Match.com is depressing me.

[IAmFCA]

You are right, some men don't get any attention at all in OLD. Maybe its strategy for them too... I learned from you my dear... put a picture up every now and again, and get some activity. It works.

 

I must say, I used to have a terribly not-good looking bf and he did a get a date online, but he did not like the venue because it worked against his distaste for small talk. It just doesn't work unless you are patient. Its like shopping a sales rack.

 

Yeah, having a shopper and paying full price is so much easier. But then, we'd all be with whoever our parents picked.

 

MeetUps are goofy too.... sometimes, I just think its random.

[Blue Spiral]

Wow man. Aware me on your super Blue Spiral powers. You, a MAN, manage to get dates via OLD...WITHOUT PICTURES?!?!?! Color me super impressed!

 

Heck, I didn't even date 'em!

 

I think I got a lot of dates because I'm pretty photogenic (and I only use one professional corporate shot), but my profile is extremely well-written and genuine.

 

My profiles barely had anything in them. The type of women that I was looking for...they weren't the type to really scrutinize a guy's profile. That would involve actual effort, and they're there to get ego-boosting attention, not to work at something. Now, someone seeking a serious relationship and checking your husband qualifications...yeah, they'll be all over your profile.

 

I used those sites like glorified instant messaging services. Find hot women, talk to hot women, flirt with hot women. Always normal sites, never weird/sex-only ones. It's easy to spot the women that are getting off on a certain kind of attention, and they'll be your Ideal Candidates. The key is to avoid normal "courting" situations, because that's where traditions and social norms kick in. If you can stay outside of that--keeping things fun, and not letting yourself get squeezed into a predefined social role--a surprisingly large percentage of women are down for whatever.

[Rosti87]

Like going through a shopping rack? Wow that is certainly a challenge. Hopefully not is not as bad as shopping at Ross.

[annie24]

Ross, TJMaxx, and Marshall's all have some good stuff! I have a great pair of shoes I got at Ross for $13. But you have to have patience. Just like online dating, haha.

[Natasha24]

I am just looking at the ads and it seems like I would never match up to what the women want on there. I know men probably have the same high standards, but I am only looking at the women's ads. It is the same depression when I see job postings and it makes me sad when I don't qualify. I have not put an ad and was just looking, but what your experience been with online dating? Just wondering.

 

The women and men on the advertisements for link removed are models. They aren't real people using that site.

Online dating can be great. You can narrow down what you're searching for and meet a lot of people in a short amount of time. Unless you are religious, I wouldn't suggest link removed. I also wouldn't suggest link removed (only because I don't know anyone who had any luck with that site). Plus, both of these sites cost money. I don't think anyone should pay for online dating.

 

link removed and link removed are great free dating websites for you to try. It's easy to make a profile and start messaging people. I've had really awesome luck with POF. There's always a few duds but there are some really nice people on these sites too.

 

However, I agree with other posters who say online dating is a "numbers game". There are so many men compared to women. I had a decent profile, and I'd rate myself as a 7.5/10 for looks - and I had at least 30 new emails every day. I tried to read as many as I could but sometimes it's just impossible. I don't mean to say that I'm amazing because so many men messaged me (I hope it doesn't come off that way). There are just SO many men on dating sites and so few women. It's hard for men sometimes.

[IAmFCA]

BlueSpiral, I am celebrating that I (1) agreed with your post, and even (2) Liked it! When you align your goals with how you search, as described for your particular situation, OLD works really well.

 

Social norms can get super confusing though, as you allude to in your post. MCJD and I would never ever get connected, as we each wait for each other to make the first move. Silly.

 

So... I made a first message to a guy yesterday... then I got his name, found him on fb, and saw that he follows lots of women who dance Hawaiian and Mexican traditional folk dance, and post pics of themselves in coconuts and low slung skirts. Dropped him like a good habit.

 

(Yeah, I know, I have a bf but that's a separate issue!)

