Straight men--can you be friends with an attractive woman?

[upsndowns]

My boyfriend recently said to me that he can't be just friends with a woman that he finds remotely attractive. He can be casual friends, but they could never hang out one on one because he'd want to have sex with her. Is this true for most men? I find that really odd. I've always had at least some male friends, often close male friends, and there was no sexual tension at all, even though they certainly weren't ugly.

[SooSad33]

Not male.. but I have often heard how they can/do cross the lines, with those whom they were just 'friends' with. So, even though some may be friends, it has happened, that they go further or want to.

Not saying all do or want to- but it has happened many times.

 

So, I'm not sure that it's a bad fact, him saying this or he's really that strange?

 

I feel some just need to learn some 'respect & control' is all.

[SooSad33]

"I've always had at least some male friends, often close male friends, and there was no sexual tension at all, even though they certainly weren't ugly."

- Are you sure there was never and tension from their end?

 

Yes, it is possible to be only friends with the opposite sex. Some will disagree but I also have a few guy friends. Will never cross that line.

[happy_snapper]

I've had some attractive friends before. It's never been a problem for me.

I know what the OP's boyfriend means though. I don't have any scientific studies to back this up, but I think generally men's emotions and instincts are just a bit closer to the surface.

 

I was chatting with a very attractive (but married) friend recently, the feeling that I should be having sex with this person doesn't go away, but the rest of my brain is in charge. I didn't really feel any sexual tension, because I know that nothing's going to happen.

It's a little difficult to describe, but I'm sure you get the point.

 

That's the way it is for me.

[patterned]

I have no problem not going there, or even thinking about it really. I have had another friend that tells me he can not be emotionally close with an attractive woman (he's not single, or openly emotional). I can't relate. Perhaps your boyfriend being aware of this in himself is a good thing.

[chaddy1228]

So listen, as for me my circle of friends tends to be very attractive and mostly women. I work in a bar and I am surrounded by very sexy attractive women that I am friends with. Do we call each other everyday? no. Do we hang when out? yes. Have I pictures them naked? yes. We all fantasies about things. It keeps are passion and drive alive. I am sure everyone has looked at something knowing there limits! Am I wrong? I am in a committed relationship and never had the desire to pursue any attractive women's advances. It's all about the men and there boundaries. I hate cheats. They are cowards to there own desires. Have the balls to be single if you can't keep it platonic!!!

[Doc Blaze]

Yes...both of my best friends i would considerate attractive(both females)..most of my female friends are super attractive ... a lot of them are models ..thing is..its not always about looks...

 

PS: ive never cheated once ever...

[jak3]

If I'm single? No. At some point I'll try to bang them.

 

If I'm in a relationship? Yes.

[chaddy1228]

Bang them??? REALLY!!!!!!! Is this at all polite to women?? And you wonder why they ask the question! No dignity and respect Dude!!

[jak3]

Sometimes the truth isn't polite, respectful or dignified; it's simply the truth.

[lostandhurt]

Well I will give your bf credit for being that upfront with you.

 

For him this is true and for most men also no matter what they say. In the back of their mind no matter how much they love their S/O if a cute friend bends over to pick something up and shows cleavage or a nice booty they are thinking things you simply do not want to know....just like we don't want to know what you girls are thinking about that hunk that just walked in.

 

I think relationships are hard enough without a bf or gf having a close friend of the opposite sex and if they are smoking hot that really is trouble.

 

Lost

[Doc Blaze]

"I think relationships are hard enough without a bf or gf having a close friend of the opposite sex and if they are smoking hot that really is trouble"

 

 

so if the female is ugly then its fine? because guys never cheat on SOs with ugly chicks?

[chaddy1228]

Truth doesn't equal disrespectful... Women are human-beings not chew toys, but I get your drift, I guess

[lostandhurt]

I wasn't talking about cheating, just the problems that seem to arise from having close friends or the opposite sex. Especially if they hang out alone...

 

Lost

 

I seen some of the women guys I know cheated on their wife/gf with so I know what you mean. Every one of them had gorgeous women in their lives and they went down a road I wouldn't even if I was single.

[Doc Blaze]

I can agree with that. I still believe to go with your gut feeling and take every case by itself. I knwo it can be don personally but I knwo a lot f friends that wont have any close female friends unless it benefits them in some way or might..if u knwo what im saying

[PaintWithLight]

Bang them??? REALLY!!!!!!! Is this at all polite to women?? And you wonder why they ask the question! No dignity and respect Dude!!

 

Polite to women, really? If women could peer into the mind's of their supposedly "neutral" male friends, they would see and hear a lot worse.

