Moving On(?)

[SonyTV73]

I forced myself out last night with a new social group I have joined.

I was nervous but I've always been self confident, the only thing that is battered is my low self esteem.

It was nice to meet new people and there were quite a few of us, it took my mind off the breakup even if it was for a couple of hours.

 

There was one problem.....

I'd been there for about half an hour when my ex brother in law walked past.

He had obviously seen me previously as he knew exactly where I was.

He smiled and said hello but never came over to talk. He used to be my friend and we have been on holiday before so I know him very well.

This ruined my whole night.

 

I'm dying to get over her.

I'm doing everything people say I should do.

I can't move on as quickly as she has.

 

Where am I going wrong??

[valerie25]

Why do you need to move on as quickly as she does? Is it a competition? The more pressure you put on yourself, the more difficult it is. You need to process the pain and it takes time...

[sungolds]

I'm dying to get over her.

I'm doing everything people say I should do.

I can't move on as quickly as she has.

 

Where am I going wrong??

 

I know how you feel. I want to move on as quickly as her so it isn't so painful. It all just seems unfair when she's moved on, and you're still picking up the pieces.

 

That said, you are doing nothing wrong. You should be confident and proud of yourself that you went out and socialized. Not of it is "easy." And really, we don't know how good of a time she's having right now. She may seem happy, but deep down inside, she may feel like sh*t. Most of the time, the other person is just covering their pain up with other things - a denial of sorts.

 

Just keep doing what you're doing. Time is also a key factor here. Improve on yourself because you love yourself for you. That's what it's all about.

[SonyTV73]

I want to move on as I am stuck.

I can't sleep, I've lost loads of weight and I don't feel myself at all.

Seeing my ex brother in law took me back a step.

 

I know it's not a competition.

I just want to find the old me so I can heal and laugh again as I'm putting myself through a lot of unnecessary pain.

[valerie25]

This pain is NECESSARY. First of all, it indicates that you loved/ love that woman so you are human and have feelings. But you made mistakes. If you process this pain wisely and not escape from it, you will be able to understand your mistakes, learn from them and BECOME A BETTER MAN. So that in the future you will be able to handle things better. I understand that you want to feel good, no one likes pain but this is not how we learn valuable lessons in our lives. And speaking about your ex, you dont know how she really feels. Maybe she is done with you, but it doesnt have to mean that it is easy for her (You weren't the best partner to her and it is very painful for a woman to experience it from the man who is supposed to cherish and protect her, believe me).

[SonyTV73]

I can't change the past....if I could I would make things very different.

 

I agree, for the last year or so I wasn't the best partner and I didn't realise how in love I actually was until all this came out.

I managed to apologise to her and I told her I am a fool and have lost everything and there is no one to blame other than me and that I am the one who has to live with this for the rest of my life.

 

My ex has now moved on to a good place, I know it.

Although I'm making assumptions, she is living the life of riley and is always out enjoying herself with or without this new guy as I refuse to know as it'll set me back and I'll be devastated. The next thing to face will be when she is pregnant.

 

I'm following The Breakup Recovery now.

It's awful, it's cold and to think that I'll never speak to my ex again really hurts.....she was my best friend.

[sharky988]

You're only a few days into NC.

 

It will take time, but you WILL slowly start to feel better.

 

Contact = Pain

No Contact = Healing

 

Your recent meetup only created more pain and now you need to give yourself additional time to heal from that.

 

Have you read this recovery guide? link removed There are many good suggestions to help you feel better and move on.

 

The single most important thing you can do for yourself -- other than sticking to NC from now on -- is to exercise hard, every day. This is going to change your brain chemistry to make you feel happier and more confident.