Online Dating: What should you NOT expose?

[Dougie_D]

I'm basing this on the profile OKCupid. First off, I am very honest in my questionaire and profile. Regarding money status, should I SHOW my income? Could this be a potential dealbreaker?

 

Also, a lot questions ask about relationships. Since I have never been in a relationship, some answers might be "I'm still a virgin". Should I lie? Or not make it public?

 

I looked at my "personality traits" and it shows my lack of loving, experience, etc...

 

Since I'm an honest person, I'm not really afraid to hide my flaws in those areas. Do girls online really look at those things or should I try to focus on the best picture for myself?

 

I'll send you a Private Link if anyone wants to see my UPDATED profile! Got a haircut too!!!!

[John John]

Hey Dougie. The new haircut looks good! I think your pose in your avator is kinda awkward (you look unsure of yourself), so I wouldn't use that for online dating. Smile confidently. Also, keep hitting the gym, it will lean your face out. You're on your way!

 

As far as your questions...in your situation, I would avoid OKC. I personally think that you need more experience with women in general, so I would suggest meetups and just expanding your social network and enhancing your interpersonal skills. If you insist on using online dating, I wouldn't do OKC, because I honestly feel like the women on there would see a lot of your answers as red flags. Maybe you can try Match or POF, which don't force you to reveal so much so fast.

 

There's always eHarmony, which holds your hand throughout the process...but that's more expensive, and I think you need some more casual dating experience first.

[Realitynut]

Ok...i'm also on OKC...but it's not used much in my area! It's all POF. Now with that being said, you don't HAVE to answer every question. There is a 'next' button. I remember the first night i started answering questions...I thought there was an END! There isn't. I have answered over 1600 questions. After awhile i tried to be humorous. PLUS i wouldn't just click on the answers that were there...i would elaborate, and show my sense of humor even more!

 

For instance, it asked, Would you ever consider being a porn star! One of the answers is "i AM a porn star"....yep. Clicked it. OF course it throws off the compatibility rating...but who the heck cares! It's only OKC. I can't tell you how many guys emailed me and told me that I had them rolling in the isles!

 

eHarmony was a JOKE for me. But my sis found her husband...and my twin brother found his wife on there.

 

I had no matches....except a half a country away!

[Realitynut]

BTW...yes Dougie....smile! This avatar pic does NOT look inviting. Kinda like...duh....i just got up and I'm thinking what should i have for breakfast!!!

[SoulTaker]

Dougie, each person has their own rationale when it comes to online dating. These days, the women are just like the men in that they focus on the initial msg to them first (to get to your profile), pics second, and the profile third. So you need a good intro response to them first in order to get their attention from the 100's of msgs they get from men, and current photos second. As for the profile, the problem with them is that it's hard to let someone know which items are important, and which ones are not a big deal. You don't want someone to decline contacting you because there's something in your profile that bothers them, but means little to you. Also, I don't recommend lying, that's a player's game.

 

For me, I keep my profile to the minimum, and leave the details to when we start emailing each other. Also, remember that what you put out there will be for public display, so don't state anything that you wouldn't say to a stranger. I value my privacy, but that's just me. You'll have to decide on what feels comfortable to you.

[Dougie_D]

I've already been rejected by EHarmony for some reason. I think it may be because of my religious beliefs? Not sure.

 

I struggle with my smile. When I naturally smile, I can't show any teeth because of the way my mouth/jaw is. So in order to show any type of teeth I have to slightly open up my mouth. Sometimes it's a good smile and sometimes it not...or sometimes it's really goofy looking. If you guys have any suggestions on that, please let me know.

[Natasha24]

I never made any of those questions public. They help determine your compatibility for other users but they don't need to be made public in order to do so. Answer them truthfully but make them private.

 

As for income, that's up to you. I kept mine private and I never really looked at anyone else's. Girls who care about your income aren't the kind of girls you're looking for anyway

 

Lots of people are rejected by eHarmony. I'm not sure why but it's super common, so don't worry about that too much.

[Fudgie]

I'm interested in seeing your new profile.

 

I would not put anything on there about income, virginity, dating experience, anything. Keep it to your interests, what you're looking for in a lady, fun interesting facts about you, favourites, etc.

 

I was rejected by eHarmony years ago. Apparently what I was searching for didn't exist.

[Jeffbobo]

Profile pictures...

 

This is what I've found most effective.

 

I usually focus on 3-4 profile pictures.

Close up face shots: I usually have one or two of these pics. I'd recommend pics of you looking slightly away from the camera. A pic of you staring blindly and directly into the camera can come accross as intimidating. You can have one close face shot and one face and torso shot. For the record, on link removed, I've received more 'likes' on my face picks where I'm looking off camera and smiling slightly like something has caught my interest.

Full body shot: "Tasteful" full body shot, preferably with a nice backdrop. I say tasteful... Woman can appreciate nice abs, physique, etc just as well as a man but don't be the ripped guy in a speedo taking a selfy. Nice, form fitting cloths that leave something to the imagination. Business or casual dress.

Action shot: An action shot is of you doing something you enjoy. I think the best ones are of people that don't know their pictures are being taken; captured "raw" doing your thing.

 

Couple other thoughts...

1) Don't post selfys, especially in front of a mirror. Have a friend take all your pics or if you can afford to, get professional shots.

2) Shots with friends... I think this works most effectively when it's not staged. Just my personal opinion.

[bronte]

I agree with the advice to answer honestly but keep your answers private. When I was on OKC I mainly looked at "match percentage" and the guy's actual profile. I kept my own answers private and never judged a guy for keeping his private, given how personal the questions are. If I had a high match percentage with the guy and his profile was appealing, that was enough and I trusted that any huge incompatibilities would reveal themselves in due time.