

My life seems to be coming apart. I can barely focus on my job, have really neglected my kids (they are away right now w. my ex), aren't eating right and just want to sleep.

 

I'm going to therapy, and may try ADs next week.

 

I do know that if I don't drink any more, I will eventually get my energy back. I am very worried about being alone. I used to be self confident and happy, even after my divorce.

 

At 47, I really don't know how I"m going to ever be consistently happy again.

 

Wow. I'm depressed I just feel so alone and defeated. I really havent' always been this way.

 

I'm going for a walk.

[pfbsurf]

OK. Went for a walk. Really just journaling, no questions.

 

 

But here is what I came up with.

 

All of this is related to my figuring out my "identity". Who I "am" or have been, doesn't seem to exist now. I have made some pretty drastic changes during a very stressful time, i am not sure I am anchored to anything.

 

Is this good or is it bad? It feels pretty bad right now, but on the other hand, a year or two ago, i had "pseudo self esteem" as Nathaniel Branden would describe it. I was a fun loving single Dad, surfing, dating, drinking. But I wasn't really "happy". Then. Met S, she liked what she saw, the months passed, I tried to be what she hoped I was - solid, confident, successful... I gave up my last shred of individuality to her, or at least was about to.

 

And now here I am.

 

It could be as simple as just getting some rest, setting some goals, and working more as my energy increases. My kids will be back next week - that should help. These urges to call S, to see how she's doing, I hope to God they fade. At least i"m not interested in seeing anyone else right now.

[laxdad]

Wow, I am right there with you. I almost thought i wrote the same thing.

 

GF and I are on a month space break. So that I can work on me. And get back to the man she fell in love with a little over a year ago. No

lying or cheating her. I need a back bone, my exwife has involved herself as a tick in our relationship and I feel like a puppet in on strings.

My GF wants me to get healthy mentally and physically. I hear you it is hard to get up in the morning

 

I am not drinking but can not find the energy to do anything. I feel overwhelmed, depressed, and lonely. I can not focus on my job. My kids and I are not in a good place, and currently we do not look forward to spending time with each other. I get mine for a solid week starting saturday

[pfbsurf]

well. sorry to hear that. Do you have a history of depression or drinking too much?

 

I feel like this is going to take a lot of effort, energy and time to get back to feeling good. I know that I need to be healthy for my kids and myself, but really, i just find it hard to get motivated. Its a beautiful summer so far but i can't really appreciate any of it. Not sure if its the depression, the lack of alcohol (i wasn't severe but drank every night), my job, or breaking up w/S. Some combo of all i'm sure.

 

Anyway, i am trusting that this will get better. Do you have someone you are talking with on a regular basis?

[IAmFCA]

I too am overwhelmed. I am 48, never been a drinker or addicted to anything other than an ex-bf.

 

Totally lost it last night; been depressed for months. My exH happened to call and diagnosed it in me right away. He has a history of depression and knowing me as he does, saw it clear as day.

 

His suggestion to me:

 

Do one thing, each day, one thing that gives me a sense of victory. One thing, then make it three things. Day by day. One day at a time.

 

It is working so far, Day 1.

 

Sharing in case it helps. And you know, because the company helps me, and so I hope it helps you.

[pfbsurf]

Oh man. We are a sorry lot

 

kidding of course - i think we are all here for similar reasons. Trying to make sense of things and live a productive happy life.

 

I am finding that it helps me to remember that the "bad" days I thought I was having over the last few years were actually not that bad. The fog of depression and loss of a relationship - now that is bad. So the goal should not be to be perfect, but just to initially get into a holding pattern, with slight improvements every day. The "one thing" recommendation makes total sense.

 

Don't lose hope. I was in a very very bad place last week after a few days of drinking (and after I called to break up w/ex). I never want to be like that again. I came this close to being institutionalized. And now, I'm at work, no one the wiser (except my bro and therapist).

 

I am slowly working on an action plan. Slowly. Go to work every day, pay my bills, eat right. Don't drink. Get a good nights sleep. Next week, hit the gym. Basic stuff.

 

Are you guys seeing therapists? Meds?

[pfbsurf]

ok - still journaling. Tried to actually open up a new journal thread to have somewhere to keep a daily log, but they won't let me til this drops off the first page.