[Rosti87]

Ross, TJMaxx, and Marshall's all have some good stuff! I have a great pair of shoes I got at Ross for $13. But you have to have patience. Just like online dating, haha.

Great metaphor.

[Lonewing]

You know, if the dating sites limited the number of people a man could message in a day, maybe that would help reduce the madness...

[IAmFCA]

You know, if the dating sites limited the number of people a man could message in a day, maybe that would help reduce the madness...

I love this idea!

 

I shared MCJD's story of his casual sex friend with my male wingman, and he reported that when he messages a woman who lists casual sex on her profile, he often gets "Message Inbox has reached capacity" hahahaha

 

you boys are just pitiful.

[John John]

I love this idea!

 

I shared MCJD's story of his casual sex friend with my male wingman, and he reported that when he messages a woman who lists casual sex on her profile, he often gets "Message Inbox has reached capacity" hahahaha

 

you boys are just pitiful.

 

ITIC, you'd be amazed. This girl (who I admit to sleeping with myself when I got drunk with her one night. Bad idea, because now she won't leave me alone) is not that cute. She showed me some of the guys she was messaging on OKC, and they were total studs!!! I then felt bad, because she told me that some of these guys have really blown her off, and flat out even said things to her like "you're even less cute in person." I told her she needs to remove "casual sex" as an option asap.

 

This is also why I only really used OKC for hookups. I could never take that site seriously. That, and of course, the quintessential hookup site...PO to the F!

[John John]

You know, if the dating sites limited the number of people a man could message in a day, maybe that would help reduce the madness...

 

I honestly really like this idea. It would force men to only message women that they are really, truly interested in (to some degree, I suppose). And it would also encourage more women to make the first move, even if only a little more.

[IAmFCA]

I honestly really like this idea. It would force men to only message women that they are really, truly interested in (to some degree, I suppose). And it would also encourage more women to make the first move, even if only a little more.

 

I agree completely. Whom do we ask to change it up?

[IAmFCA]

ITIC, you'd be amazed. This girl (who I admit to sleeping with myself when I got drunk with her one night. Bad idea, because now she won't leave me alone) is not that cute. She showed me some of the guys she was messaging on OKC, and they were total studs!!! I then felt bad, because she told me that some of these guys have really blown her off, and flat out even said things to her like "you're even less cute in person." I told her she needs to remove "casual sex" as an option asap.

 

This is also why I only really used OKC for hookups. I could never take that site seriously. That, and of course, the quintessential hookup site...PO to the F!

 

I hear you re POF but here is the thing. My main squeeze, who took a freaking year to let me drag him down the hall... we met on POF. I swear he is as pure as the driven snow. Was.

 

I just think every slice of life shows up anywhere where there is no barrier to entry, and we have be sleuths to figure it out.

 

I wonder what happens on the sex sites: the ones where you can look for group sex, NSA couple sex etc. I bet its the same... a banker mixed with a bicycle delivery gal mixed with a shaman.

[Ms Darcy]

well, if a woman says she wants a man who has the body of a god and makes $100,000 a year, and these don't apply to you, then don't email her. Try to find other women to write to who are describing who you are. A good feature that link removed has is the "reverse search" feature, so you can look for women who are looking for men like you. I think that's a better bet when contacting others online.

 

I know this will sound like blasphemy but ... more power to that girl!

 

I have a friend, a little older than me, who looks like a model. Picture Lucy Liu but actually pretty in the face and not cross-eyed. Anyway, years ago when she had a profile, she wanted a guy who was in great shape, had a great career, and was making over $100k per year. Here's the catch. She's in great shape, had a great career, and was making over $100k a year.

 

Her standards were high but a) she could bag those guys ... easily and b) she offered the same. Now, if she couldn't get the interest of those guys, I would suggest that she relax on some of those requirements.