 

The issue here is not if it is possible, but rather how some guys (very polite and kind ones) cloak themselves as friends when they really have more lustful intentions. If there is no underlying attraction, then why do most guys want to be friends with very attractive women? There are plenty of average looking women who need friends too.

[ZenZenny]

Sorry to say but your boyfriend has eyes for other women. He may be your boyfriend but his radar is constantly up for some chick that he may be interested in.

 

First and foremost as a man, self control is key. If you're SINGLE and have an attractive friend that's one thing. But even to say that you CAN'T have an attractive friend cause you're going to naturally want to FK them.....? That's a problem, even being single.

 

Secondly, he's in a RELATIONSHIP and still feels as if he will try to have sex with a woman if she's attractive enough and he gets alone with her.....? He basically just admitted to you that he isn't to be trusted.

 

As I man that has really wanted to be with a women before I can speak on the fact that when a man TRULY wants to be with you. Then that is what he's going to do. Point blank period. Other women really do start to literally not matter. Not saying that we don't see attractive women, but our want to be with our partner is so strong that no one else matters.

 

He has a lot of mental and emotional maturing to do. Don't think this is a 'common male thing'. This is about just as common as women wanting not being able to have a male personal trainer because they won't be able to contain themselves from sexing his brains out.

[hortlzy]

No....we men are all different.

[gxzone]

I think its possible, depends on the man and not making any mistakes and being strong in resisting temptation. Or, the man could simply not be attracted in any way. I have one friend that can be considered attractive but I've never seen her in that light and never will.

 

Then again, shes a friend, but not my BEST friend. If the woman is smoking hot and best friend class compatible, that would be difficult, but again, possible with heaping doses of discipline.

 

So the answer, possible, but difficult depending on the how close of a friend and how hot she seems TO ME.

[jonny15]

I could be friends with one. Mainly because I figure they would never in a million years be attracted to me. So the possibility of having sex is pretty much out of the window. Tho I would still have fantasies about it.

[liberate]

I've had some attractive friends before. It's never been a problem for me.

I know what the OP's boyfriend means though. I don't have any scientific studies to back this up, but I think generally men's emotions and instincts are just a bit closer to the surface.

 

I was chatting with a very attractive (but married) friend recently, the feeling that I should be having sex with this person doesn't go away, but the rest of my brain is in charge. I didn't really feel any sexual tension, because I know that nothing's going to happen.

It's a little difficult to describe, but I'm sure you get the point.

 

That's the way it is for me.

 

I agree with this. I have a female friend that works in the same office, and we hang out weekly outside of work. I find her attractive, but we work together and she's in a relationship so being platonic isn't a problem for me. It's only been just the two of us once or twice, but I know nothing's going to happen so there's no tension. She's even acted as a "wingwoman" once or twice.

 

If she were single, there's a chance I'd ask her out. But I'd be fine just as friends too. So yes, I think it's possible. Just about boundaries.

[freadrik]

Of course a guy can be friends with an attractive woman. Not every woman is going to give you the signals that indicate she is attracted to you, and if you are one of those guys who thinks every woman wants you then you are pretty immature. I've got several very beautiful girlfriends who are happily single or in relationships. It really comes down to maturity.

[ManInLove]

I think that no matter what we say, when we see an attractive member of the opposite sex (or same sex if you're wired that way) there is always a thought in the back of the mind. This has happened to me so many times when I saw a gorgeous woman at the store or on the train and unconsciously fantasized about her. The same happens when I see an attractive actress on the screen... This, however, is just ingrained instinct and in a civilized person won't affect his or her ability to have friends.

 

Because of my personality and history I have more female friends than male ones. Two of my close friends are very attractive, as a matter of fact I can say that one of them has the physical characteristics of what I used to imagine my ideal date to be. Yet they are my friends and that's that. My primal self may fantasize about them sometimes, but in the same way as with the aforementioned movie star - it's just a nice dream akin to what I feel when an ice cream truck drives by.

 

I can't understand a man who says he cannot be friends with women, because that's just not my experience. My friends are very important and close to me, we have shared many experiences and confide in each other. One of my exes had a problem with that so I could never have a one-on-one dinner with a female friend, but my current love has no issues. She has more male friends than female and I'm fine with that. Some of them are really cool guys.

[needhelp6]

In my opinion I think it depends on the man and I although I didn't read every post in this thread I think I saw some support here. I've been friends with a very attractive women for close to 25 years and although we've been in several positions where the line could have been crossed I never considered it, nor do I think she has. She's a good friend and I wouldn't want to screw that up for one night of pleasure, her friendship means too much to me.

[jonny15]

Here would be a better question. Can an attractive woman be friends with a man that she knows is attracted to her? Even if she knows he won't make move?