 

but anyway, trying to sort all of this out. Here are the variables:

 

Work/Career (daily schedule). Drinking. Getting older. Breakup. Self esteem. Kids. Future. depression. Women.

 

These are the subjects on my mind, 24/7. Funny that i didn't write "happiness". Don't need to. If I figure out the "riddle" as my shrink refers to it, well, maybe that ends up being the prize.

 

I think that I'll journal about each subject separately to start. I'm sure I could write a book about this, and they are all woven together in one big mess.

 

This is not self indulgent or me trying to be the center of the universe. I am a mess, and without my getting to the bottom of some of this, I will only get worse.

 

Next stop, journal thread...

[SooSad33]

"I do know that if I don't drink any more, I will eventually get my energy back. I am very worried about being alone. I used to be self confident and happy, even after my divorce. "

- You will be 'happy' again, sometime in your future. Just not right now.. while you are working on 'accepting & healing' from this recent BU.

Good you've stopped your drinking because that will not help anything

 

I was going to suggest therapy, but seems you are already doing that- good. I did, for a year after my BU.

I was also put on anxiety med's. Sounds like that's what is going on with you as well. (I'm on Cipralex) and it does help 'take the edge off'...

 

Hope your walk helped.. a bit.

 

But maybe consider something for your anxiety and therapy and just give it time.. one day at a time.

 

tc

[BigKK]

I've been there and dug myself a hole for awhile, and I felt like everything I did contributed to make it worse.

 

 

Isolating myself, disassociating myself with video games, feeling sorry for myself because I was feeling lonely, eating to make myself feel better, putting on weight because I'm eating, feeling bad that I'm putting on weight, sad I'm not attractive since I was becoming a chubby hermit, and so on and so forth...

 

 

it came to a point that I hit a very low point, and said enough was enough...

 

I started exercising again, and exercising a lot, I followed a regiment blindly for a month... It was torture, I wanted to quit and then I started to make those little victories a big deal. "eating right for the day" making it to the gym, losing some weight, and then I believe it changed the chemistry in my mind... eventually I came out of a fog. I dumped carbohydrates, and it did wonders for me. I won't debate diets, but it worked for me.

 

I changed my body, then I tackled my mind and confidence. Making eye contact with a girl, smiling at an attractive girl, approaching an attractive girl, talking with strangers, and it was slowly building up to where I was at.

 

 

If you looked at me (and talked to me) when I was in this hole, you wouldn't recognize me. Literally, I look a lot different now. I know not everyone's depression is "curable" with exercise. But I was pretty low and still was able to drag myself to the gym. If you feel terrible, and you're eating bad, not sleeping well, and not exercising, some of those things are in your control and if you have control, you can change it as well..

 

just my 2 cents

[IAmFCA]

BigKK I so get your description. The hole, isolation, piling one self-inflicted wound on top of the other.

 

I started working out a year ago, and it has saved me.

 

My accomplishments there masked what I wasn't accomplishing elsewhere. I could tell my brain wasn't sharp, but nobody else would take me seriously.

 

I have an amphetamine for ADHD that I will be starting on a regular basis. I am waiting to see if I want other meds. My sense is yes, but not sure what, yet.

[pfbsurf]

Thanks guys. There is a quote/riddle I like - Q "What is the first thing you do when you find yourself in a hole?"

 

A "Stop digging"

 

Anyway, initiating the BU and cutting out booze is my way to stop digging. But of course here I am in this damned hole, looking up, Dark Knight style. And that region of my brain that was getting the high from regular beer/sex is pissed! I just napped for 3 hours and it was like watching a movie of me and my ex.

 

You guys are spot on. Working out, eating right. Not just helpful, mandatory. I have been pretty active and healthy, but lately not so much I like your approach bigkk. 30 days of just doing it - forcing yourself. Well done my friend.

 

And ITIC - there is no doubt that I have all the ADHD symptoms. drinking and depression stem from a very active mind, one I used to be very proud of. (I describe it this way. Some brains work like a laser beam. My brain is a starburst.) That stuff catches up to you.

 

I'm supposed to get some happy pills on Monday. I went on Zoloft recently fo 5 days and had a massive panic attack. I had never had one in my life and it scared me big time. No more Z but im sure they will want to try something else. These guys love to throw their darts.