 

And she was always first to say that these guys weren't contacting her because she helps feed starving children in Bolivia. It's her looks.

 

Anyways, I'll lounge here in the cute-land ... which is just off the coast of hot-model-land ...

[John John]

lol re: Lucy Liu. I agree. A total butterface.

 

Anyway, I agree. I don't ask anything that I don't already offer. I just a girl who's physically fit, pretty/cute (I've been described as "hot" and "sexy" - I can get a cute and fit girl, right? lol), wants to do things and have fun with life, has a career (I don't care what she makes, even though I'm in the 6 figure club), and is family-oriented/oldschool like me.

 

And Darcy, I know you're engaged (congrats by the way!), but you'll find that most of us guys want to wife the cute/pretty girls, not the pornstar hot model ones

 

"If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pornstar hot woman your wife" - MCJD

[annie24]

You know, if the dating sites limited the number of people a man could message in a day, maybe that would help reduce the madness...

 

I believe that eHarmony's approach is like that - they only give you a certain number of matches a day (like 5-7).

[Blue Spiral]

Like going through a shopping rack? Wow that is certainly a challenge. Hopefully not is not as bad as shopping at Ross.

 

I was definitely engaging in a form of rack-based browsing.

 

In all seriousness, it was much less of a challenge than meeting women in-person (which I almost never did). I met both of my girlfriends, and almost all of my FWBs, online. If I told you how many online women I've hooked up with, it might sound like a lot...but you have to remember that it's spaced over the last sixteen years. Without the 'net, I would have been in serious trouble, because my social skills aren't the best. Whereas if I can introduce myself online and go from there, it's a lot easier.

[Lonewing]

I love this idea!

 

I shared MCJD's story of his casual sex friend with my male wingman, and he reported that when he messages a woman who lists casual sex on her profile, he often gets "Message Inbox has reached capacity" hahahaha

 

you boys are just pitiful.

 

I'm not so sure it's pitiful as it is realistic. In short, a lot of people don't give a damn about who they're screwing and care more about what they're F***ing. Recreational sex with no cares about the person you're with is pretty much a day dream for many more than you may imagine.

 

We're not allowed to just go out and buy it [rent-a-body], so what do you expect happens when a girl puts up a sign that says "I do it for free?" Keeping the supply short certainly benefits women [they can sit and sort], but it does lead to this situation of way too many guys messaging anything with a hole, and further, you have the girls who do land a guy and then find out all he wants is sex - depressing all around, I'm sure.

[Lonewing]

Like going through a shopping rack? Wow that is certainly a challenge. Hopefully not is not as bad as shopping at Ross.

 

I wish it was as easy as shopping at Ross, unfortunately the currency is abstract and the articles all have minds of their own...

[IAmFCA]

I have some looks, I make coin, and I am in good shape. I want a man with same, and I used to get plenty. I watched one of those men weed his suitors out like yesterday's trash. He wanted, fun, hot, good body, and a pseudo-commitment with no accountability. And he finds it, over and over. every few months, he tosses the old one and gets the new one.

 

Different profile now, looking for a man who will engage with me substantively is weeding out... most.

 

It is interesting, the difference between dating and relationship sorting. A much higher barrier to entry.

[IAmFCA]

Just reviewed the recent posts on here. I need a beer to go with my laughter!

[John John]

Just reviewed the recent posts on here. I need a beer to go with my laughter!

 

I'm on beer number 2 as we speak.

[Rosti87]

I'm on beer number 2 as we speak.

You party animal!

[John John]

You party animal!

 

I'm just getting started

[LoveSoDeep]

Listen OP...your age says you're in your late 40s...I'm sure OLD is different for you than it is for my friend MCJD here.

 

Women in your age range are looking for different things. I suggest you set up a quick profile on PoF and check it out..it's free and half the women on there are on match as well....if it really isn't your thing then you all you've lost is a little bit of time...if it works then you'll have a few dates....so why not give it a shot.